Chapter One: Terrors on the Flame River

Chapter One: Terrors on the Flame River

A Chapter by Desirée Tolliver
"

Their island is haunted and their vacation is interrupted, Maqsedeth is kidnapped, The Shadow Oracle pays Samson a visit, and the King sends Samson a summons...

"
In an island on the Flame River Ocean, the young woodcutter, Samson, begins a normal day of chores with his father, Maqsedeth (mak-see-deth). Samson is tall (6ft) with broad shoulders, has curly blonde hair, has blue eyes, has a perfect tan, and is built like a jock. He and his father were just getting a head start for winter by gathering wood (they had plans to return to this cabin during the winter holidays; however, the cabin is later transformed into a five-star luxury hotel) when Samson heard a shriek. He dropped his bundle of logs with a startled gasp and looked around. Oh no! he thought, frightened, It can't be happening now! We just made plans! He was thinking about the prophecy he heard during the previous Thanksgiving about the spirits from The Ghost Town returning from the dead during the darkest days of the year. Unfortunately, they decided to come a little early this year.

"This area would be the perfect place to spend the winter holidays," Maqsedeth said as he carried his bundle of logs to the back of the cabin, "Wouldn't you think so, Samson?"

He kept walking with his logs, and when he didn't hear Samson respond or his footsteps following behind him, he stopped and turned around. "Samson," Maqsedeth called, "is everything alright?" Maqsedeth is taller than Samson by two inches and is broad shouldered, has sleek brown hair, has gray-green eyes, has a perfect tan, and he is very buff.

Samson, still looking around and checking his surroundings, was busy picking up his bundle of logs. Once he had gathered them all, he said to himself, "They must be close."

His father studied him out of concern and then he raised an eyebrow, "Samson, what are you talking about?" he asked. "Who is close?"

Samson looked at Maqsedeth with a startled expression, but when he realized he had spoken aloud, he said, "Oh, it's nothin', Father. It's nothin'." I don't think I should tell him what I heard last Thanksgiving about the spirits from The Ghost Town returning from the dead during the darkest days of the year, he thought, I don't want to worry him, especially after Mom's death. Wait a minute, it's June. The darkest days of the year don't start until December. They've come early!

Maqsedeth knew his son had to be hiding something, but he dared not push him. If Samson wanted him to know what was going on, he would tell him. A moment after that, things seemed to be going smoother, but as soon as Samson thought things couldn't get any worse, he heard that shriek again and then he was pushed forward.
"AHHH!" Samson stumbled, scattering his bundle of logs. A moment later, he heard a laugh. "What the hell was that?" he asked.

Maqsedeth went over to his son to help him up, "Samson, what's wrong?" he asked him, "What is the matter?"

Samson scanned the perimeter of the area, but he didn't see anything or anyone. "Father, we need to get off this island," he said.

Maqsedeth looked Samson over. "Samson, what are you talking about?" he asked, "What do you mean we have to get off this island?"

"We have to leave now!" Samson cried, "They're getting close." He looked around panicking.

Maqsedeth put a hand on Samson's shoulder. "Samson," he demanded, "Who is getting close?"

Samson removed his father's hand from his shoulder. "The spirits, Father," he said, his voice a whisper, "The spirits from The Ghost Town." He placed his fingers on his temples and took a deep breath. He sat down on the grass, "Maybe it's time that I tell you what is going on."

Maqsedeth nodded and sat down, "Yeah, son," he said, "Tell me."

Samson took a deep breath, "Last Thanksgiving, I received a message from an Oracle telling me that during the darkest days of the year, which apparently was supposed to be in December, the spirits from The Ghost Town will come back from the dead and take back this planet. If they come early, something worse than the spirits from The Ghost Town will dominate planet Xerox and plunge this entire dimension into darkness."

Maqsedeth was silent for a long time. He cleared his throat, "So, you're telling me you believe that s**t some random hipster from the streets told you?" he asked.

