The Soilder

Uh crap... forget which number... but hey, just read and you'll see what it is about.

I have seen things that no other human could possibly imagine, unless of course, that other person happens to be either a murderer, or another Marine. I can hardly close my eyes at night, without jolting awake to even the slightest of noises. I have been away from the war for years now, and yet I still feel as though the desert sand is still whipping at my skin. It haunts me every day.

 

I don't have my left leg now, but even so, I still feel that never-ending pain. The "ghost limb". Damn my idiotic friend for stepping too close to that claymore... blew himself and my leg up. At least he's better now.

 

I toss and turn at night, waking up my wife every now and then. I feel so guilty, putting myself on her in such a burdenous way. She's so strong... stronger than I feel sometimes, though with my training I will NEVER show it.

 

A Marine. That is what I'll be until the end of my tortureous days... The good soilder, always doing what I'm told. The human side of me has been locked away, and is now slowly starting to creep back out. The war days will always be with me, and is something I can never get rid of, no matter how much I want it to leave my mind. Tossing and turning I can deal with... being a burden I cannot.

 

You know, I think I have a problem. Sometimes, it gets so bad, I just want to end it all, but I can't... I can't do that to my wife. I am on anti-depression meds, and they sometimes do the trick... but it is at night I have the most trouble. I WILL FIGHT THIS FEELING... I have to. I am a Marine. I am meant to be stronger than all of this. I am meant to keep fighting, when everything is calm. I am meant to do this alone. I am meant to keep going, even when everything is overwhelming.

 

I just pray this war is over soon... so others do not have to go through what I have been. Please, end this soon...

 

I remember a little line from french class in high school... and I use it in my prayers to a God that doesn't exist. I pray only to hope that someday someone will listen. Whether He hears me, I do not know.. and I guess I never will... but here is that line: Plus Jamais Ceci... Never This Again.

 

I hold it close... and have it tattoo'ed on my arm, next to my platoon number and everything.

 

I am the soilder... and I am still holding on.

Author's Note

:3 Note: I am not suicidal with any of this... and I just decided to write this... Remember: most of my stories just come from the top of my head...

Reviews

[Jooolie]

Wow...this one's really good!

This topic is an especially emotional one, and not all of us can understand what veterans go through after the war. But you showed what he was feeling and it's written beautifully :) Kudos!