I will just go ahead and talk about my favorite of the three and thank you sincerely for your recent read of Pink Slips.
I really enjoyed Lostin Translation for several reasons. For one, there is a genuinley witty feel to it that doesn't feel pressured and you use associative words to bring the personifications out without being clich or sounding like you are trying to be cute, even though it is rather clever. I think after the first few lines it crumbles a bit, but who knows, that could well be intentional, with the cracker reference and all. However, I rather enjoyed it and had a good smile too. Thanks.
I will just go ahead and talk about my favorite of the three and thank you sincerely for your recent read of Pink Slips.
I really enjoyed Lostin Translation for several reasons. For one, there is a genuinley witty feel to it that doesn't feel pressured and you use associative words to bring the personifications out without being clich or sounding like you are trying to be cute, even though it is rather clever. I think after the first few lines it crumbles a bit, but who knows, that could well be intentional, with the cracker reference and all. However, I rather enjoyed it and had a good smile too. Thanks.
On Math Skills, I'd like to hear more of drawing lines, finding time, never crossing it. You leave me (the reader) wondering about the remainder. Fractions suck.
Lost in Translation ... hmmm ... I could get silly and ask where else does one blow if not between lips? Their arse? Okay, strike that. I like your use of metaphor on this one. Crackers!
Solitaire. Just kinda sad. But a nice short piece. The aside concerning vultures is apropos.
Shorter poetry is often much harder and I enjoyed all three considering the restraint. It follows then, that Solitaire seemed a bit wordy. The end of Solitaire I liked but not the wording itself. "scratched the surface" i liked particularly for the dry bite.
Lost in Translation was my favorite, but it was close with Math Skills. I thought Math skills was clever and the ending was a very nice simple relation. However, the overflow of sensory images from Lost in Translation was very tangible. "So Type lost its face" was a great line by the way.
Please find my work on these two sites. For poetry: http://insult-to-injury-poetry.blogspot.com/. For short stories: http://make-it-short.blogspot.com/
ABOUT ME:
I am originally from Venice Be.. more..