Almost Forever

Almost Forever

A Poem by Mariwel Lao

I didn’t bother talking

You shifted your gaze

I lost my voice

You didn’t even care

 

You showered me with sweet words

Til my heart was tamed

You vanished with your words

My tongue tasted bitterness

 

Tiredness of my sentiments

Thought that’s the reason why you left

Or maybe you’ve finished

Playing with my feelings

 

Do I need to sing a goodbye song?

Do I need to laugh to prove I’m strong?

Or do I need to let go..

Let go our love that felt so wrong.

 

If we only knew how to keep each other

Standing with the burdens

Then we are still together

And not almost forever..

© 2017 Mariwel Lao


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Reviews

It really isn't that WE want soooo much... , too much silence...sharing...a hand-in-hand...someone to turn to...eyes to look into...just to be held.

We have a lot of hope... sometimes it is given back.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Beautiful words couldn't have been spoken yet so true when writing a poem there's nothing better than to be blue!

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Mariwel Lao

4 Years Ago

Thank you so much for the words.. :)
Goodbye are never sweet. You wrote a story of happiness and sadness. Almost never leave us sad and alone. Thank you Mariwel for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Mariwel Lao

4 Years Ago

Thanks Cayote.. :) so much appreciated. :)
Coyote Poetry

4 Years Ago

You are welcome my friend.
First: if you're going to rhyme then rhyme, and do it consistently. If not, avoid rhyming because it gives the reader the idea that you're establishing a pattern, and it's jarring when it's expected and doesn't happen.

With structured poetry comes a lot, and it would pay to look into it because it can establish a rhythm and a steady beat to the word flow that's complemented by the rhyming line ends. Fir a veery good primer on structured poetry, check the excerpt for Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled on Amazon.

Next, the picture only gets in the way, like gluing in glitter. If the words, alone can't do the job...

And finally: Were I the one you're talking to, and were I to know the events I might feel properly chastised. But I'm not. So telling me that I'm a miserable b*****d fr treating you poorly is not the best way to get me on your side.

Part of the problem is that well over half the poems presented here are identical, a lament that someone who was thought to be the perfect lover turned out to be not so. It's a format that's gained the name "dismal damsel poem," and high school and college yearbooks abound with them.

The world is filled with poems celebrating something other then lost or unrequited love. Look around. Read the fun of Ogden Nash, the biting wit of Dorothy Parker, or the work of Billy Collins.

And to see the power of rhyming, well applied try The Cremation of Sam McGee, by Robert Service. That's has been making Boy Scouts cheer for at campfires for 110 years.

Posted 4 Years Ago


losing that love is devastating

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Mariwel Lao

4 Years Ago

yep, thank for the comment. :)

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179 Views
6 Reviews
Rating
Added on May 11, 2017
Last Updated on May 11, 2017
Tags: love, melancholy, pain

Author

Mariwel Lao
Mariwel Lao

Tarlac, 3, Philippines



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I'm complicated more..

Writing
My Love My Love

A Poem by Mariwel Lao



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