I Just Wanted To Be Loved

When I was 10, I couldn’t wait to grow up and have a boyfriend;

Someone to hold hands with in the back seat of his car

And someone to kiss me like they do in the movies.

 

But when I got old enough to understand what girls really did in the back seat of their boyfriend’s car

The only reason boys paid attention to me was so they could tell me that I was fat

Or that I was so ugly that no-one would even want to rape me.

I saw all the other girls in my class making out with the popular guys;

Their tongues darting in and out each other’s mouths, like two snakes having a fight

I heard them talking to their friend’s in the cafeteria at lunch time

Bragging about how many times they had had sex that week.

I longed to be a part of that.

I wanted to be one of the girls that lost her virginity in the back seat of her boyfriend’s car.

One of the girls who got called a s**t by other girls

Because isn’t that better than being told that no boy will ever want to kiss you in case your ugliness was infectious?

Isn’t that better than being told that no-one will ever want to have sex with you?

And isn’t sex the definition of love?

 

When I got my first boyfriend at the age of 18;

I was constantly telling him that I was fat

And that it was a wonder he wasn’t as ugly as me from the amount of times we kissed.

I put myself down that many times, I should have changed my name to ‘insecure.’

It took me 5 months before I finally got the confidence to have sex with him

But he had told me that he loved me 5 days after we started dating.

Reviews

[shangala]

wow wat a nice one.....you really know how to express your daily activity

[VALENTINE]

This is just lovely, sad and yet surprisingly relate-able. thanks.

[May Flowers]

i cant stop reading your poems! you are very inspiring and I truly love your unique outlook on things

[Rose of many colours]

Sex Is not the definition of love. This is a truth for a lot of us and a lie to many. This is a culture different to mines.Your write is very exposing. I laugh at the way it is done. Your write Had me seeing exactly what you have me read great piece of work

[Samantha Lynn]

second stanza- gives the impression that the only thing people do in the back of cars is rape people....

but I get the idea of the poem. On the bright side, you have someone now! I am almost 19 and in college and I still haven't had anyone. Not counting my childhood because I don't count that the slightest.

So try focusing on that fact, hun. You have someone. He is your and you can honestly say that! That is awesome!

me? I've never had anyone? If you get back to my side, (which hopefully won't happen because I don't wish this on anyone) then try to know that you don't need other people to be happy. The faster you can accept you can be alone and be fine, the better life will be. Took me so long to figure that out. omg

[Laura Harrison]

you will find someday one day, there's plenty of time for that! :) x

[annabellee]

this actually made me cry, sorry you had to go through this...
but it was a very heartfelt and touching piece.
Wonderful :)

[Diana Lynn]

The fact that you could put all of this into words is remarkable. No matter the trouble that comes our way or the obstacles that we face, there is always someone out there who is willing to stand by you. You are an amazing and beautiful writer, your boyfriend is a sweetheart, and you deserve his love.

[icelandicblue]

Growing up can be so damn hard. I hope that you believe that you deserve love and happiness.

[ron]

NO sex is not the definition of love. I wish more people would see that love comes from the heart and not the back seat of a car. I felt the same way when I was growing up. I didn't have sex until I was 25. You are a beautiful person Laura.

[Alexis]

In many ways, I think that everyone should read this. I may not know now, but this has changed my opinion on many levels I haven't even thought about now. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

One of the best parts about this is: how open you are about yourself. I would never have the amount of courage to write so openly about myself like this. And for that; for many reasons, - as one would say - I envy you, or much so as many say, jealous. Please take this as a compliment, for I would never be able to write as good and powerful as you.

Your writing is delightful to read. And please, don't hesitate to send me reading requests/ (:

[Laura Harrison]

thank you :) when i'm writing, i don't hold back at all. i think that my best poems come from the heart and i always try to be honest in my writing. i'm really happy you enjoy my work :D x