Moon on the rearview mirror{ assassin}

Moon on the rear view mirror (assassin)

         *****************************

 

Moon on the rear view mirror

Chasing the assassin’s speeding

Chariot. Adjust the glass-view,

Close your eyes for a while, still the

Moon is just behind your car.

An expert agent, moon shadowing

The assassin, still dipping in

Deaths of innocents, unawares.

Take a turn and fancy loosing

Him behind till his sarcastic

Grin illuminates the mirror.

The assassin moves to mop brow

He thinks of the screams rising from

The arson in a slam, he thinks

The shouting smells of burnt bodies.

Hands do not quiver on steering,

Only moon on a steady chase

And fog spreads on the obscure path.

 

A scream so secret, like a drop of dew

On a pool of oblivion, rises

From the deep throat of a crime not so old.

 

Reviews

[Alice Bliss]

An image I love is that of the moon's "sarcastic grin" illuminating the mirror. A crescent moon does seem to grin like it's laughing at us Earthlings. You convey the sense of the assassin's desperation to flee well. He's driving just to get away from a crime at first, but then he starts to feel like he's driving to get away from the moon. The last three lines are beautiful but they don't really flow with the rest of the poem. I think you should end with the image of fog spreading across his obscure path, and fit in the "A scream so secret..." part in earlier when he's thinking about his crimes. Just a thought!

[alternative_be]

I only the moon were able to speak...
I got the creeps reading this poem, so vividly describing the character of the ruthless criminal, not bothered by any sense of basic morality whatsoever!

This poem gave me shivers going through my spine, particularly the end:
"A scream so secret, like a drop of dew

On a pool of oblivion, rises

From the deep throat of a crime not so old."

[April Child]

Such rich and vivid imagery. I can see this guy driving along, clenching the steering wheel being chased by the all seeing moon.

A scream so secret, like a drop of dew
On a pool of oblivion, rises
From the deep throat of a crime not so old

Superb!

[Kasey Klein]

I like the imagery. It's a great effort.

(I emailed you on Gather)

[Carrie Montgomery]

ahhh yes, the all-knowing moon...gosh if that moon could talk. Wonderful images, spooky tale.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Oh man! Such a lovely metaphor..
This is really a great write, quite haunting indeed!
And yeah great imagery too.

[George Love]

The moon witnesses all the night's horrors, including those thought unseen. Great work!

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

I can't help but wonder what made you write this, seems haunting and chilling reading this. Great Write.

[maiarusm]

How do I say this..? Reading this gave me the shivers. I could just barely repress the images your words brought to surface inside my mind. All in all though, I believe this is a well-written piece. I have to wonder though what exactly was going on inside your head while writing this...