shabby rooster

 

Shabby rooster

 

The smell of burnt milk in the morning,

Parables of domesticities

Rise from the night of an unslept bed.

The tired ring of a sweating land-phone

That you cannot quite ignore and still…

Let it ring all the while the shower

Wasting your treasured dark exhaustion.

A shaft of light is waiting outside.

                       

Now again you have to watch your feet

Reviews

[ganymeder]

I like this, but I hate to say that parts of it didn't seem to quite fit.

>Rise from the night of an unslept bed<
just doesn't sound quite right to me. Maybe "In the morning, I rise from an unslept bed" or something like that?

Also,
>The tired ring of a sweating land-phone<
I didn't quite get that. "Sweating?" Why is it sweating?

I like the ending. :)

[lori c]

so many reasons for rising from an unslept bed...insomnia ? stress ? depression ? and the list goes on. one tries (burnt milk) but alas the restlessness of shadows must be washed away and one steps into the brightening day, aware that steps must be measured. loneliness ? masking the dark secret ? no matter. this is well done and caught me in the first reading.

[deadlife]

It is brilliant. I don't know if i've understood it..however what i've seen reading this, is an image of a person, extremly tensed, that he couldn't even sleep the whole night..and so there're morning blues..!
I love this piece. You write totally different..it's always nice to read your work. But to be honest..Sometimes i can't even touch the heights of your imagery..i try..i jump hard, but i just can't touch it..the thirsty tongues of my fingers slip everytime..untouched :)
You're a wonderful writer dear,thanks for sharing this one.
Blessings..

[Cece]

suddenly i draw
on the burnt milk
everytime i read

i think of the warming milk
at night to help you sleep
and unslept bed applies

i feel in this piece
the sleeping pills
coming into use

[JC Fox]

Cute, I liked it, the burnt milk left an interesting visual though

[Carrie Montgomery]

exquisitely done. one of your best. The words paint a picture that is so vivid it is easy for one to imagine this scene.there is a stark loneliness that is lent to this. well done.

[George Love]

Nicely doine

[Blue Bard]

I found this rather touching. There is something about that unanswered phone that fills the reader with dread and yet, the touch of loneliness, the shower image speaks to some wasted opportunity. I love the last line, a touch of comedy in a very strong poem. A definite favorite for me.

[Legion]

Trodding through life and all we do is watch our feet. So much to see. So much to see. Good write. I like the reality of it.

[waywithwords]

Loved this one my friend and yes I too agree that it is brilliant. Powerful indeed and a great choice of words that painted a masterpiece. Anne. xxx I gave you 150 rating and it has flipped back to one hundred and I do not know what else to do? Anne xxx