Samson glanced at Maqsedeth, "He wasn't a hipster, Father," he said, "He was an Oracle and he speaks the truth."

"What's his name?" Maqsedeth asked.

"His name was…something," Samson said, "It doesn't matter. All that matters is that if we don't get off this island soon, something really bad is going to happen to us."

Maqsedeth stared at Samson blankly for a while before speaking, "Samson, we came here for a summer vacation," he said. "We can't just leave!"

"We have to, Father!" Samson cried, "It won't be long before""
He never finished his sentence. Before long, a loud noise resonated throughout the entire island and the ground began to quake. Dust rose from the ground like fists, knocking Samson and Maqsedeth around.

"D****t, Samson!" Maqsedeth cried out, "Why do you hit your father?"

"I'm not even over there"Ow!" Samson cried.

Maqsedeth was shocked, "Well, if it wasn't you," he said, "then, who was it?"

Samson reached out to hit whoever was attacking him, but he was only hitting air and since it was still daylight, he wasn't able to identify who or what it was.

"I don't know," he cried out, still swinging. He stopped to catch his breath, "It's no use," he said, "They're everywhere!"

It was beginning to become dark when Maqsedeth made it over to where Samson was, "Allow me to try, son," he said, "You see, you can't just flap your wings like a drunken pelican. You have to be keen-eyed and clever. Outsmart them. Watch me."

He turned around to show Samson how to handle the adversary and Samson folded his arms over his chest and watched, Okay, he thought, let's see how to 'outsmart' them, Father.

Maqsedeth turned around and was surprised to find that their enemy was a ghost, "AHH!" he cried, "I mean, oh, you're a ghost." He turned to face Samson, "Weird," he whispered.

Samson chuckled and uncrossed his arms, "So, what's your plan, now, Father?" he asked, "He's a ghost. We can't really outsmart him without him first outsmarting us. Wait a minute, that's stupid. It's a ghost. Of course, it can outsmart us first."

Maqsedeth turned around, while Samson spoke, to find that the ghost was gone, "It…disappeared," he said.

Samson looked around and let out a sigh of relief, "Well, I guess that means we can get back to enjoying our vacation, then."

He bent down and gathered the rest of his logs and he set them down behind the cabin. They went back into the cabin and Samson cooked dinner for them while Maqsedeth watched sports on the TV. For dinner, they had fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and corn and for desert, brownies. The lights blinked on and off while Samson was bringing the plates into the Living Room area and then they stopped.

Samson sat down, "How is the game going, Father?" he said as he set the plates on the table.

Maqsedeth shook his head, "Not good, son," he said, "The Warm Welcome Jets are losing to the South Empire State Bulldogs 15-0." (The two teams are from states similar to the Mississippi and Georgia states in the U.S on Earth; Warm Welcome as Mississippi and South Empire State (to distinguish it from the North Empire State, which is New York) as Georgia; the names are because they’re Basketball Teams).

The doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Samson said. He went to the door and opened it to find the man he saw last Thanksgiving. His father called him a random hipster, but Samson called him a friend and Oracle. He didn't know why but the things the guy said, Samson took them to heart. He looked at Samson intently and said the following rhyme:
“The moment has come
The time is right
The terrors of the Flame River will soon be in sight
And the couple that had once been divided will now merge as one”

Samson had no idea of what that meant. He and the man just stood staring at each other for a while until Maqsedeth called to Samson.
"Samson," he said, "Who's that at the door?"

The man turned around and departed and Samson wondered how the man found where he and his father were staying for the summer. For a moment, Samson thought that maybe that guy was a ghost, but then he dismissed the idea.

"No one, Father," he called back as he closed the door, "No one at all."

The lights blinked on and off again during the game and just when the Warm Welcome Jets scored a point on the South Empire State Bulldogs, the lights went out.

"Aww!" Samson and Maqsedeth both cried.

