Fading Joy

Our sanity is the only thing more fragile than life

He just sits there

With nothing to say

No reaction to anything at all

not even her kiss

She cries at night

Cause she knows what's going on

Hating herself,

For not being able to do a thing

He tries to fake a smile,

In order for her not to see

The sadness in his eyes

So she can smile once more for him

She hides the scars,

Of what's going on in her life.

He brought joy to her

When she needed it the most

Now slowly breaking inside

Paralyzed by madness

What can free her of this prison

Both of them

Minds confused and torn

Trapped like insects in a spiderweb

Trapped by the madness inside them

Slowly, she will fade awry,

Like the dying garden she once had

A fragile heart is now broken forever

It can never be repaired

The story ends here, but it's not over

Will the curtains close before the end of this show

Author's Note

made this cuz my life's fucked up and my boyfriend wuz depressed.......so it kinda tore me apart since he's the only good thing in my freaking life.........so yeah.

Reviews

[nevermindfan1991]

He just sits there
With nothing to say
No reaction to anything at all
not even her kiss

(Okay.)

She cries at night
Cause she knows what's going on
Hating herself,
For not being able to do a thing

(The second sentence should be shortened. It doesn’t flow with the poem. Your enjambment don’t seem to make sense.)

He tries to fake a smile,
In order for her not to see
The sadness in his eyes

(I’m not sure what so say but I think you could have used a different approach. This is too direct...)

She hides the scars,
Of what's going on in her life.
Slowly breaking inside
Paralyzed by madness
What can free her of this prison

(Random, just a random stanza)

Both of them
Minds confused and torn
Trapped like insects in a spiderweb.

(If you are trying to show that both them are confused and conflicted you should have written more stanzas about the female character. Think of a different simile and how are they trapped. Trapped by their situations or themselves. You don’t allude to what traps them.

Slowly, she will fade awry,
Like a wilting rose
A fragile heart is now broken forever
(Hackneyed simile. Come up with original similes. Nice and correct use of the wordy)

The story ends here, but it's not over
Will the curtains close before the end of this show.
(This doesn’t make any sense.)