I. Sometime Cupid

Love is a religion; you pray and keep hidden.

(5 individual poems)

1. Sometimes Cupid:

Sometimes Cupid
Can’t shoot straight
And the arrow sinks shallow

Just beneath the flesh

So girls and boys

Get flashes of love

Bewildering
But not half so real

A side glance
A betraying blush

All a ticklish wound

From Cupid’s steel

Sweet Cupid
I pray you shoot straight

And deep and through

Let the arrow sink

This I ask
Knowing you couldn’t grant

For heaven’s sake
How come you’re blind!

2. A little love poem:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I should be in bed
But I'm thinking of you

In front of you I’m
Stiff, and shrunken

In my own image

Pretending

As if I am more

Behind you I dream
The slightest shuffle
Of leaves makes me scream

In delight
I see your presence
Like never before

Softly
Your eyes whisper

Gently
You walk thither
I shall love your absence

Forever more

3. Waking up in Class:

Waking up in Class

creepy as a

Voyeur.

He’s not watching her, she Fears so she

studies the Air,
the Glass,

the wetness of

his Hair.

4. Curtain:

Her hair falls like a curtain

Shielding one half
Of her face, and yielding the other

as if half- revealing
a secret recipe.

When a breeze flows upon
Her gentle breathe, the curtain is lifted-

And my heart, parts
From its beats
Like the rustle of leaves.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

"Curtain" -- one of the best poems I've read that places me smack into the mindset & habitat of a "typical teenager" (for lack of a better term). I was sucked in immediately & held there by authentic observations that SHOW instead of tell. "Waking Up" -- a poem that expresses a TON in very few words. The key to doing this is to pick exquisite & present details that convey a ton -- like the wet hair. I'm not wild about the other two becuz "cupid" & "roses are red" are distractingly cliche. There's a bunch of strong original writing in first 2 poems but overshadowed for me by clunky cliches (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[emipoemi]

Sometimes Cupid: The first three stanzas are good. They packed a punch. The last line of the third is arguable, but from there it kind the power kind of dipped. I can see what you're going for, but especially the last stanza, it doesn't work. That last line is brilliant, but while you have the seeds of the set up, you don't have the stem of the lead up, as it's undermined roughly by the plea to "shoot straight". That could work, but not in the way you have it.

A Little Love Poem: I have no words.....my voice is in my awe!! This is wonderful ("furthermore" is most commonly one word, but that's all I need to critique).

Waking up in Class: not the best of the bunch, I have to say. You start off very well - that opening is great - the progression in the second stanza is a bit cryptic, the line breaks are questionable and the unnecessary capitals are jarring (I've tried to look for a message in them and can't really find one). This has potential, not gonna lie, but the current execution is not yet polished.

Curtain: Holy Mole!!!!! Love this!!! This is sensational!! My only critique is the comma in Stanza 2 Line 3. I can tell why you have it there, but, truly, it mars the musicality and it would flow better without. But this is poetic gold!!