Back When I Felt

A long time of pain let out..

What am I listening to?

I hear my own heart

beat

for you, my dearest

lover

I think I need you

I think you’re not

real

You are

everything

You mean

everything

Your eyes stare at me

from your picture

they scare me into

submission

I feel what I should not

feel

and am frightened by it

I take a knife to my

wrist

even that will not terminate this

pain

What do I believe?

I believe you do not know

me

I believe you do not love

me

like I loved you

once

It only takes one

to love

yet, it takes another

to break a heart

and that’s what you did to me, dearest

lover

You broke my soul

and walked away

when you could not fix it

You did not even try

coward                                  

You were

scared

as was I

Why was I so stupid?

I thought love was all we

needed

I did not

understand

but now I

understand

that love was not all we

needed

Lies

you promised me

lies

You killed me

in my sleep

You were there

in all my dreams

for as long as I could

remember

I cannot live this

down

I cannot outrun you

this time

not this time

We hold

something

that doesn’t mean

anything

to me anymore

It doesn’t mean anything

but it will always be

there

I hear my own heart

beat

for you, my dearest

lover

I turn my eyes away

in shame

for myself

With these scars on my

wrist

and these tears in my eyes

I laugh

for you, dearest

lover

You never did value

me

but your eyes knew

too much

and your voice

my favorite

sound

on the phone

late at night

when my mom didn’t

know

She never did like you

that much

too much

You left me scarred

and broken, dearest

lover

You talked so sweet to me

you made me love

you

You made me

cry

I cried for so long

as I remembered your

face

Valentine’s Day

may be the worst

holiday

but the day before

holds many

regrets

Regrets that should never have been

started

or brought to mind

We talked about it on the phone

in the dark

we kissed in your car

for the first time

you and I

and you’re not that great, dearest

lover

sorry

I believe you do not know

me

I believe you do not love

me

Do I believe you were meant for me?

No

Did I believe that once?

Yes

regrettably

in another lifetime, it seems

another world

I used to think about you

but now I try not to

I’m getting pretty good at it, dearest

lover

I threw away your picture

tore it up into many little

pieces

like you did my

heart

What am I listening to?

Alicia Keys: As I Am

and not thinking of you

or our time together

though brief

I’m actually glad of it

though it hurt me in my

heart

It was a lesson I needed

to take

to see you for what you really are

not

what I thought you were

I thought you were a person I could

trust

You thought I was a person you could

trust

and than I told

something

Something you kept very dear to your

cold heart

I told

her

and you never forgave

me

save for that ominous day before

Valentine’s Day

but that doesn’t matter

now

I have moved on

I just wrote this

because I wanted you

to know

Author's Note

All of my poetry comes from the heart.

Reviews

[eglantine]

Great slow transformation of emotion from broken and weak to femme fatalesque. I loved the killing in the sleep part. The short lines and line breaks also work very well--continueous stream of consciesness.