Awhile Ago [Let The Sun Rise Without Me]

I made up a story

About being harassed online

Said "it wasn't me, no Mother, I would never."

 

I promised them I was okay.

 

My blood dripped down

Down

Down

And I knew my mind wasn't where it should be

But the idea

 

 

Oh, that idea,

 

I had to try.

 

 

That night, I told him

"I want to die.

I'm going to kill myself.

What good am I anymore?"

 

 

And for that moment

He wished to play hero

And begged me "No, Tama, no, don't do it, I beg you!"

 

But the taste of pills refused to leave my mind

 

 

 

I wanted to die.

I was going to kill myself.

What good was I anyway?

 

 

And I told him "Goodnight," and then

just like that

 

 

(where did this pill bottle come from?)

 

 

I was standing on the fence of hell and pretending

 

TAKE TWO BY MOUTH.

 

 

I decided on four.

Four sounded easy, sounded round.

 

 

Like those perfect sqaures taught to me in class.

Those classes where I feel so stupid, so forgotten,

So left alone.

 

 

 

We will not be sponsoring her.

No money.

No her.

No.

no.

 

 

And my self worth was gone.

And that idea of

"I want to marry him"

Wouldn't leave me.

 

 

That idea

"Mom."
"I cant leave Mom."

 

And I stopped.

And I put that bottle  down.

And I saved my life.

 

 

And the hero was still there.

And I told him I was alive.

That

Sadly

I was alive

 

 

 

I fell to the mattress

And told myself to rest, to forget

To pretend it never happend.

 

 

But the idea of a morning

Of a morning

Where the sun rises alone

And I am just a splash of vomit and forgotten orchestra

Where everyone can forget me.

 

 

It seemed like such a good idea.

 

Reviews

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

The emotions in this piece make me want to cry. This was heart-wrenching. I could feel the pain that you were feeling. Please never kill yourself. You are a very important person, but these feelings are the ones that I have felt over an over. You are a great person and you deserve the happiness. Please don't ever give up. Thank you for sharing.

[EverEmma]

My dear Faith (please tell me I remember your name correctly)

This is heart-wrenching. So real, so true to the emotions, it scares me. Because only someone who's felt those emotions could describe them that well.

I'm glad you're still with us.

Really though, beyond the pain you felt that night, that was a piece of art.

Absolutely exquisite in all its realness, its rawness.

[Emunah June.]

Thank you Emma. c: It sure has been awhile.

And yes, that's my name!

[Petal]

This was a very good poem, very descriptive and it made my heart wrench. If you EVER need someone to talk to, just call me up or text me and I'll be there to help you out, no matter what.
You're my lahvie :)

[Emunah June.]

Thank you lahvie. (>;~;)>

[Rae]

Such a sad poem indeed, but I'm glad she did not end up killing herself in the end. Even when life is bad, there are still things worth living for. Great poem! ^^

[Emunah June.]

Im glad I didnt kill myself too :) Thank you.

[Jamie Cook]

:o ..........Kody-Kode........

[Emunah June.]

:/

[Jamie Cook]

(>;-;)>