Broken Stars

 

 

I close my eyes and drink of the dark river of the sky

 

All my questions, hopes, and dreams, are drifting now

 

Surrendering on a lonely mountaintop, resting, gazing up

 

I see the cosmos, the immensity of time, space, love, and loss

 

Breathing, tired, I exhale the frosted memories

Broken stars are falling out of the sky

 

Filtering through the bridge of the galaxy

 

Gentle as snowflakes, down to this earth

 

Falling on me like tears, brilliant diamond droplets

 

I want to sleep, but how can I forget this pain?

 

There is an absence of the ocean, the waters I loved

 

Under my eyes my tears reflect the night like quicksilver

 

Hours, days, years, lifetimes, wheeling above

 

 

Little by little I become a transparent memory

 

Unable to hold on to find the morning

 

The wind carries away the embers of my dreams

 

The last sparkling dust of my body drifts away

 

To join unnamed constellations

 

Never to be gathered up again

 

Reviews

[brian]

One suggestion..the last line: "Gone forever."
Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading this piece, and I like how you kept the font small, as it gave the feel of little fragments of stars getting smaller and smaller, until they became one with the nighttime sky. It was a really whimsical feel, and relaxing. I enjoyed it. (=

[Kuandio]

Thank u Brian, and it does seem to read better with that suggestion

[brian]

You're very welcome. I'm glad I could help. (=

[Gurdeep...The Lost]

I really liked this one, and the transitions it had. I too sometimes want to lay down and just gaze at he bight sky forgetting everything. But the twist which I gathered by reading is that, the breaking starts again remind one of his own loss, his own tears...
And I really appreciate how you brought in the 'transparency' not only in state you were describing but also in the font of the text ! (was that intended, the font change?)

[Kuandio]

Hi there, thank you for stopping by. I wrote this all of a sudden while feeling kind of existentially awful. But no, I have no idea how the font nearing the end started to get faded. It adds a nice touch though, lol

[Stephen]

I enjoyed this poem.it's beautiful. Thanks for sharing!

[Bhumika Devkota]

Very well written. This poem is really beautiful. Great job!

[Natalie]

This poem was beautiful, albeit a little bittersweet because of the sadness buried within the message. I thought this was written extraordinary well, gorgeous descriptions. Thank you so much for sharing!

[Kuandio]

Thank you very much! The impressions you felt are the ones I felt while writing it

[Natalie]

You're very welcome :)

[.........]

I think that the root of the meaning of this poem lies within the line "I want to sleep, but how can I forget this pain?" Somehow, this poem is eerily calming and yet it holds so much meaning. It's easy to visualize the snowflakes lightly falling, the tears. Beautiful. You have such a great tone to your writing. I look forward to going farther down your list. I just friend requested you. I would love to hear your opinions as well!

[Kuandio]

Thank you! It seems you were able to really read into this one. The poem came to me at a moment I was feeling pretty awful, so it surprised me that it has that calming/beautiful side to it; not altogether sure how it happened

[MomzillaNC]

Breathtaking free verse… so full of longing and pain after the death of dream… a cosmic every-man's tale. You so delicately and exquisitely penned the loss and suffering.

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

We ar all part of the cosmos. People, animals and things, it doesn't matter, we stick together a moment... a lifetime... and then we disperse, being absorbed by a greater unity. I think the sparkles or the sparkling dust we just are, as you describe so beautifully, is our soul. Without our soul, without those sparkles we are nothing. I like the imagery you use, the metaphor also. Very well done.

[Kuandio]

Thank you. Your review has a lot of insight into the meaning of the poem, looking at it from the more positive and real side of unity, energy, and spirit

[Rene Salinas]

The relationship in bewtween man his dreams and hopes and what surrounds him. I find in this writing the desire to let us know that there could be a relationship and as such what begins as an internal manifestation could have its outward counterpart, So what if the winds were related to how we feel and the stars to what we dreamt and the swaying of the trees to what we thought? Woudn't that brings us closer to the reality of nature and to the nature of our own understanding?

What an enchanting universe that would be.

Thankyou

[Kuandio]

Thanks for reading. I wrote this during a moment I was feeling awful with regards to the fleetingness of life in general. The desolation of all my hopes and dreams, seeming to be further lost, felt like broken stars falling out the sky, together with the dissolution of my physical identity, and mourning its passing

[cinel]

Wow this is lovely, great job, i really this.

[Kuandio]

thank you
ありがとう