Maqsedeth looked at Samson in the dark, "Well, I guess it's time for us to get our asses to bed," he said as he stood up.

He went out into the bedroom, "AHH!" he cried.

Samson rushed into the room, "FATHER!" he called.

No answer.

He began searching frantically for him, but to no avail. The doorbell rang again. Samson went to open the door and the same man stood in the doorway. He wore an abundant of glow in the dark colors: purple glow in the dark pants, blue glow in the dark socks, red glow in the dark shoes, and an orange glow in the dark T-shirt and goofy yellow glasses. His red hair was a rat's nest, but it has always been like that since he lives on the streets. He gave Samson the same intent look he gave him before and said the same rhyme:

“The moment has come
The time is right
The terrors of the Flame River will soon be in sight
And the couple that had once been divided will now merge as one”

Samson stood frozen in shock for a while before getting up the courage to ask the question that had formed on his tongue just then, "What does that even mean?" he asked.

The man took off his glasses and smiled, "You'll know when the time is right," he said.

Samson looked into his eyes, and noticed they were glowing green with no pupils. He caught a glimpse of the future in his eyes: he saw a growing darkness eating at everything and both planets Xerox and Earth falling apart and The Living Circle transforming into a growing void sucking up everything and he freaked out, "NO!" he cried. He looked away.

The man put his hand on his shoulder, "I know what you saw," he said, "That is only one of two futures The Living Circle has. Today will determine if there will be a tomorrow." He put his glasses back on and turned to leave.

Samson called to him, "Wait," he said, "What does that even mean?"

The man turned back and smiled then he walked on until he disappeared. Samson stood on the doorstep for a while before realizing that the man had used magic to get there and out. He turned to go back into the cabin when he noticed someone else approaching him in the darkness. He took out his flashlight and spotted someone dressed in a red tunic, black trousers, and dark brown boots with a sword strapped to one side approaching him. He had long black hair tied in a ponytail and a Vandyke beard. In his hand, he held a scroll. He bowed to Samson, opened the scroll and began to read:

"'Dear chosen warrior of Manorá, an amazing discovery has now been made within the sewers of the newly built City of Aristotle: An ancient power of old has been reported resting in the terrible Ghost Town. The king and queen of the kingdom Summer Breeze in the country of Manorá have appointed you, Samson Cleopatra, for the duty of releasing this vast power stolen from the vault of the Sunflower Palace from The Ghost Town and returning it to the kingdom of Summer Breeze. Thus being appointed for this duty, the king and queen wish to speak to you at once concerning the way in which you are to travel to get to the sewers of the newly built City of Aristotle. 
-signed by Highnesses Silus and Martha, king and queen of Manorá.'"

With the last word, the servant closed the scroll and put it back in its leather sheath.

Samson just stood looking at him for a while. He folded his arms over his chest, "So let me get this straight, here," he said, "After my father mysteriously disappears and some weird guy comes knocking at my door, I am appointed to go on some sort of 'quest' to find some ancient power of old that I hear was locked away into the sewers of The Ghost Town with Devious the Deceitful Dragon to keep him sealed away so that he wouldn't be able to cause anymore mischief and you want me to find this power and run the risk of releasing the most dangerous monster and sworn enemy of the City of Aristotle and bring it back to the kingdom of Summer Breeze? Did I get that correct?"

The messenger nodded, "Yes, sir," he said, "That is correct."

Samson stared at him blankly, "Have you lost your f*****g mind?" he asked.

The servant was shocked, "My goodness, sir," he said, "The language."

Samson looked at the messenger intently, ignoring his comment on the language he used, "Have you?" he asked.

The messenger shook his head, "No, sir," he said, "Listen, I'm only just a messenger for the king. My name is Sheldon Hindridge. It's the king who wants you to find the ancient power and return it to the kingdom of Summer Breeze. He and the queen would like to speak with you at once."

Samson shifted his weight between feet and cleared his throat, "Well, has he lost his f*****g mind?" he asked, "He's not setting me up for something is he? My Erosian senses are tingling all over."

