a kitty named "ZELDA"

A kitty named “Zelda”

 

 

Her paws, soft, are upon fallen gold

Of rustling foliage. Cold sundown

Turns around to a shadowy cottage.

A cottage with a coach and love-strokes

On the kitty back, softly, softly.

“Zelda” calls a sonorous mistress.

The kitty is coming back after

Yet another adventure she won’t tell.

 Outside a night of murmur wakes aloud.

The cottage of a coach and love-strokes

Remains amid burst of dark unknowns.

 

Reviews

[Damian Alan Gray]

Hi.

Thank you for requesting this read. It's a good poem with decent imagery, but I want to point out something that you may have missed. In the lines:

"Her paws, soft, are upon fallen gold
Of rustling foliage. Cold sundown
Turns around to a shadowy cottage."

Great imagery here, but the flow runs from a simplistic Haiku-like state right back into standard poetry. I understand the need for imagery that only Haiku can bring about, but it is disconcerting for the reader to jump back and forth. Something you may wish to try is to complete one stanza in Haiku, one in standard, then another in Haiku again. Yes, this sits directly opposite of my advice, but in a case like that it works, entices the reader, and enhances the poem itself. It's like painting in two different mediums. Though they clash with one another, they end up playing off each other.

[Azaradelle]

This was an excellent piece. Your imagery was done superbly, as well as your wording.
I personally think the flow was magnificent, and wouldn't change a thing.
I loved how you entwined a sense of pleasantry with darkness in your work. It made me smile and sent shivers down my spine, all at once.

*mixed emotions*

Excellently written!

Yrs.

Azaradelle.

[E. M. Murren]

I liked this. It is soft and sweet like a kitten. Truly lovely work.

[Kasey Klein]

Hello my friend.

Always good to hear for you.

Suggestion: On the kitty (kitty's) back, softly, softly.

I love the line: "fallen gold Of rustling foliage"

I once wrote: "dead leaves laugh under running feet."

You open and reveal nicely the secret world here, using pace to separate the worlds.

That's good stuff.