dying

im dying here

im fading fast

but im not going

to let them see

me break down

and never come back

im not going to

let them see

my pain and

my fear

i will just let my wrists see it

the blood is flowing 

fast and warm and red

i cant stop it

it wont stop coming

its starting to go dark

whats happening

im dying

and fading even faster

no one is here

theyll find me later

and laugh at the sight

they always said

i should end this life.....

.... help me

Reviews

[seal]

I liked the way you described the blood. Awesome write.

[Kaelyn Shea]

boy and a judgemental prick... well a few pricks actually

[Justin Street]

Quite depressing, but yet there is more to it? Maybe family, a boy, or a judgmental prick? Good write, it can reflect in many people

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful poem with a sad ending. Better to live a long life and make them pay for at least 50 more years. A strong story. I like the part not showing weakness. That is true. Even in a loss. Never show defeat. Make them wonder. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Angel Veselinov]

great piece strong emotions and sad ending

[zappy]

vey nice it is very good

[Livenrite]

Very scary but nice:) A great piece. Thanks for sharing!

[I Am Svetlana]

Very nice...I liked it

[Mike Espinosa]

This is an interesting piece. Your emotion and sincerity seemed to ring through crystal-clear. I think you could break this poem up into stanzas though. Maybe with every sentence or complete thought. Not necessary, but might make the reading a little easier.

I also think you should change the break between lines 7 and 8. "im not going to / let them see" I think the "to" should be on the latter line. At least, when I read it, it it made more sense there.

Other than that, ignoring grammar and punctuation, this poem is pretty good. Great job on this.

[Cookie]

So I suppose the actual meaning of the poem is very deep. The rhythm is reasonable.
I can't look past the that you don't use any punctuation, and you don't even capitalize "I".
You don't use a very good vocabulary in this poem.
I still like the idea of this poem, but the writing itself could use a lot of work.