God Is a Cat Lady

Something pondered awhile back.

God Is a Cat Lady
Legion
24Sep16


I was thinking today while mowing the yard, which I often do while mowing, and my thoughts turned to God but specifically Its existence in reference to the God of Abraham and his sons. After much debate with myself within my mind, I have come to the conclusion that this particular God in all the pantheons out there is the secluded cat lady of those pantheons. I know your probably thinking I've lost it but you would be wrong. Never really had it to lose but I digress. Anyway, hear me out. God, as we know It, is unique. One of a kind if you like. Stop and imagine the absoluteness of that statement and then think how you might feel if you were all alone. Some might think this is due to vanity since It stated to put no Gods before It (which puts a damper on any friendships with those gods of the other pantheons I mentioned much less being a good neighbor) but, much like the secluded cat lady, God may simply be lonely. In that loneliness, It decided to get some pets to help combat that loneliness. So, at first, It created the Angels and that was alright for a time but Angels tend to be more on the dog side concerning loyalty and obedience. Not saying anything is wrong with dogs. I have one myself. A destructive one but one none the less. After a time, God perhaps thought the Angels were too boring and It needed something a little challenging and, for want of a better term, a little frisky. So, much to the dogs...Angels...dismay, It created Humans which tend to lean toward the feline side in their attitudes as non-conformists and lackadaisical feelings toward omnipotent authority as a whole. Some of the dogs/Angels disagreed with this so much that they tried to bite the hand that fed them and, thus, were kicked out to the yard and could only stare back into the house, or Kingdom if one prefers, through the windows. God created a large ball for the Humans/cats to play on even including litter boxes throughout. We call them deserts but to each their own. It loved them and cared for them somewhat when It wasn't watching Jeopardy or one of Its soaps. It even had Its favorites that God would talk to often with names like Abraham and Moses, etc. Now the cats...er, humans...though the fancy, feast or not, of God's eye...started creating problems for the cat lady and It became angry after some time deciding that It needed to thin out the clowder while glaring at us the whole time. What do you think It took the cats out with? The one thing that most cats hate of course. Water. Specifically a flood. It did save a few of Its favorite cats but the rest were drowned off. Eventually the cats began repopulating the place and God kind of just put up with them and didn't really say much anymore dwelling deeper into Its seclusion while the cats ran amok doing cat things like squabbling over territory or pushing each other down the stairs, etc. I know it's all pretty deep and it might help to roll up some catnip and light it up to understand the depth of all this but just remember that this theory isn't purrfect but like the catalogue of all other theories it is simply that, a theory. Of course, this doesn't explain the real existence of cats but it might explain why so many people like cat memes and videos on the Internet.

Reviews

[Jacob Clifford]

Very creative, and surprisingly plausible, musings here. I would never have likened God to a cat lady, and now I can't help but see all the similar personality quirks the two share. Humans are said to be made in God's image, so who knows, maybe there is a reason we're so enamored with cats! Fun write.