Alleigance to None

Does any man with much common sense,
Stumble about through broken woods,
Seeking adventure, bringing miracles and doing wonders,
While having no one to hold him down?

Ay, there is one,
A strange man he is, groping the darkness and welcoming death,
A truly strange man, for he owes alleigance to no one.

Bent by none but his own true will,
The very embodiment of freedom in this forsaken land,
He creeps and crawls through woods and creeks,
And seeks adventure, like a maiden in love.

He goes around, believing in himself,
Whether truth and hope has forsaken him,
'Belief in oneself' is his only motto,
With no one to talk back to him.

He seeks no companions, but the animals wild,
The woods, his home, and the creeks, his salvation;
He answers to no one but himself,
Is there truly a man such as he?

Ay, there is one,
A strange man he is, the embodiment of freedom in this godforsaken world,
A truly strange man, for he owes alleigance to none.

Author's Note

Pardon the non existant rhyming scheme. This is my first attempt at poetry. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Reviews

[A hare off]

You did a great job if this is your first attempt at poetry. Traveled this journey of words through the forest learning about someone quite different but special in his own way in your words. This has nice form and flows smoothly. Poetry does not need to rhyme and this great work proves that. Keep writing.

[KingDavid]

Thank you. XD

[Lavorther]

I have to say, for a first poem, I'm impressed. I really like poems that tell a story, and this one is really interesting. Well done.

[silverwritinggoddess]

Your first attempt? Wow! It doesn't feel like it! This was incredible! It doesn't matter about rhyming. This is one of many forms poetry can take and it's great! :D

[KingDavid]

Thank you for the review and yes, This is my first work. XD

[luvs2write]

Great job at your first try! I'm too embarrassed to show anyone my first poem...it probably had something to do with stars and nap time haha. I really like the feel to this poem, and don't worry about the rhyming. Not all poetry rhymes, that's what makes it unique and from the heart.

If I could offer a suggestion though... You use a lot of commas. Try reading it out loud to see where the pauses should be. Poetry should be melodic when read and not short and choppy.
This is great! Keep writing.

[KingDavid]

Thank you for your review and suggestions. They were really helpful. I will put them to good use.

[Coyote Poetry]

Life is hard. Few can stand alone.
"He seeks no companions, but the animals wild,
The woods, his home, and the creeks, his salvation;
He answers to no one but himself,
Is there truly a man such as he? "
Many have tried to be free from rules, taxes and control. No-one had success. We can know freedom for a while. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[KingDavid]

Thank you for the review! ^_^

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Southern_Writes]

Its not always about a rhyming scheme, but on the flow of prose.
When you write, speak it aloud, see how the words fall from your own tongue.

"For would any man of any sense
stumble about a broken wood.
Seeking adventure and bringing about miracle and wonders
with no soul to hold him down

Aye, there is one
A strange man, who gropes at darkness, embracing death
A man who owes no allegiance.

Bent by none, but his own true will,
Embodiment of freedom, in this a forsaken land.
He creeps and crawls, through wood and creek,
and seeks adventure, it calls to him like a lover.

He goes around, believing only in himself
unknowing if truth and hope had forsaken him.
"Belief in oneself" imprinted upon his lips
with no one to talk back.

He seeks no companion, for the wild calls him friend
the wood, his home, the creek him salvation
He answers to none, and non to him
A man such as this, can he truly be?

Aye, there is one.
A strange man he is, a vessel of freedom in a world long forsaken
A truly strange man, whose allegiance lies in none."

[KingDavid]

Thank you for the review.~

[Southern_Writes]

Sorry. I am sure this is probably not what you were hoping for. I really enjoy everything you are doing. The only real advice is above. Read it aloud. I edit my poems sometimes 4-5 times after wards when I realize there is a lack of flow and will rearrange until I find the flow I am seeking. Your writing is full of passion and bold context. The only way to get better? Write.

[KingDavid]

Haha. I always welcome advice. I never would have thought that you would rearrange the entire thing Lol. But I think , I will stick with mine. Because If I take your advice into THIS poem, it no longer becomes a product of my work. I'll keep your advice in mind while writing my next poem. Thank you. (^_^)

[Southern_Writes]

No, I was simply trying to make an example. I received a critique 900 words long....I read it 15 times... the next day I felt reinvigorated. I hope that I helped and didn't discourage.

[KingDavid]

Haha. Dont sweat it. If stuff like this were to discourage me, I wouldn't even be here. So no worries there. Haha

[harlem_knight]

this is powerful. this reminds me of the the harsh perception of masculinity and how society views it. i especially liked the line "he seeks adventure, like a maiden in love" because it is so very different from the gender assigned words used prior and after. good job!

[KingDavid]

Thank you for your review. Yeah, that part, I thought a lot and 'maiden in love' was the best describing expression about the scene I had in my mind Lol. Many thanks. ~*^_^)~

[jacob erin-cilberto]

free verse is often better and more expressive as it does not bow to form that can overwhelm content.

i like the theme...especially in this day and age, we have to stay true to ourselves, because few others will stay true to us.

[KingDavid]

Thank you for helping me out (^_^)_`

[Rachael Lea]

Don't ever thing poetry always has to rhyme. I have found so many beautiful poems that would prove otherwise. You are talented and being your first attempt you delivered a beautiful message.

[KingDavid]

Thank you for taking time to review this poem.

[unfathomd]

:D :D That was cool.. ! :D ;) first attempt, best as it cud get ;) :D

[KingDavid]

Why thank you, esteemed sir, (^_^)/