"Please, sir, just calm down," Sheldon said, "I think maybe you should ask the king yourself. He and the queen do desire an audience with you at once."

He departed from Samson's presence while Samson made a face behind his back. He went back inside to clean up and find some oars and a life-jacket to take the canoe.


© 2018 Desirée Tolliver


Author's Note

Desirée Tolliver
This chapter may contain offensive language...please take care while reading
The Ghost Town is also available on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, and Lulu.com

My Review

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Reviews

Hi Desiree! so far i've only read the prologue and the first chapter and you have a solid storyline building here. i look forward to reading the next chapters. it seems right now to be a story of "the path of the hero," with how you describe Samson. (if you haven't already, i'd highly suggest you read A Hero With a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell, it details almost every story about "the hero" throughout human history, and George Lucas literally used it as a guide to write star wars).

so... really, i have only one suggestion and i'll show a few example of it in the story so far. basically, i feel like there is an inconsistency in the world you're building in this story because you use descriptors that's are iconically from "our world" haha.
that being said, i feel like you're creating a somewhat-futuristic but also medieval/fantasy world. if i'm wrong, then dismiss the rest of this!! i'll gladly admit that maybe i just didnt get what you were making here yet because i've only read - maybe - 1200 words.
that being said, you describe Samson as a Jock, and a jock is a male archetypal figure that has pretty much only existed for 100 years and mostly only in the US. however! it has roots in the medieval world, and it may sound better if you used a word like "olympic" or even just "soldier" because those are the roots of the term "jock." jocks are the pre-military class of people in society today, if that makes sense, and every society has words for their "military class."
next, "five star luxury hotel" can probably just be called "luxury hotel" because "five-star" is a category made by modern capitalist societies; is that the world you're creating? it just doesn't seem consistent with the story to me.
when you mentioned "oracle" and "hipster" close together i literally laughed. that's not bad criticism, i truly enjoyed that because i never in my life expected a world with both oracles AND hipsters. but again, "hipsters" have only existed for about 100 years (no earlier than Industrialization). and for that matter, comparing the sports in Samson's world to our sports seems odd too. I suppose all of this could be remedied if they lived on Mars or somewhere close, but i never got that feeling from the story. i felt this world was far away, which is essentially why i see these as a problem. is this world close to Earth 2016?

so, overall - and this is just my opinion - to me it seems like making modern references in the world you are making makes it seem unbelievable. and i think to make a world believable you have to have this consistency in how you describe things. the world you've created with these descriptors might reduce your story to the genre of "camp" and i don't think you intended that. i think you have a great start and i hope you keep writing, and i'll keep reading :) I like the suspense you create by not knowing what's going to happen next, i like the relationship dynamics between samson and his dad, and i like the "world" you create when it's not being interrupted by modern terminology, haha. i hope you keep creating new worlds!!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Desirée Tolliver

8 Years Ago

To clarify, I would like to begin with acknowledging that you are correct: the planet I am describin.. read more
I really enjoyed the world building in the prologue, and the story quickly picks up the pace so it remains dynamic. The characters introduced are also colorful and interesting in their own ways.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Desirée Tolliver

8 Years Ago

Thank you for your kind words. I'm very glad you enjoyed the story :)
Nailah Baniti

8 Years Ago

Peace Desiree, the prologue also drew me to your story. You have a powerful IMAGINATION, what a wond.. read more
Desirée Tolliver

8 Years Ago

Thank you for your kind words and I'll be sure to forward you a signed copy when my book is publishe.. read more

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Added on June 23, 2016
Last Updated on October 3, 2018


Author

Desirée Tolliver
Desirée Tolliver

Port Gibson, MS



About
I'm just an aspiring writer looking to meet other aspiring writers. Writing is what I do. I live, love, and breathe writing. I live off this quote by Rainer Maria Rilke: "If, when you wake up in the m.. more..

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