The Moment Altered

True story from many years ago. Wrote this for a contest on Key Publications.

The Moment Altered

 

Legion

29JUN10

 

 

The brevity of that moment has lived its life for over thirty years. Its relics I have loathed during that same span of time. A time of nightmarish reminiscing and ideas given over to death and dying. It was simple. It was straight forward. No reasoning to it. Nothing more than a sudden squeeze of a trigger without comprehension of what was to come.

I saw the target. He appeared suddenly. The gun went up and I sighted quickly. Before I could think more upon the situation, I fired. The projectile found its unintentionally intended target right above the left eye. That moment was not only the beginning of the end of his life, but altered mine forever as well.

I was twelve years old and had in my hands my first BB gun. The murder weapon felt warm in my hands from the summer sun beating down upon it. I was stalking nothing in particular at my grandmother's farm that day. Mostly I was shooting at corn stalks, reeds of grass, and wooden posts just to pass that lazy August day when a small sparrow landed upon the fence of the pen that the pigs were kept in. The two pigs within the enclosure watched me with irrelevant stares, quietly enjoying their mud bath.

I swung the gun around, sighted quickly and fired. As I've stated, the BB entered his head above the left eye. I found, moments later, that it had exited through the other side above the right eye effectively removing most of the creature's brain. In its death rage, for I can imagine no other word for it when something so alive one moment finds itself rapidly dying and fights for every second, it clung to the fence with its talons while beating, furiously, its tiny wings trying to take flight from its unknown attacker or perhaps to fend off said assailant.

For a split second, I felt a rush of excitement with the knowledge that I, the great hunter, had made my first kill. That second quickly passed as the realization of what I had done struck me just as hard as that BB struck that innocent creature. I lowered my weapon and ran over to the stricken sparrow in hopes to help. In hopes to find a way to take back what I had just done. In hopes of anything other than what was now unfolding before me through my own diabolical actions. It thrashed to and fro upon the fence running on pure instinct. My stomach began to churn violently in unison with the guilt that was welling up within me. It took all my young, naive strength and courage not to vomit up the evil that had overcome me that split second when I pulled that trigger.

It clung to that fence like it clung to whatever life it still had within it. Its screeching continued. I couldn't bear it any longer.

I knocked the poor little bird off of the fence onto the ground below with the butt of the gun. It still continued to pipe up its death call while flapping around on the ground trying to gain balance and make sense of what was happening to it so suddenly.

I felt the urge to cry and some tears did well up within both eyes. I couldn't let this small creature of God suffer another moment (for truly what it was going through must have been insufferable). The decision was made to finish out this accursed course of action that I had so carelessly started a few moments before.

I pumped up my BB gun to build up pressure for the task ahead, aimed at the little creature's chest and, once again, squeezed the trigger. The metal sphere entered the sparrow and finished what its companion had started. The little bird now lie silenced at my feet. For eternity.

A new sound replaced that of its last verbal struggle. The sound of my tender sobbing. Tears for something that should not be dead at that moment. And I had killed it. Altered a moment that should have pursued a different course.

The two pigs continued their extraneous vigil.

 

It is that moment that I have yet to and shall never forget. Such a sadness and sorrow I have felt over and over again since that time. A small sparrow's death that day lives on in each of mine.

Reviews

[Imogean Tweetie]

I have chosen you as a finalist in my contest [A non-fictional story about you.] You will either take first second or third. The people of the Cafe will vote on what place you fall into. Congratulations, You have the ability to transmit feeling to the page. The story was engaging, clearly a moment that transformed your youthful notions to the reality of death, a bit of that childlike naïvety evaporated that day. Your compassion and regret honestly moved me.

[Abby C]

Wow.... very touching...

[Barbara Walker]

Reading your imagery was difficult, as the truth often is...my heart hurts for you and the bird. It could have been sappy, but you wrote it beautifully.

[Ladysue]

wow, A very moving story; sad and full of sorrow. Such a heartbreaking story. A very dramatic thing to happen. Written with such heart, tenderness and sorrow. You expressed this excellently and touchingly...

[Kotah]

I can't really remember the last time I was moved so much by a story. This just about brought me to tears. I think what really gets to me is the ambiguity in the first paragraph. It led me on a trail of possibilities and I found myself assuming that the sparrow was a human at first, in either some terrible accident, or possibly even a short war memoir. That brought an even stronger surge of emotion when I realized the story was an immensely sorrowful- yet almost tender moment between a child's innocence and a small dying bird. Thank you for sharing your experience, the way you express that moment is absolutely a beautiful and touching story.

[Water_the_Sun]

Wow...

This is the most touching thing Ive read in ages.

I like the repetition toward the begining, of that couple of sentences. And the way you describe the feelings that you felt, and the way you depict the scene of its death are just... heartbreaking and terribly beautiful. I love this piece.

[Kasey Jones]

This is very descriptive and somewhat haunting. I like the sentence variety. I'm sorry that this is a true story.