Lost

Lost

A Poem by Lewis Stockton
"

Inspired by Firefly

"
The Engines were quiet 
and the Power was drained. 
Serenity lost; dying with its Captain.
Lost and Alone, he bleeds on the deck,
his family gone and his life slipping away
His one true wish for another Breath,
No one wants to die alone,
but everyone dies alone,
Here, there and everywhere;
People die alone,
because no one leaves Serenity.

© 2011 Lewis Stockton


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Featured Review

I really like fireflies because they glow in the dark.

I think that maybe, like I said in your last poem, you should learn proper use of capitalisations. However, this has helped define your style and is almost like a trademark or signature. I salute you.

The 'engines being quiet' and 'power was drained' gives strong imagery, perhaps being on a vehicle. Or a factory. Or both.

In my realisation of this poem, Serenity is a cat. The poor cat went missing. ;_; And now it's dieing with its captain. Cats don't even normally have captains so this must've been a talented cat. Maybe a police cat, instead of a dog. Serenity may have had a keen sense of smell and been able to sniff out drugs, and played a pivotal role in a drug raid.

Lost and Alone; I imagined them to be two police men. This means the next sentence has an improper use of pronoun, as it should be 'they', not 'he'.

The line 'he bleeds on the deck.' To me, this is Lost and Alone who lost their lives during the drug raid, as the gangsters reacted violently with firearms. They were shot in the lungs, which is why they wish for only another breath. I also believe that it is quite evident, the drug raid was on a boat, hence being on the deck. This ideal, is reinforced by the engines and power, mentioned earlier.

Not everyone dies alone. For example; Lost and Alone have died together in the drug raid along with Serenity.

Here, there, and everywhere. Fraboli everywhere.

No-one leaves poor kitty.

As per my last review, please use red. Purple is a really gay font colour.

Rated: 100/100

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

A thought somewhat derailed in it’s analogy to the episode in that everyone survives at the end.
I notice a certain proclivity to add redundant “and”s to the start of lines, which somewhat break whatever little flow the poem had going in its opening lines.
I see how you personify the ship, and comparing it’s powering down to that of the captain, making some almost competent imagery.
You emphasize the solitude with the double whammy of “lost” and “alone”.
Likewise, you emphasize the “alone”ness later in the poem, repeating “alone” at the end of two lines. Hooking them with the philosophical truth that “no one wants to die alone”; then dashing their hopes with your brutal honesty – that everyone, in fact, does. You wild deifier of conventions. Except for the people who have people next to them when they die, but more likely you are talking in a broader spiritual sense.
I feel the “here, there and everywhere” adds a somewhat jaunty turn to an otherwise macabre and morose selection of words. Whether this is a good thing, but it is not for me to comment on a talent such as this. It would be cruel. Then, crashing back to reality, you blow us away with the fact that people die alone.
The line about never leaving serenity confuses me, both in the context of the show and the poem. Unless, yet again you play with the conventions of our expectations and are now referring to the serenity of death. Because frankly, in the show they left the ship all the time.


Posted 12 Years Ago


I really like fireflies because they glow in the dark.

I think that maybe, like I said in your last poem, you should learn proper use of capitalisations. However, this has helped define your style and is almost like a trademark or signature. I salute you.

The 'engines being quiet' and 'power was drained' gives strong imagery, perhaps being on a vehicle. Or a factory. Or both.

In my realisation of this poem, Serenity is a cat. The poor cat went missing. ;_; And now it's dieing with its captain. Cats don't even normally have captains so this must've been a talented cat. Maybe a police cat, instead of a dog. Serenity may have had a keen sense of smell and been able to sniff out drugs, and played a pivotal role in a drug raid.

Lost and Alone; I imagined them to be two police men. This means the next sentence has an improper use of pronoun, as it should be 'they', not 'he'.

The line 'he bleeds on the deck.' To me, this is Lost and Alone who lost their lives during the drug raid, as the gangsters reacted violently with firearms. They were shot in the lungs, which is why they wish for only another breath. I also believe that it is quite evident, the drug raid was on a boat, hence being on the deck. This ideal, is reinforced by the engines and power, mentioned earlier.

Not everyone dies alone. For example; Lost and Alone have died together in the drug raid along with Serenity.

Here, there, and everywhere. Fraboli everywhere.

No-one leaves poor kitty.

As per my last review, please use red. Purple is a really gay font colour.

Rated: 100/100

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

your right everyone dose die alone thats why we try to stay closer to others durning our life evryone needs a friend good job

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 3 people found this review constructive.


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Added on September 7, 2011
Last Updated on September 7, 2011

Author

Lewis Stockton
Lewis Stockton

Doncaster, South Yorkshire, United Kingdom



About
My Name is Lewis Stockton, Currently iin London Metropolitan University studying BSC Computer Games Progamming , a 3 year course. I have always liked to read and write and will have a number of extrac.. more..

Writing