Fragments

Fragments

A Poem by Lola Nation
"

Three pieces...

"

 

Solitaire
He was playing records
She was tossing aces
Neither one aware
They were losing at the game

His hair was getting thinner
The walls were growing bare
Neither scratched the surface
or seemed notice
the other one
existed.

(and somewhere, vultures circled in for landing)
 
 
Lost in Translation
Carbon didn't copy
So Type lost its face
Minutes to the whistle
Wet had lost her taste
She blew between lips
But it all came out crackers,
Salty
dry
and all over
the place.
 
 
Math Skills
With nothing left in common
The denominator
divides
---------------splits
and runs into the next
lowest level of its species.

© 2008 Lola Nation


Author's Note

Lola Nation
I'd enjoy some edits, criticism and comments

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

I will just go ahead and talk about my favorite of the three and thank you sincerely for your recent read of Pink Slips.
I really enjoyed Lostin Translation for several reasons. For one, there is a genuinley witty feel to it that doesn't feel pressured and you use associative words to bring the personifications out without being clich� or sounding like you are trying to be cute, even though it is rather clever. I think after the first few lines it crumbles a bit, but who knows, that could well be intentional, with the cracker reference and all. However, I rather enjoyed it and had a good smile too. Thanks.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I will just go ahead and talk about my favorite of the three and thank you sincerely for your recent read of Pink Slips.
I really enjoyed Lostin Translation for several reasons. For one, there is a genuinley witty feel to it that doesn't feel pressured and you use associative words to bring the personifications out without being clich� or sounding like you are trying to be cute, even though it is rather clever. I think after the first few lines it crumbles a bit, but who knows, that could well be intentional, with the cracker reference and all. However, I rather enjoyed it and had a good smile too. Thanks.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I think this was very inovative and fresh, very well put together. Nice Write.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Okay ... here goes:

On Math Skills, I'd like to hear more of drawing lines, finding time, never crossing it. You leave me (the reader) wondering about the remainder. Fractions suck.

Lost in Translation ... hmmm ... I could get silly and ask where else does one blow if not between lips? Their arse? Okay, strike that. I like your use of metaphor on this one. Crackers!

Solitaire. Just kinda sad. But a nice short piece. The aside concerning vultures is apropos.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Shorter poetry is often much harder and I enjoyed all three considering the restraint. It follows then, that Solitaire seemed a bit wordy. The end of Solitaire I liked but not the wording itself. "scratched the surface" i liked particularly for the dry bite.
Lost in Translation was my favorite, but it was close with Math Skills. I thought Math skills was clever and the ending was a very nice simple relation. However, the overflow of sensory images from Lost in Translation was very tangible. "So Type lost its face" was a great line by the way.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

looove lost in translation.

the ending of solitaire could be better though.


Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

261 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Added on September 11, 2008

Author

Lola Nation
Lola Nation

Los Angeles, CA



About
Please find my work on these two sites. For poetry: http://insult-to-injury-poetry.blogspot.com/. For short stories: http://make-it-short.blogspot.com/ ABOUT ME: I am originally from Venice Be.. more..

Writing
Careened Careened

A Poem by Lola Nation