Inner Peace

This is my entry using Urenga Parameters in Japanese Style for Poeticpiers challenge/contest.

 

 

Relentless - My past

I seem forever chained to my ways

You ravage me whole

Though I can not quite seem to breakaway

You are here but today

 

You ravage me whole

Though I can not quite seem to breakaway

You are here but today

Hope found yesterday

With an open heart I do pray

 

Hope found yesterday

With an open heart I do pray

Inner peace I find

It's in the back of my own mind

What a dream so truly divine

Author's Note

This is my first time writing in this style.. it certainly is interesting to put together!

Reviews

[Alice Oiseau]

Interesting.
I read it as a wanting change, though there's an inability to change due to being 'chained', ergo you are left with merely a divine dream and nothing more. That's how I saw it generally. More specifically, for some reason, I saw it more as a plead to God and from a spiritual perspective. 'You ravage me whole', I saw as sin, temptation, the devil, etc. This leads to chaos, but enough! You can only carry so much. So you turn to prayer and ask for peace, and perhaps a change in pace of things, lifestyle, etc.
You probably didn't intend the poem to come off as that.
It was just one of the many ways looking at it.
Either way, you still have a great write.
Cheers.

[Flow~]

I like how it repeats and builds on itself slowly revieling more. Sometimes we get stuck in our lives like mice on a round wheel repeating the same things year in and year out. It is hard to break that past and start anew today. Wonderful write.

[angelina neves]

lovely!

[Poeticpiers]

A brilliant first attempt at a new sryle

[anonymous]

As interesting it was for you to put together, it was interesting for me to read. Thanks for the review by the ways!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I have no idea why poets wish to handcuff themselves to any parameter other than truth of expression but this is an interesting form. I'm more to Twain's advice of "Write what you know." I have my own voice and don't experiment much outside of what works for me. I despise counting syllables and repetition (unless it's a hook in a song) but those parameters are usually set to the music in the chorus. I am not familiar with this style but I can tell a great deal from the way it reads. It has the eastern thought of repetition as an art form. Even the proverbs of The Bible use this but instead of repetitive lines, they use repetitive thoughts; two lines which say the same thought such as... The Lord is a mighty man of war...The Lord is fierce in battle...something like that. This is like coloring inside the lines to me, I always preferred a blank piece of paper to a coloring book and I still do.

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

This is very good. You have done the Urenga Parameters in Japanese Style beautifully.

[larryb]

Is a good write :)

[Tiana]

Good luck with the challenge. I never heard of this particular style but enjoyed it thoroughly ... Thanks for reviewing my poem ... take care ...

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Don't know much bout the style but love the poem... digging deep with in the heart to release the inner demons and find peace on the horizon, fantastic work.