The powerful drug

The powerful drug

A Poem by Michelle Louviere

Her pulse is slowly coming to a stop, her heart loosing blood by the second. She just wants everyone to know she tried, but the words won't come out. Her voice is down to a soft whisper, no one can hear her screams. She just wants to be okay again, but it's too late. Everything is slowly shutting down. She was once happy, now she lays here, in a pit of despair, wishing things could have been different.

© 2013 Michelle Louviere


Author's Note

Michelle Louviere
Please give me opinions on if it could have been better, what I should have added. I've always been into writing. But this is the first time I publish something I write.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

Her pulse is slowly coming to a stop, her heart loosing blood by the second. She just wants everyone to know she tried, but the words won't come out. Her voice is down to a soft whisper, no one can hear her screams. She just wants to be okay again, but it's too late. Everything is slowly shutting down. She was once happy, now she lays here, in a pit of despair, wishing things could have been different.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Her pulse is slowly coming to a stop,
her heart losing blood by the second.
She just wants everyone to know she tried,
but the words won't come out.
Her voice is down to a soft whisper,
no one can hear her screams.
She just wants to be okay again, but it's too late.
Everything is slowly shutting down.
She was once happy,
now she lies here in a pit of despair;
wishing things could have been different.

I wanted to post the two differences with editing/grammar/misspelling...the fun stuff we all love to do...get it out of the way and of course a bit of a polish job on your verse...so I can show you a way to convey to the reader...there is nothing wrong with your one big paragraph...but if you're the reader...the defining moments are not laid out...to give the read a better understanding...the full story of the read...

...and now the lines deal with a longing...the person is on their way to death...seems evident she is committing suicide...and the last lines give the ending moments of here life...and how a decision like she chose could have been prevented....

Posted 6 Years Ago



Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

125 Views
1 Review
Added on September 3, 2013
Last Updated on September 3, 2013
Tags: Pain, heart, failing, broken, death, drugs