Chapter Four: The Dark Corners

Chapter Four of Hold Your Peace

    Those thirty days finally passed, and it came time to return to North Carolina. I was relieved, not being able to take any more awkward phone calls with Ryan. At least we'd be in person. Also, I was determined to get to the bottom of the whole Laurel situation. The whole thing needed to be put to rest for good.

    Instead of going straight home, I went to a local pub with Mark and Kimmy. We sat there, drinking our wine, when I saw the devil.

    Rachel Pole.

    I've never hated anyone so much. Immediately, my mind returned to my sophomore year. That was the year I'd developed a crush on Ryan, who had gone from being the dorkiest guy in school to being the most popular. Everyone had a crush on him, but no one had one as deep as mine was.

    Anyways, I'd written all about it in my diary. Every time he smiled at me, I wrote five pages about it. Each time he asked me what homework was assigned in History class, I jotted it down in several paragraphs. One day, I made the mistake of bringing it to school. I'd been writing in it during Lunch, as Ryan walked around the cafeteria, flirting with numerous girls. As the bell rang, I quickly packed up my belongings, unknowingly dropping the diary. Rachel had found it, and passed it around every classroom I was in. When Ryan found out, he avoided me for a long time. Rachel was his girlfriend at the time. The next year, Ryan had left her, because he'd realized what a b***h she truly was. We began dating, but Rachel was always interfering, always attempting to regain her relationship with him.

    My stomach did jumps as I saw her once again in this pub. Weird, my relationship with Ryan was hitting a rough patch, and coincidentally, I'd met Rachel here. She spotted me, and stalked her way over, an evil grin plastered on her disgusting face.

    "What a surprise to see you here, Erin!" she giggled, sitting next to me.

    "Who are you?" Kimmy raised an eyebrow. That was my sweet sister.

    "Kimmy, this is Rachel." I gave her a look. Kimmy knew more about the Rachel situation than anyone.

    Kimmy immediately shot a dirty look towards the girl.

    "What are you doing here?" I squinted. I've never seen her in North Carolina.

    "Oh, I was just visiting Ryan. You know we're still friends, right?" she smirked rudely.

    "No," I shook my head. "I was unaware of that."

    "Well, don't jump to conclusions. We're not dating. It's good that you two are still friends, though." she patted my back solemnly.

    "What are you talking about?" I flinched away from her touch.

    "Well, he's got a new girlfriend, you know. I saw him with her the other night." she spilled.

    "You what?" I sat back in shock.

    "He was making out with some girl. When we went to lunch the next day, I asked him her name, and he said it was Laurel. She must be from his college days, because there wasn't a Laurel at our high school." she explained.

    Kimmy buried her face in her hands. I attempted with all my might to breath, and to punch Rachel in her face. I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. Ryan had...cheated on me. Why did I not think this would happen sooner? Up until I began dating Ryan, I was a nobody. I apparently still was, since I wasn't good enough to remain faithful to.

    "I have to go," I finally managed to say.

    Without listening to the objections of Mark, Kimmy, or Rachel, I darted out of the pub, and began sprinting. I didn't even know where I was running to, but I realized my house was just down the road. I dashed all the way there, my eyes raining tears like a hurricane.

    When I reached my front porch, to my surprise, Ryan was standing there. He was holding a small bouquet of beautiful red roses.

    "What are you doing here?" I demanded, pushing my way past him. I fumbled around in my pocket for my key and opened the door.

    "I wanted to surprise you," he looked puzzled. "What's wrong?"

    "You know what's wrong," I snapped, heading for my tissue box.

    "No, I really don't." he squinted his eyes, and came closer towards me. His hand reached for my face, but I slapped it away.

    "Don't touch me!" I shouted.

    "Erin," he looked so confused. Wow, he was a great actor. Too bad, his so-called "friend" sold him out. "I don't understand."

    "Just get out of here. I don't ever want to see you again." I lied. Never would I truly be able to say that.

    "Not until you tell me what's wrong. You owe me that much, since you've barely spoken to me in weeks." he demanded, refusing to step away from me.

