Weapon and Angel

Weapon and Angel

A Book by Xerclipse
"

A shorter script of a new story. This is a mini chapter series about a man who is created to destroy the world.

"

© 2012 Xerclipse


Author's Note

Xerclipse
This is the first shortest story I ever published on this site. I hope you enjoy it. That guy for the book picture is the Angel of Death based on the story. He is drawn by me.

My Review

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Reviews

Wow. I was hooked to the story immediately.

However, I want you to be aware of a few things. You have a few typos/spelling errors and few grammar mistakes, but those would be corrected by reading aloud or if you get someone else to proofread it. If you do one of those two, you would have almost no technical issues.

I will tell you one grammar error you did the most. "K-12: Let her go Cain." You need a comma after 'go'. 'Let her go, Cain'. When you put the comma there, that means K-12 was talking to Cain.

Here is a better example:

Jennifer: Is that you?
K-12: Yes it is Jennifer.

Now, since K-12 is talking to Jennifer, there should be a comma: 'Yes it is, Jennifer'. When you read Jennifer's line: 'Is that you?' followed by K-12's line: 'Yes it is Jennifer'--it almost sounds like K-12 is saying that his name is Jennifer. Does that make sense?

I loved the ending. Nice twist; I did not see that one coming at all. Great picture, by the way.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Kris

7 Years Ago

No problem. You really shouldn't abandon a story entirely. I want to tell you something, though, it .. read more
Xerclipse

7 Years Ago

yeah, I have been told that I have the imagination of a child but it comes out to be a professional .. read more
Kris

7 Years Ago

Keep writing! :) I'll be reading your work.

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Added on June 23, 2012
Last Updated on July 10, 2012

Author

Xerclipse
Xerclipse

http://xerclipse.deviantart.com/gallery/, NY



About
Hey people of Writer's cafe, what's up? You may call me Xerclipse and its about a year since I had this. I am 18 years old and I am at Mass Art right now! I write books with a lot of action and vio.. more..

Writing