Ambitious Destruction

Literally wrote this in ten minutes, didn't look it over or anything, grammar is probably horrible. Just needed to release some mental sewage, and figured I'd share.

Many thought her an average girl. Her appearance was certainly average; she was thin, with dark hair and green eyes. She had her share of flaws, but she was pretty. Her smile illuminated an area, ferociously contagious. She was a girl who strived to make everyone feel loved, and was successful in every aspect. She was radiant, but nothing extraordinary.

                She was a girl who strived to be incredible, and would settle for nothing less. She was intelligent, and certainly dedicated. She was aware of the intense labor required to fulfill her dreams. She was willing, determined even, to exceed her boundaries and achieve to the highest degree. She would settle for absolutely nothing less than her best.

                Many people envied her ambition. Understandably so; she was a true inspiration. What all failed to realize was that her ambition was her ultimate downfall.

                Her life had never been horrible, but it had certainly never been easy. Since childhood she yearned for something better; it was all she’d ever known, this longing for the unreachable. She’d never been able to accept average; average was an insult to the highest degree in her mind.

                She’d finally reached her breaking point, though. She’d worked endlessly for months, pushing herself to her absolute limits, and the standards she had set for herself were crushing her. In desperate a attempt to out shine herself, go the next level, she’d signed up for more than she could handle.

She began to slip.

It was her own ambitions that were crushing her; the fact that she wasn’t everything she could be literally tore her to pieces.

How could she be accepted to an Ivy League College with a GPA as low as a 4.0?
That’s just it, she couldn’t.

And if she couldn’t achieve, she had no reason for living anymore.

She was crumbling, and all she wanted was an escape.

She was ambitious to the point of destruction; she had set herself up for failure, and couldn’t accept the consequences.

Her mind was enveloped in a war of panic, stress, depression.

What if she couldn’t achieve her goals?

What if she was left to be the very thing she feared most: average?

She wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt of knowing she could have been better.

She was being torn apart at the seams.

She couldn’t cry, because crying was weak, champions never cry.

She couldn’t talk about it; nobody would understand. They were all so accepting of a mundane, monotonous future of routine daily tasks at a desk. They didn’t strive for something better, they dwelled in their complacency as if it were a shell.

They failed to recognize her depression. She battled with herself every night, but nobody was aware that she was fighting mental war.

Sometimes she even questioned her sanity- why couldn’t she accept a B+ in a class? Why couldn’t she accept an in-state college? Everyone else was content with the community college option. Why couldn’t she? She asked herself this question every night without enlightenment. She’d never known what it feels like to be average, and she never would.

 

She had reached her breaking point. Her ambition was crushing her, driving her to insanity, and society was oblivious to the tears she fought back every moment of her life.

 

She was ambitious to the point of destruction.

                

Author's Note

Grammar is probably horrible. Just needed to release some mental sewage, and figured I'd share.