Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5
Ethernal

Ethernal

A Poem by Kyle J. Lawson
"

Alone forever with pity and insatiable cravings

"
The steel husk peeled back to reveal gears that tick inside
Grinding against dull colors of the lost and forgotten

A misplaced mind fades into the crumbling foundation of time
Claimed by the scrap metal graveyard

Restless and bound to never see the relief of death's light
Searching eternally to satisfy infectious cravings

Now nothing but a digital conscience cast aside
Hollow and resonating with frozen emptiness

© 2013 Kyle J. Lawson


Author's Note

Kyle J. Lawson
My first attempt at a Science Fiction/Cybyerpunk piece of poetry. Tell me what you like and don't like about and how I can improve.

Kyle~

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Beautifully written.
You have imagined things so well and put it nicely in to words.
I was totally involved in each and every lines imagining how it would have been.
like "The steel husk peeled back to reveal the gears that tick inside". It made me think like the exposure of the fresh bloody wound after the layer covering it gets removed. So i related it as pain exposure.
the one more i like is "Now nothing but a digital conscience cast aside
Hollow and resonating with frozen emptiness". Imagined just like a digital wave which can be either hollow(zero) or resonating (one). a confused mind to live or die.

I loved it a lot friend. Keep up your good work:)
Two thumbs up ;)

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Kyle J. Lawson

9 Years Ago

Hey, thanks. My first attempt at Sci-fi. :)
writer in trial

9 Years Ago

nice job :)
Kyle J. Lawson

9 Years Ago

Oh, and could you please rate it for me too?



Reviews

This was really well written, Kyle. I enjoyed this piece. For a first attempt it's amazing, wish I was this good at my first attempts, lol. Loved the structure and imagery, too.

~ Noodle.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

s y e

9 Years Ago

Very wrong, haha. It's great.
Kyle J. Lawson

9 Years Ago

Thanks again. :D
s y e

9 Years Ago

Welcome...!
"A misplaced mind fades into the crumbling foundation of time
Claimed by the scrap metal graveyard"
Many ways to died and many types of graveyards. I enjoyed the description. Easy to forget who we are and what we need. No weakness in the outstanding poem.
Coyote

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kyle J. Lawson

9 Years Ago

Thanks man! :D
Hi Kyle. I'm not familiar with a lot of science fiction/cyberpunk poetry, but I do like this write. Skillfully crafted free verse couplets. Powerful imagery, vividly creative that any reader will appreciate. Flow is good; line to line transition and breaks are done well. Nice rhythm and enjambment. Good depth of feeling as are the closing lines. Well penned. Write on!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kyle J. Lawson

9 Years Ago

Thanks again!
ShelleyA

9 Years Ago

You're welcome Kyle.
I love this, Kyle, but I have one suggestion that, I think, will turn this piece - which has superb images - from a commentary poem into a memorable one. I really feel this should be personal - as if the subject is speaking....the only change needed to achieve this is the first word - "My..." instead of "The....". Hope this is helpful. P.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kyle J. Lawson

9 Years Ago

Very helpful. Don't know why I didn't think of that.
Its good. I will give it 84 /100 :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


Kyle J. Lawson

9 Years Ago

Thank you! :)
Beautifully written.
You have imagined things so well and put it nicely in to words.
I was totally involved in each and every lines imagining how it would have been.
like "The steel husk peeled back to reveal the gears that tick inside". It made me think like the exposure of the fresh bloody wound after the layer covering it gets removed. So i related it as pain exposure.
the one more i like is "Now nothing but a digital conscience cast aside
Hollow and resonating with frozen emptiness". Imagined just like a digital wave which can be either hollow(zero) or resonating (one). a confused mind to live or die.

I loved it a lot friend. Keep up your good work:)
Two thumbs up ;)

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Kyle J. Lawson

9 Years Ago

Hey, thanks. My first attempt at Sci-fi. :)
writer in trial

9 Years Ago

nice job :)
Kyle J. Lawson

9 Years Ago

Oh, and could you please rate it for me too?

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

343 Views
6 Reviews
Rating
Added on July 3, 2013
Last Updated on August 20, 2013
Tags: sci-fi, science fiction, cyber, cyberpunk, cyber punk, machine, mechanical, digital, steam punk, steampunk, post apocalypse, poem, poetry

Author

Kyle J. Lawson
Kyle J. Lawson

Greenwood, IN



About
Greetings everyone, I'm Kyle. I've recently gotten into writing within the past three years and love doing it. I'm always looking for ways to improve, since I'm nowhere near good or great in any shape.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..