If Seuss Ran Verona

As an assignment for class, we had to reinvent a particular scene from Romeo and Juliet. I chose to write it this way to emphasize the couple's age, though the rhyme is not true anapestic tetrameter.

In times past, he was a casanova;
but what teenaged boy is this good with girls?
Young boys are not smooth with their young lovers.
Instead, the boy's speech could make a lady hurl!
We meet our hero in the party scene:
The scene where heroes become a thing.
There is tension and romance galore,
but Romeo's past verse can be a bore.
While Tybalt tenaciously tries to kill,
Romeo falls for her, against God's will.
ROMEO: What a great party! Rosalind no where.
    But wait! What beauty is seen over there?
SERVANT: It could be the flowers! It could be trees!
    I know not what you see, so please leave me.
ROMEO: She is no flower, nor she a tree.
    But the light that directs my ship to her shore.
    She shines brighter than any ship shiner
    That had shone any ships to their shores.
    Her beauty so fair, there is none finer
    Than the beauty that Cupid picked for me.
    Amid the sea of sickening ogres,
    Surrounded by my eternal foes,
    Awaits a girl finer than any other!
    She more refined than that Rosaline hoe!
    She so fine, she is no girl, but a gem!
    A single pearl discovered in the sand!
    Sometime tomorrow, am or pm,
    I, Romeo Montegue, will take her hand!
    For, before this night, I have never seen
    A truer beauty than her fair being.
    This beauty seen will be the death of me.
Romeo crossed the ballroom to see her,
Cleverly concocting a courting verse
Hoping to coax the contessa to kiss him.  
Tybalt persuaded to not disturb them.
ROMEO: (to Juliet) Hello, lady. I bow to your beauty,
    And extend my unworthy hand, unless,
    It offends the babe of Aphrodite.
    If so, I will offer, for you, my lips.
JULIET: Sir, it is not your hand that offends me,
    But your advances that make little me blush!
    Everyone has hands, including the priest.
    Take more than my hand, then to him rush.
ROMEO: Hey baby! Even the priest has lips, too!
JULIET: If you dare kiss me, I bid you adieu!
    Priests only use their lips for praying, dude;
    Using hands to atone for their acts, rude.
ROMEO: You are right. I must repent for my slip.
    I have an idea! Let our hands be lips!
    If it were not for you, my faith I'd miss;
    So I ask for my redemption, a kiss.
JULIET: That's not how this works! You did this yourself.
    I cannot restore your faith, heathen elf!
    But, say I'm a savior then here I'll stay.
    My righteous manner will show you the way.
ROMEO: Angel, stay and show me your righteous way.
    For my unholy sin, my lips repay.
The young couple made out passionately.
JULIET: Boy, have you imposed your sin upon me!?
ROMEO: Is it because it was me that you kissed?
    Another kiss, this will fix. I insist!
Again, the two smooched. They lipped and they French'd.
During this kiss, to Romeo she clenched.
JULIET: My man, that kiss was so delightful!
    Placement of your lips on mine is rightful.
Then came the Nurse, bid her for her mother
Giving him news that incites his bother.
NURSE: My dear Juliet, your mom wants a word.
ROMEO: Excuse me, who is the mom of that bird?
NURSE: That BIRD is the daughter of Capulet!
    Helped raise and feed her since in a bonnet.
    She is smart, chaste, and nice, the girl you met.
    The man that wins her heart is a sure bet.
ROMEO: She a Capulet? The blood of my foes?
    She my beloved enemy Fate chose.
Was at this time that the party did end;
All had left, save for the lover and her friend.
JULIET: Hey, who is that guy standing over there?
NURSE: He is old Tiberio's son and heir!
JULIET: No, not him! The one going out the door.
NURSE: Petruchio, why? What do you ask for?
JULIET: No, not him either! This boy would not dance.
NURSE: You should have asked him when you had the chance.
JULIET: You know who he is, Nurse! I know you do!
NURSE: His name is Romeo, a Montegue.
JULIET: Montegue is my future husband's name?
    No one knows tragedy like this young dame.
    The one I love is the one I must hate.
    Why must I hate the one I want to date?
NURSE: Child, what melodrama are you speaking?
JULIET: I am speaking what my heart is weeping.