Everything's Changing

This poem is my all-time favourite so constructive reviews would be happily considered.

 

I

 

He sits. Posture refined. Perfect balance.

A figure of a bygone age, astute as

His fingers grace the ivory with precision

A Schumann fugue, timing on point

 

Carefully measured mordents and trills

A model of his father, in another era

Sickeningly English, the epitome

Of pomposity and pride but

 

Constrained. Held in the choke of rigid structure

Tethered down by fine technique without

Fervidity, the taste of it is bland and dry

Pining for vitality and love.

 

II

 

Lamenting desperate cries from wounded soldiers

Muffled by the mud and silently lost.

The birds bewail a mournful ballad

Of dissonant and distant deaths upon the fields

 

He stands, a stranger to conflict and pain

Armed with foreign instruments he fumbles,

Knowing the code but void of fighting passion

Stumbling blindly into battle, release.

 

But with flaming tears he watches his comrades fall

And like a butterfly spawning from a

Cocoon he is reborn into a warrior,

His soul ignited by adrenaline.

 

Ribbons of blood flow freely like the Somme

Casting vehement and cruel ideas in the

Minds of the innocent and kind, a drug.

Details will blur, fazed by the hate.

 

The tempo quickens and, hazed by ardent fury,

He bites his tongue in burning bliss. Alas!

A poison fog descends, like a predator, consuming.

Hysteria ensues. It crawls into the eyes. Black.

 

III

 

He sits. Reduced. Without his blessed sight.

Seven months on, mustering strength to touch

The keys. A prelude of Debussy’s but

Things have changed, a new layer of detail.

 

He feels the music pulse throughout his blood.

Entwined with it, beyond the page, he plays

Arpeggiated streams like Arabesque

Ripples, radiating beauty and joy.

 

He ponders on each subtle note, each pause.

Drunk with romantic flair he is

Uncorked, senses foaming to flood the room

Muscles relax, immersed in peace.

 

Author's Note

I've been trying to make this perfect for a while now so any constructive criticsim would be greatly appreciated. Thank you :)

Reviews

[Arianne Goldbloom]

This conjures images of a beserker warrior, both victorious and lost. He has won many battles, but they have left a stain on his mind, irremovable. The only way for him to find peace is to lose himself in yet another battle, ordained beyond his control.

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

Lewis this was a very tight piece, and somewhat obscure but it makes the reader work, which I appreciate. Well done.

[black.butterfly]

Even though it is a horrific scene for a man clinging to what's left, there is an air of class, nobility and honor in the words. Fantastic piece.

[LynGeist]

My heart read this piece. What i see is a fighting soldier wounded in battle who has found peace within his music. I have no criticism because the simple plot,(if i have it right)was told with beauty and grace. good luck,i hope it wins

[Hadeel ( Charming Fairy..]

Its really amazing , and has so many powerful meanings
and words, Great job :)

[gabrielle]

Sacrificing passion over patriotic duties.
To me, this is the message of this piece. It's a sad plight but then life is not perfect.
English is just my third language and i must say that i learned so much words from this work. Truly, amazing write.

[ralphcloud]

A soldier boy lament... reminiscing his musical talent in the trenches...a very odd fate.

[rnuff]

I am not good at constructive criticsim,
But i enjoyed this, i found it intriguing/