Over the Underside

 

I wanted you so bad it hurt

That deep down ache hurt

Hurt that distracted my days

And bled my nights into daylight dreams

Of Sunday sun streaming

And two sweaty shadows twisting in the dirt

Yeah

It was that kind of hurt

It made me damn crazy

I

Spent

So many hazy days barely making it through

Still dreaming of you

Wanting you in the worst way

But

That familiar throbbing ache just kept me awake

Made me loco over the underside of the bridge

Where I crashed against the rocks

And thrashed in my bubbling grief stew

Until

I

Knew

There would be no relief

And nowhere to hide

Just the throbbing inside

Oh

My

GOD!

I wanted you so bad it hurt

Reviews

[OceanTropic]

Yes!! I relate so much.. and the whole imagery with the bubbling and crashing into the rocks, I can just feel it in my stomach.

I really liked the style you used. Isolating some words and combining others. I really appreciated that, made the poem alot more impactful. Great write!

[Kiara]

powerful piece!
highly enjoyed reading this : )
-arabella

[Devan]

Love this! I love the voice that comes across. It is definitely distinct. Very interesting choice of line structure. I really enjoy the one word lines; they provide great emphasis.

[Robert Luna]

Very creative piece here. I enjoyed the flow and thoughts it invoked with in my own head. I like the short broke lines truly added to the entirety of the piece and the way it worked all together. You seem to inspire me quite a bit with your words and the way they effect my thoughts.


Great Job!!!!!!!

[Clockwork]

I agree, it is very well done. Your form really gives the message power. very well done!

[Angel's Lady]

Damn powerful stuff! Very dynamically written.
You really know how to paint a vivid picture!
Wow. Great job!