What You've Done for Me

“Oh what the hell she said

I just can’t win for losing

And she lays back down

Man there’s so many times

I don’t know what I’m doin’

Like I don’t know now”

-Rob Thomas “Her Diamonds”

Time and time again I’ve felt this way, wondering if it’s only me-

If I’m the only one who knows of pain, sadness, despair.

Why has fate been so cruel to me,

Giving me blessings then snatching them away?

There’s one source of light in my world now:

Him.

In my world of dark clouded skies, he helps me remember the warmth of the sun.

Laughter, true companionship-

I had forgotten them, how they felt, for so long.

I remember now why I need them.

He taught me to love,

To love with all my heart,

My soul in its entirety.

Love is bright,

Warm,

Life in its definition.

The polar opposite of the

Dark, lonely, and cold,

Place that held me captive for much too long.

I could be stripped of all possessions,

But the one thing I’d die without is a living, breathing body

To be without him,

To fall into that deep chasm again.

To return to the place that nearly killed me,

I would slowly perish.

First my heart,

All of the painstakingly mended pieces-

Torn apart at the seams.

My soundness,

The memories of laughter,

Of warmth,

All gone.

The spirit,

My last hope

Broken and ever-bruised without the gentle healing it received.

I need him like plants need water, sunlight.

To grow,

To blossom,

To love with everything I possess,

I know that he has made me capable of loving.

I can feel again

 

“She shuts out the night

And tries to close her eyes

If she can find daylight

She’ll be alright

She’ll be alright

Just not tonight.”

-Rob Thomas “Her Diamonds”