    "Ryan, I owe you nothing." I glared into his eyes. After a few seconds of that, I realized it wouldn't work. Looking into his eyes was too painful. "Get out of here."

    "Erin."

    "Get out, Ryan! I don't want to talk to you!" I stormed towards the door, pointing outside. "Just go."

    "Erin, you're not even making any sense. You show up here in tears, scolding me. I don't even know what I did!" he refused to leave without a fight. "You know you're not getting rid of me that easily."

    "Ryan, please just go! I want nothing to do with you." I begged. "Just leave."

    "No." he shook his head. "You're not even being fair."

    "I don't have to be!" I finally snapped. "Ryan, you're a liar! I know you are. Rachel sold you out!"

    "Rachel?" his eyes narrowed. "You're mad because I agreed to go out to lunch with Rachel? When did you even talk to her?"

    "Today, I was at the pub, and I ran into her. Whatever, that's not the point." I briefly explained.

    "If that's why you're mad, I can explain." he found hope.

    "Why else would I be upset, Ryan?" I challenged.

    "I honestly don't know." he shrugged. "Whatever it is, I'm sure it can be fixed."

    I loved him.

    "No," I hung my head. "It can't. Please just go."

    "Erin, tell me you don't love me." he asked casually.

    "What?" I stepped back.

    "Tell me you don't love me anymore, and I'll leave. If you can't, and you still love me, we can work through this." he pleaded. "Tell me you don't love me anymore."

    I took a deep breath so that I wouldn't faint.

    "Ryan." I choked. "I don't love you anymore."

    What had I done? I stood here and lied to the man I loved more than anything in the world! It made too much sense, though. He had to have kissed Laurel. She couldn't be his cousin.

    "I don't buy that." he stuck his hands in his pockets. "You did three days ago when I last spoke with you."

    "Things change, Ryan, especially when someone is being unfaithful." I crossed my arms.

    "Being unfaithful?" He gave an angry chuckle. "I never cheated on you with Rachel, or with anyone!"

    "Don't lie to me!" I ordered, pointing a finger in his face.

    "I'm not lying. I'd never mess around with anyone, especially Rachel!" he promised. No, I wasn't going to believe him. He was a liar. "Erin, please just trust me."

    "You're sorry you got caught." I gritted my teeth. "I never said you cheated on me with Rachel."

    "Then what are you talking about?" he demanded.

    "Ryan, please just go!" I begged. "I need to be alone. Leave!"

    "Fine," he shrugged and threw his bouquet on the floor. "You were so worried about our relationship, but you're the one leaving. What a shame."

    With that, Ryan Drake walked right out of my life.

 

~     ~    ~

 

    "Are you sure?" Kimmy bit her lip. "That's a big decision, Erin."

    "I have to, Kimmy." I nodded. "I can't take it here anymore.

    "Erin, you love North Carolina. Don't let a guy push you out." she consoled, kissing my head.

    "Kimmy, I can't be here. He's too close, wherever I go. I wouldn't be able handle it if I run into him somewhere. I just can't do it, Kimmy." I explained. "I need to go to San Diego."

    This decision wasn't too hard. San Diego was far enough away from North Carolina. I needed to be as far away from Ryan as possible, even if that meant moving across the country to a place I didn't belong. anything was better than torturing myself with his presence.

    "Okay, well, get to packing then. We're leaving in just a few days." Kimmy sighed, allowing me to make the decision. "You can live with us. I'm sure Mark won't mind, you're like his little sister."

    "Thanks, Kimmy." I hugged her, trying to keep from crying. "I really appreciate it."

    "Anything for you, Erin." she stroked my cheek with her thumb. "You need a friend right about now."

    "Yes, I do." I agreed.

    We immediately got to work, packing up my room. I burst into tears as we shipped the boxes from my house to hers. North Carolina was the best place in the world, especially for me. I couldn't believe that I was being forced out, and by Ryan! I hated him for doing this to me.

    I loved him still, of course. It would take a while for that love to go away. He was so amazing, but what he did to me just wasn't a good thing. I knew when to walk away.

