The Checkout Line

My first attempt at a story.

I hate grocery shopping.  Never fails I invariably end up in the wrong line, the one where the cashier is either new, or the little old lady in front of me demands a price check on every other item. Today was no different. The cashier did not need to change the till tape right as she was about to start my order, so I should have seen the omen. Then it happened. A couple falls into line behind me, a squalling infant held in arms. I turn to look, and freeze.

 

Fifteen years since I last saw him. Time has been kind it seems.  A few more lines around his eyes, but still that same intensity to them.  Back then, they always seemed to be undressing me. The hair a little thinner than I remember running my fingers through, but not yet overtaken by grey.  Still the athlete's body I notice, not a trace of paunch, and as if by reflex, I straighten my shoulders a little, flatten my stomach some. It helps that his wife has not lost the baby weight obviously, and I feel only slight less self-conscious. Still, I would have preferred they been in front of me, not behind. Not my best angle.  I shimmy a little to the side, trying to obscure the offending vision somewhat. Camouflage with the grocery cart. (I've done this before)

Lean slightly forward so he does not see the items on the belt, obviously too meager to feed more than one. The conveyor belt screams judgement. I silently plead with God to let this cashier be quicker about it.

 

He speaks.  Oh, that accent. You can take the man out of Manchester, but not the Manchester out of the man.  That's not changed a bit. How well I remember how just the sound of it saying those naughty things could set me on fire. Damn, but it's hot in here! My cheeks flame red, as I recall those wild nights of ecstacy, unbridled passion, broken bed frames and wearing the biggest smile I have ever sported in my life. Can't the damned b***h pack my things any faster??? 

 

Recognition. I resign myself to it. Pleasantries exchanged, the words meaningless and forgotten now. They never were important to us, those who were more accustomed to paying lip service and speaking in tongues.

 

I pay the lady, hastily grab the handle of my trolley and begin to wheel away, "good to see you again Tony" I lie through gritted teeth, hopeful to make good my escape before it all comes flooding back to him, as easy as the dampening between my trembling thighs.

 

"Good to see you too,Tiger".

 

Too late.

Reviews

[That_Girl]

I knew I would love this no matter what when I read the title. Not sure if you want critiques or are just posting this for the hell of it, but I noticed you changed tenses a few times. Just a thought. Besides that, you wrote it well, I was entertained the entire time.

I also hate grocery shopping and checkout lines but never once has something like that happened to me while standing in one. I just might tolerate it a little more if it did. At least it would cut a little bit of the boring out. :) Nice job!

[LA Lorena]

Thanks That Girl. The change in tense is deliberate, as the story goes back and forth between present and past. I never mind feedback, it is appreciated.

Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for stopping by. Me? I prefer my trips to the grocery store to be boring. Then again, I'm old and can't take the excitement. ;)

[That_Girl]

This was where I got tripped up. "Then it happened. A couple falls into line behind me, a squalling infant held in arms. I turn to look, and freeze." Happened/turn. I don't know... I had to reread it.

The most fun I've ever had involved condoms, naturally. ;p But every other trip is like my personal version of hell. Rude adults, slow seniors, screaming brats... I just can't take it! lol

[LA Lorena]

LOL! I go on Saturday nights sometimes, just to avoid the crowds, and because I have nothing else to do on Saturday nights.

[That_Girl]

So THAT'S when I should go... Hmmm I'll keep that in mind. These Friday afternoons are starting to wear on me. ;) Kidding, I would die before going on a Friday afternoon...

[David Scott]

I'm glad to know others can respond so strongly to a memory of a lover...
I found this comforting. Yes, it was real! Yes, d****t, it is real!
I loved the story.

[LA Lorena]

glad you enjoyed it. some memories shall be eternal.

[Horizon K.]

I really liked this! I actually felt nervous reading it... wondering if he is going to notice her and all the little things about her that she doesn't want him to see. I think when it comes to past relationships, often we want all that is left to them to be a fantasy of past passions, or all they are allowed to see an illusion of a life perfected in their absence, but here she is exposed, real, single, maybe fatter in front of him... but hoping she left him with a taste of longing for those past passionate moments and not anything less appealing...

[LA Lorena]

thank you Hoizon, for your kind and considered review.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

Well LA-L, as Tony the Tiger says, "It's GREAT!" :) ... seriously, damn good writing. An eminently readable contemporary vignette. Believe it or not, I think this scenario is more common than we might at first imagine. It's certainly happened to me. She doesn't shop there any more. Probably to make sure it never happens again.

[LA Lorena]

Thank you UFO. I appreciate you stopping by and reading, and the comments. Nice to meet you. :)

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAuthor]

Nice to meet you too. :)

[Clayton Bardwell]

" My first attempt at a story." You can't say that anymore. Go on and admit it, it was fun! Wasn't it? You drew me into your awkwardness and made me remember mine. Great job.

Tony and the Tiger.

[LA Lorena]

It was fun! But I am conditioned for poetry. I did like it though, and may just try it again sometime.

[Clayton Bardwell]

Can't wait.

[LA Lorena]

LOL. Tony and Tiger. I never even thought of that then! Perhaps I was not doing much thinking then! ;)

[Clayton Bardwell]

It's may be because we have an extra, albeit, smaller brain.

[Renée]

If this is your first attempt at a story..you did it very well ! Had me from the beginning and unexpected ending..

[LA Lorena]

thanks renee. i am glad you enjoyed it.

[Renée]

my pleasure...

[FJ Davis]

Professionally styled; very ably written.
Your literary touch is deft and light--without ignoring unsettling "romantic" undercurrents.
Speaking of touch, couldn't you have much more deeply explored "the dampening between" your "trembling thighs?"
Then, again, perhaps you did--later.

[LA Lorena]

I could have frank. Perhaps I'm saving it for a future poem?

[FJ Davis]

I'd very much like that.

[LA Lorena]

don't you ever stop? ;)

[Tree]

LA this was a fantastic bit of prose. My own personal nightmare. And you keep the reader engaged (I had to laugh) while wasting little in the way of unnecessary language, but not compromising at all describing in detail exactly what we need to know. I think the speaker reacted with dignity and came off well, though it sounded as if she left pretty flustered:) great piece, thoroughly enjoyed

[LA Lorena]

thank you Diego. glad you enjoyed it!

[quinfinn]

well, i'll be ....you have done quite well, on your first foray into the storytelling. i could have told you it would be good, because so many of your poems tell excellent stories to begin with. this was interesting, fun and direct and honest....honesty plays a huge role, i think. but yes, i think this suits you just fine. well done!

[LA Lorena]

thanks Quin. I kept trying to squeeze a poem out of it, but it just kept insisting on being a story.

[quinfinn]

these things happen, as you will note. i sometimes revert to storytelling instead of poetry. i think you are a great storyteller

[LA Lorena]

:) thanks Quin.

[KAOlmsted]

Very good first attempt at story writing, LA...well done. I found the first bit very funny, because I get in that line, too. Always. It doesn't even bother me anymore, because I know it's going to happen. As for the ex...nice. I don't live anywhere near where any of my exes live, unless there has been a relocation en mass I am unaware of and now they all live in the Panhandle ;-) I can just imagine it, though...really good work.

[LA Lorena]

thanks kimmer. It was fun to try my hand at something new. glad you enjoyed!

[KAOlmsted]

I did, very much.