The Red Pitchfork

A college assignemnt. I needed to pick my best or worst experience with one of the 5 senses. I was the only person to recieve an A on this, and it's a piece I am extremely proud of.

This miserable fall day could have never prepared my eyes for the beauty that was to come only hours later. For once, the Manhattan air was not dominated by taxi horns, and the sound of corporate neck ties stepping their way through the city streets and sidewalks, but instead, by the sound of rain droplets plunging from the sky and on to the pavement. However, nothing really seemed out of the ordinary. I made my 19 block walk from Penn Station to Roseland Ballroom, and there she was waiting for me. Only literally in my dreams. Living, breathing, walking, talking beauty, the most vivid of its kind, standing not ten feet away from me. She is clearly out of my league. Infact, I can't imagine that she is in anyones league.

 

I could not take my eyes off of her. Her lips. Jesus Christ those lips that she had. Full lips that fit her face quite nicely that were painted in a crimson and shined to perfection which easily stood out on her smooth, powdery skin. A silver hoop hugged the right side of her bottom lip that I caught her tongue playing with on several glances that I took the liberty of taking. A small and pointy nose sat in the center of her face with a tiny, fake diamond stud going through her left nostril. She had the bluest eyes that would camouflage in a clear July sky. Wrapped around her eyes was a thick black layer of eye shadow and mascara which dripped down her cheeks from the tearing sky. And it was at this point that I realized, Atreyu was wrong. There IS beauty in bleeding mascara. She chose not to take advantage of the hood that was attached to her grey hoodie, and let her silky and straight jet black hair mosh through the wind. Her hair seemed to flail through the air and into her face in slow motion, which she would constantly clear away from her eyes with her small, pale, black nail polish painted fingers.

 

This specimen could not have been more than 5 feet, 3 inches tall. She had small breasts that were perfectly proportionate to her body. She was short and skinny, which made her tall, black and white boots that probably contained enough lace to lasso the homeless guy across the street that was screaming what seemed like a mix between Gibberish and Japanese, or some other language that I will never learn...or maybe it was perfect English but I just chose not to pay attention, stand out as one of her many visible bold features. She stood talking to her two girlfriends for the next hour until the venue had opened, and I am confident that if I was asked to give a detailed description of either of them to police, it would extend to them both being female, and end right then and there.

 

It was finally time to walk into the venue. I had my friends ticket that I was waiting for, and lucky for me, that son of a b***h was late, and I was forced to let people that were behind me go inside before I could. For whatever reason, I chose to never bring this chick up to him even though it had consumed me for the entire night. I watched as the only thing that has ever literally taken my breath away turned her back on me and walk into the distance. It wasn't until seconds before the last time I would ever lay my eyes on her that I noticed the red pitchfork tattoo on the back of her right leg. Just another unique feature that stood out to me in case our paths were meant to cross again that night, or any night. Instead of enjoying the show, I spent a majority of it with my eyes wandering across this orgy of thousands, looking for the girl with the pierced face and black hair. However, she was nowhere to be seen. While it was a disappointment, her figure is forever branded in my mind until the day that our four blue eyes become tangled from a close distance, or until I am the only person to notice an illuminating red pitchfork on the back of someones right leg.

 

T. Val

Author's Note

Please rate, and give any feedback. I hope this piece was enjoyed by all of you.

Reviews

[KurKota]

The beauty is in the details.... and in this case you definitely knew them ! Good job of conveying them also. Thank you for shairing.

[T. Val]

Thank you so much

[C.E.W]

"She was short and skinny, which made her tall, black and white boots that probably contained enough lace to lasso the homeless guy across the street that was screaming what seemed like a mix between Gibberish and Japanese, or some other language that I will never learn..." I'm sorry but this is my favorite part...Its funny and awesome, you do have a skill of details and writing.

[T. Val]

Thank you so much for the kind words

[Starlit]

I really enjoyed your detailed description of the girl. This is a very well layed out encounter, which I was able to envision very well. Great job!!!

[T. Val]

Thanks so much. I'm glad you enjoyed this.

[Kaylin R. Boyd]

Great imagery and word choice. Well done on the descriptions. :)

[T. Val]

Thanks so much.

[NakkedCowgirl]

I really enjoyed your word choice in this piece i.e. mosh and orgy used in unique ways, and the way you described her left a clear picture in my mind.
Bravo

[T. Val]

Well thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed this.

[byPatKeegan]

Good descriptions throughout. As others have said, you have a skill at describing details.

I would have liked to see something more though. Either dramatic conflict or at least a deeper connection with the main character through understanding what his thoughts were about her on a deeper level.

Understanding of course it was an assignment and all. Still...would love to see you add major conflict, like you have to save her from a boyfriend that's beating her up, or a car that pulls up and snatches her off the street to which you give chase, or whatever :)

[T. Val]

Thanks so much for reading.

[TammyJo]

I love this piece you wrote

[T. Val]

I'm glad you enjoyed this. Thank you so much.

[The Nude Writer]

Wow! I can see why you got good marks! :) This is fantastic. You really covered your description of her perfectly, I could picture her exactly as you see her :) (If I could draw I would do a sketch for you to see if I'm right) You really have a way with words. Thanks for suggesting I read this! =D

[T. Val]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this :)

[Epipsychologist]

Your descriptions are great, but I didn't know what you were doing until the last paragraph, which made me think maybe you were stalking her. Also, this reminded me of a missed connections kind of thing. Maybe she'll come across this.

[T. Val]

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this!

[Callista-Jade]

You have an incredible talent for describing things. One of the most vivid stories I've ever read. A movie couldn't have put the scene in my head as well as you did. That aside, I found it interesting that, just looking at the title, I didn't expect the story to be like that at all. Anyhow, it was a great story. I enjoyed reading it quite a bit and let me assure you, you have great reason to be proud of it. :) Nice work.

[T. Val]

Thanks so much for the kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed this!