Part one: Junia

This is the prologue, so read this first!!!

Junia

   You did end up picking this off the shelf? Good.

   But I'm guessing you looked at the back and thought, "Aw, angels, how cute." and maybe even smiled sweetly. Well then I've got some news to tell you, my friends and I aren't going to be playing harps or lounging on clouds.

   We're warriors.

   Do you know what that means? It means we eradicate the evil in this world so it doesn't hurt, possess, or do any variety of nasty things to all of you. We're protectors, and we're your protectors. And we're the best chance you have.

   Gabriel, one of the supreme angels of Heaven, made up of a group of four of his best warriors. There is Kalilee, who you could call group leader. Rycel, Harler, and, of course Junia (me). We may look like ordinary girls in our late teens, but I'm sorry to say, we're anything but ordinary. Because if you see us on Earth, it means that something is hunting all of you and we can't allow that.  

   We are not gentle, we are not forgiving, and we do not come in peace.

   We are Gabriel's warriors.   

Author's Note

please review this and tell me what you thought of this. Any comments, questions, concerns? tell me.

Reviews

[MissEpic2902]

Holy crud!! this gave me chills it was so cool lol!!

[RachelReaper]

the next chapter is up, too

[Taylor H.]

Rycel, Harler, and, of course Junia (me). -----Rycel, Harler, and myself. My name is Junia.

This sounds like it could be an amazing book. :) Keep it up.

[Vincent]

just a bit of info...some authors write it the way they do, not because they don't see the grammatical errors, but because it gives hints on their character's personality...

[Taylor H.]

I know. But sometimes its not and I point it out in case it isn't

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

I not only love the unique names you chose for the angels but also the twist you put on it. Sounds like it could be a very interesting read. Good job!

[Anonymous Girl]

Ooooh!! Angels!! I love it.. Keep writing! I want to keep reading! :)
Keep writing!
100/100

[Pax]

Sounds really interesting... comment...i may say keep it up... questions...none so far... concerns... none so far...

[Caradoc]

It does sound interesting, though I admit, I'm only here because of the name Gabriel. A very cool archangel in my opinion, there are more than a few intriguing things that have been attributed to him over the years. So now you wish to add a cadre of warrior angels to his list of accomplishments? Not a bad idea.

Junia certainly has some snark to her. She seems tough and no nonsense, like a warrior opposing evil should be.

As for concerns, well, as with the good there is the bad.

First paragraph, second sentence. "Then I've got some news to tell you," sounds awkward. Replacing "then" with "well" would sound better.

Second paragraph, third sentence. "We're protectors, and we're you're protectors." The "you're" that you used is the contraction of "you" and "are". You're looking for "your", which is the possessive version of the word. In that same sentence, the words "and we're" are not necessary, as the sentence loses none of its meaning with their absence, instead looking and sounding cleaner. The sentence that comes after that, which another reviewer commented on, you can keep the "and" at the beginning, if you separate that sentence from the paragraph. It's best if this is done for emphasis, which it already seems as if it is.

Third paragraph, first sentence. At this point, your sentences need variation in how they begin. You've used the word "we're" three times in a row now. The repetition does your writing a disservice. This sentence, and the prologue itself, makes the assumption that the reader knows who Gabriel is. If it is indeed the Archangel, it should be made apparent, as it also establishes why this "Gabriel" has enough clout to assemble his own group of warrior angels. In the second sentence the parenthesis aren't really needed. You can accomplish the same with the use of commas. Also, when mentioning Kalilee being the leader of the group, this seemingly tough as nails warrior angel is very indecisive. Not a good quality in a soldier.

I recommend going through this prologue and reading it aloud to yourself in the tone of voice you imagine your character using.

Aside from that, everything else is good. I like it and I think it's interesting enough that I would probably return to read more chapters should you post them.

One question though. Why did you pick Gabriel over Michael? Gabriel is often considered "The" messenger of God and Michael the General of Heaven.

Either way though, nice idea.

-Caradoc

[RachelReaper]

jeez... thank you so much for taking the time to review this for that long, that means a lot to me and makes me grow as a writer. Also, it doesn't really matter, but its going to bug me if i don't say it. Gabriel wasn't an archangel, the only archangel mentioned in the bible (if you are going by that) was Michael.

[RachelReaper]

oh, and one last thing... all of my warriors are not like Junia, in fact, they are very different from eachother personality-wise... I never said they were perfect, i just said that they were the best.

[Caradoc]

In the Bible yes, Gabriel is not titled as an Archangel, but he is in the Qur'an, the holy book of Islam, one of the three Abrahamic faiths which includes Christianity and Judaism. There are also a few passages within the Bible that suggest that Gabriel might actually be one of the Seraphim or Cherubim, the two highest orders of angels in the Christian Celestial Hierarchy.

And you're welcome for the review. You have the beginnings of something very interesting here.

[RachelReaper]

thank you. hey, if I'm not asking too much, I just posted chapter 2 and I need help... but bear in mind, my other angels, but especially two of them, are not like Junia...

[Caradoc]

I'll take a look later today. And that isn't a problem. Character diversity is good.

[RachelReaper]

:)

[Caradoc]

Oh, I forgot to mention something. In the first sentence of your first paragraph, the word "though" should probably be "thought" based on the rest of the context. Sorry about that.

[RachelReaper]

thank you for that, again. Oh, I have a question, is your profile pic from the lord of the Rings? sorry if I'm mistaken, I'm just curious because he seems familiar.

[Caradoc]

No. Not from the Lord of the Rings, though now that you mention it, it does kind of look like Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn.

[RachelReaper]

that's who i thought he was! I always forget Aragorn's name... no clue why.

[Castonovia]

Avenging angels, I like the sound to that... so far very intrigueing especially saying they're not the fuzzy variety with harps and stuff, but warriors who protect and eradicate evil entities :)

[deepblue04]

wow, this is such a cool twist to angels, me gusta

[AleyshaRosa]

Love the way you introduced the piece, and honestly, I think it's cool when the writer assumes what the reader is thinking, because even if the reader WASN'T thinking that, they suddenly are.

I also like the way you put simple phrases into their own paragraph like

"we're warriors."

I love the idea of the story
However, here's my bit of critique:
It feels a bit... well it sounds a little bit like a lot of the books currently in the teen section of the library if you know what I mean... Not exactly cliche though.

I'll read on to chapters 2 and 3 if not 4 nonetheless =]

Awesome piece though, my friend
Koodoos

[Jack Reaper]

intrigued... "we are not gentle.." setting up for something brutally violent but unexpecting. interested to read more.