Demons

2014

I can't explain just how this feels.

   It's like fever pain without the chills,

When these demons line up like this,

   Along the edge of my bed, just to get a whiff

Of the one they cannot control,

   The one they can't even guide,

The one they tried to run off the road,

   And the one and only that has survived,

   (and maybe the only one

     they haven't tried twice).

And while this isn't a holy chorus, no,

   I'll still abide there's more for us, though

Than these demons would ever let show,

   More than they themselves would ever know.

Reviews

[Ted Kniffen]

I like the thought here Louis. I quite like the rhyme and slant rhyme that you've used and the premise of the poem shines. Not all demons are from that other realm, most of them dwell in that space between our ears.
That third couplet...although you would think it off-putting...actually jumps out, turns the narrative a bit but comes back to the idea with your closing verse.

Well done.

[Laura Kate]

The title caught my eye, I had an eerie dream last night, the demons weren't at my bed but outside of my bedroom window and then the door. I can relate to the feeling that you convey through imagery, and I love the positive and hopeful ending of the final verse.

[7's]

everything's great and simply written being true again.. but that fourth line..
during changing the verses in continuity, it loses its perfect rhythm..
i like your works more with your effective use of even syllables...

[Louis McKraker]

I think I'm with you on this, Praveen. I does tend to throw the rhyme off a little. That some times happens when I throw an off-beat curve ball.