Leaving this abyss

Leaving this abyss

A Poem by LauraRenee

This deep abyss

Is swallowing me whole,

Taking my life,

My soul.

I implore for a way out,

But there is no answer.

My heart is screaming for help.

Can someone save me?

Please take this pain from me

Let it depart,

Flutter,

Fly away,

As if it was never here.

I look for the sunrise,

I look for the light,

The shining stars,

Anything to make my life bright,

Blessed,

Blissful,

Sitting on the edge,

Screaming from the depth of my lungs,

No one hears me.

No one understands me.

I pray and plead for help,

For love.

For life.

And as I get ready to jump,

My heart stops screaming,

I inhale one deep breath,

And I see the hope on the horizon

For my life, love, and happiness.

I stop,

Wait,

And walk away,

Just going to go

Live my life like any other day.

© 2011 LauraRenee


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Reviews

A fabulous passage through the resounding deep! You've captured the palpable horror of the Abyss: It can only be experienced alone; and all that exists within it, we bring. "When you gaze into the Abyss, the Abyss gazes also into you." Don't know why I had to quote old Freddie but yeah... Really great work!

Posted 8 Years Ago


I love the way this poem is set up. It almost looks like a picture of something falling, which mirrors the actual text. And I really like the kind of moments of internal rhyming, which added a rhythm here and there. Interesting that it ended with the speaker deciding not to jump, yet didn't seem happy so much as melancholy. But that reflects the internal struggle of most people living in depression or with a sadness of any kind. You just get through one day at a time and try to see the joys ahead, the things worth living for. I think most people feel this way at one time or another; the desire to not be living, but an emotion not strong enough to cause the actual act of suicide. An emotional write that a lot of people can relate to. Well done.

Posted 9 Years Ago


I feel the unbearable pain. I know how one feels to be in this situation.

Posted 9 Years Ago


"This deep abyss

Is swallowing me whole,

Taking my life,

My soul.

I implore for a way out,

But there is no answer.

My heart is screaming for help.

Can someone save me?"

A beautiful creation...

Thanks for sharing...

Posted 9 Years Ago


Nice imagery!

I liked it very much.

It's powerful.

Beautiful! =]

Posted 9 Years Ago


"Blessed,
Blissful,
Sitting on the edge,
Screaming from the depth of my lungs,"
Each day is a test. We walk on a wire and we hope we can keep our balance. Not fall off. I like the flow of the story and the purpose. All of us are seeking a proper place and something to create hope. I like the ending. Sometime we learn to be stronger."Live my life like any other day." A outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote

Posted 9 Years Ago


Nice one...the flow is fantastic...good one.

Posted 9 Years Ago


makes you want to read on. deep stuff G. I think alot of people feel like this at time. They won't it to all end in a way. They really don't wanna die, but they wanna get away from life for awile. Good stuff G keep writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


I like how you've ended it,
"I stop,

Wait,

And walk away,

Just going to go

Live my life like any other day."

You have a lot of promise. A nice read :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love the flow of the peom. Great job

Posted 9 Years Ago



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Added on April 1, 2011
Last Updated on April 1, 2011

Author

LauraRenee
LauraRenee

TX



About
I'm just living life, hoping each day is better than the last. I'm new to writing and just would like some opinions on the quality. Yes, I know some are personal but I would still like some opinions.. more..

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