    The last night I had in North Carolina, I lied on the beach next to my sister. I remembered my first night living here, taking a moonlight stroll with Ryan. We'd had so much fun that night. Every time we were together, I had butterflies, and my love for him grew deeper. I felt a wave of sadness drown me as I closed my eyes, breathing in the sea air. My sister grabbed my hand and comforted me, knowing it was exactly what I needed.

    "Everything will be okay." she promised.

    I'd be okay.

 

    Moving day approached way too quickly. Kimmy had gone out to get the mail, the last mail we'd ever receive here. Mark and I were preparing for our flight, which left in four short hours.

    "Mark, your Mom sent you a letter." Kimmy handed him a lavendar envelope. "Erin, Ryan sent you a letter, too."

    He had the nerve? I really should've ripped up that letter, marched over to his house, and thrown the pieces in his lying face. I groaned and stuffed the letter in my pocket.

    "Let's go." Kimmy sighed and let a tear fall, wishing her house goodbye.

    "Baby, don't cry." Mark wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back slowly. "We'll visit all the time."

    "I know." she soaked his shirt with tears. "I'm just really going to miss it here."

    "I know." he nodded and kissed her head. "You'll be with me, though. It doesn't matter where we are. Maybe, if we don't like life in San Diego, we can move back here."

    "I don't know what I'd do without you." she smiled and kissed him.

    My eyes were welling up as I thought of Ryan that moment. Why couldn't I find love like Kimmy's? I had, but it hadn't worked out. I let myself cry.

    "Erin, don't cry." Kimmy embraced me tightly. "You've always got us. We'll be here every summer to visit Dad."

    "We'll be okay." I nodded.

    The three of us said our final goodbyes before leaving for the plane.

    We waited for two hours before boarding our plane. I gazed out the window, pretending I was in a movie. It felt like one of those heartbreaking Nicholas Sparks scenes, dreaming of life with the one I loved. I cried, knowing no one could see me. Kimmy and Mark were sat in the back.

    As we soared over the United States, I decided to read the letter that Ryan sent me. I knew it wouldn't change anything, or what he'd done, but I owed him this much, I guessed.

    Dear Erin,

         I don't know exactly why you're upset. Obviously, something went wrong, but I swear I've never been unfaithful. You've always been the most important girl in my life, ever since that day I was caked in the face.

          Obviously, you refuse to forgive me. I don't know how I'll go on, but if this is what you truly want, I'm willing to do whatever I need. If you need some time, or you don't want a relationship with me anymore, I'm okay with letting you go. I can't force you into anything.

           Well, since this is goodbye, I guess I should tell you everything you need to know. First of all, I have lots of family in Italy you never knew about. Don't ask why I've hidden this from you. It's...complicated. Anyways, Laurel is one of my cousins that lives in Italy. She was born here, but moved there a long time ago. I also have a brother who lives in Italy named Vinny. He's funny, you would have really liked him.

           Another secret of mine- I never liked Rachel. I used to her to make you jealous when we were sophomores. I know it's wrong to do that to people, but she didn't mind. She wanted to make another guy jealous, so we were helping each other out. You never seemed to be jealous, but I had you anyways.

           Well, I'm sure you don't want to hear from me anymore. Let me just say this. Erin Elizabeth Sanders, I love you more than anything. I know you never want to see me again, for whatever reason, but never will I stop loving you. Somewhere inside of me, I have faith you'll return to me. If that day ever comes, I'll be the happiest man alive. Goodbye, Erin.

Love,

Ryan

   

Author's Note

Drama mostly begins here, and it only gets worse. I don't know how good this is playing out, but stay tuned:) I'm really enjoying how much progress I'm making on this. I don't remember the last time I've written past chapter four in a book.

Reviews

[Kelly M.]

Oh, this made me want to cry! She's leaving her dream home-- her dream guy. But I have hope that she'll come back-- someday. This is really going great, and you're really leaving me in suspense! :)

[Nothing Personal]

Well done..Nothing short of Nick Sparks what you've been writing..

[hannajade]

place I didn't belong. anything was better ---was a mistake i noticed, just under the '~ ~ ~'. :)
I'm sad that there is no more chapters for me to read! I like this:D