Zero Silence - Prologue

Zero Silence - Prologue

A Chapter by Lady Cardinal
"

He plans when he is awake. He kills when he sleeps. A short Prologue for a novel that might never be written.

"

He looked over the plans again.  He had to drill this information into his brain or else it will never work as it was supposed to.  There was little room for mistakes.  It had been a while since he last done this, but everything was going to be fine.

            His forehead was dripping of sweat.  The little apartment he lived in had no air conditioning.  It was in the middle of the night in the summer.  He ran his long pale fingers through his short, black hair.  His brown eyes were scanning his notes for the twelfth time.

            “I go downstairs.  Turn left.  Go out the front door.  Go straight to the gate.  Turn left.  Walk a mile straight ahead.  Turn right.  Walk sixteen steps then turn a hard right.  Open the front door.  Walk up the stairs located on the left side.  Turn a right at the top.  Walk five steps and turn right at the bedroom door.  Shoot him twice in the head.  Turn around and come back,” he muttered repeatedly under his breath.

            This wouldn’t be the first time he murdered in his sleep.  A year earlier, he was on trial for killing four people at a gas station.  But the twist was, he did it all in his sleep.  It had taken the judge and jury months to come to a decision.

            They found him innocent with reasons of insanity.  He was immediately sent to an asylum, where he had to remain there for the rest of his life.  The guards strapped his body down on a bed in a little white room in fear of killing anyone who comes in to see him.  Day and night, he laid there staring at the while ceiling muttering to himself.

            “Loosen straps.  Get off the bed.  Stand by the door.  Wait for the night guard to come through the door.  Strangle him.  Take his gun located on his right hip.  Take his badge located in his left breast pocket.  Run down the hallway and swipe the badge to open the cage door.  Go down the stairs on the right side.  Turn left.  Kill the man behind the front desk with gun.  Run through the front door and just run until I fall.”  He fell asleep.

            The next morning, the newscaster reported two guards dead from strangulation and one shot in the head at the front desk.  The public was informed about the one missing insane person who had to be responsible for the death of three people.

            He had woken up three miles away from the asylum.  His white slacks were covered with dirt and leaves.  His feet bloodied after running over twigs.  He still had the guard’s gun in his left hand.  He smiled in victory.  Everything went recording to the plan.  He dropped the gun and started walking away.  There was no point of taking it with him now that he was awake.  It didn’t matter if the cops and detectives find it because they already knew it was him.

            For a year, he had changed his appearance, his name, and his whole life.  No one could recognize him now.  For a whole year, he hadn’t killed a single person.  Not because he wanted a clean start, but there was no one worth his time to kill.  That changed in a week ago.  Leko Poison.

            Just the thought of the name made him curl his fist.  Tonight will be the night Klaus Ryans will draw his last breath. 

 



© 2011 Lady Cardinal


Author's Note

Lady Cardinal
Been I was writing this, I actually did a lot of researching on sleep killing. Very interesting and it happens apparently. Google it when you get bored next time. Juicy stuff.

My Review

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"or else it will never work as it was supposed to" - "it would never work" - Don't change verb tenses, especially not in the middle of a sentence.
The narrative jumps around a bit, but this works really well for the story you're telling. Someone with the protagonist's mental state isn't going to be logical and rational in their train of thought, are they?
comma after "Walk sixteen steps"
"innocent with reasons of insanity" - awkward - should it be "innocent by reason of insanity"?
"anyone who comes in" - "anyone who came in"
"he laid there" - "lay"
"at the while ceiling" - "white" - comma after "ceiling"
I think that "He fell asleep" should be its own paragraph for greater impact.
"the death of three people" - "deaths"
"went recording to the plan" - "according"
"It didn’t matter if the cops and detectives find it" - "found" - comma after "it"
I think that "Leko Poison" should be a separate "paragraph," too.
"Tonight will be the night Klaus Ryans will draw his last breath." - "Tonight would be the night Klaus Ryans would draw his last breath" or "...Klaus Ryans drew his last breath."

You do a good job showing how the protagonist thinks, and the short, often incomplete sentences when he talks to himself add a lot of information.

Posted 10 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Oh gosh that's some idea. Killing whilst sleeping, now that's something. I was really hooked whilst reading this. If you do decide to continue with it, I would love to read it. I loved the way you described the plans running through his head, and then because of that there didn't need to be any description of the actualy act. Wonderfullly implied.

Posted 9 Years Ago


"or else it will never work as it was supposed to" - "it would never work" - Don't change verb tenses, especially not in the middle of a sentence.
The narrative jumps around a bit, but this works really well for the story you're telling. Someone with the protagonist's mental state isn't going to be logical and rational in their train of thought, are they?
comma after "Walk sixteen steps"
"innocent with reasons of insanity" - awkward - should it be "innocent by reason of insanity"?
"anyone who comes in" - "anyone who came in"
"he laid there" - "lay"
"at the while ceiling" - "white" - comma after "ceiling"
I think that "He fell asleep" should be its own paragraph for greater impact.
"the death of three people" - "deaths"
"went recording to the plan" - "according"
"It didn’t matter if the cops and detectives find it" - "found" - comma after "it"
I think that "Leko Poison" should be a separate "paragraph," too.
"Tonight will be the night Klaus Ryans will draw his last breath." - "Tonight would be the night Klaus Ryans would draw his last breath" or "...Klaus Ryans drew his last breath."

You do a good job showing how the protagonist thinks, and the short, often incomplete sentences when he talks to himself add a lot of information.

Posted 10 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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Lady Cardinal
Lady Cardinal

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