My Light

a poem/short story about a special person that i gave up, simply because he deserved better than what i could him.

for the longest time, i drowned in darkness and sadness,

and lived my life cowering from almost everything.

no way to live, but it was my way of life.

i opened to my few close ones,

and slammed the door to the unknown.

quiet and alone, i was lost to the world

and i honestly didn’t mind.

watching the world around me

while i stood on the sidelines.

i never really gave anything new a chance.

living this life comfortably,

the illusion that i was invisible shattered.

a note from a boy, i have never spoken to

appeared in my lap.

in confusion and curiosity i opened it.

even when my mind told me to brush it off and move on,

my heart said to open it.

and i was stupid enough to actually listen to it.

the note open, words full of hope and wonder

poured out of it, with no shame and without reservation.

i stared in wonder, and bewilderment.

words of adoration and love gushed out.

i folded the note up and stowed it away.

out of sight out of mind.

until i was approached the next day,

by the boy with the unexpected letter.

i made an excuse and ran away,

away from the unknown the boy with the letter represented.

but he didn’t give up like i expected him to.

he tried again, and again, until i finally let myself open to him.

he took an interest in me, and i let him get close to me,

and myself to him.

a big mistake.

he got close and i got attached.

i basked in his light he willingly gave,

and because of some selfish reason i encouraged him

because his light was warm, and bright.

and my life before that was dim and bleak.

and i enjoyed his light that was his love.

he called me, and texted me, and talked to me

and he listened. the way i wanted to be listened to.

he never failed to tell me i was beautiful every single day

more than just once.

he was everything i never thought i’d get in life.

but i was unable to be what he deserved.

he was my light. my personal sun.

and i was this dark swirl of emotions and gloom.

not knowing how to return the love he had for me,

i promised myself i’d let him go,

because he deserved someone who was able to love him back

uncomfortable with this new and unpredictable situation,

i began to distance myself a little more, everyday.

until i avoided him in the hallway,

and avoided his wonderful texts and calls,

and withdrew from his light, that was his love.

i once again receded back into my dark abyss

of dangerous obscurity

and swirling haze that was my mind.

i told him to move on, to find someone better for him than me,

because i was good for no one.

I painfully watched as i broke the boy with the letter’s heart.

I watched as he let go, painfully realizing that i had already let him go.

and i retreated to my infernal regions,

away from my safe haven which was the boy with the letter’s,

appalled that i hurt the one thing that made me feel alive and loved

I cried as i said goodbye to his light.

Author's Note

please ignore grammar problems, miss spellings, and any mistakes made and focus on the feelings and emotions in the poem. any and all reviews are appreciated, thank you.