Rant.

Just a rant.

*Before you read, I'm not seeking any attention, or your pitty. I'm just pissed.*

After looking through pictures on myspace, I have come to realize I am definitely not the person I was back then. That girl is a stranger. Or maybe, just maybe, the Kaitlyn I am today is the stranger...I don't know who I am anymore. All I know is I'm a monster. There's so many things wrong with me that I wish I could fix, but I can not. The thing is though, you all think I'm going to fail, and I'm not. I'm going to prove to you all that I can do this. Sure I didn't finish my last semester of high school, but it wasn't because I was lazy. It also has NOTHING to do with Dakota like 99.9 percent of you believe. If anything, he's the reason I made it even through first semester. The reason I didn't finish high school is because I have depression, and stomach issues. Getting out of bed each morning was nearly impossible. My stomach has gotten a little better since, but my depression has not. I want to kill myself every day. Why? Don't worry why. You wouldn't understand why. No one understands. No one understands unless you have personally been through it. Depression doesn't mean you're weak, it means it is impossible for you to be strong anymore. My strength has disappeared, and I do not believe it is coming back. There are only few people who even give a s**t, and one of them I'm not even supposed to see/talk to. My best friend in the whole world is being torn away from me because her father thinks I'm a bad influence. Why? What have I done? Absolutely f*****g nothing. I'm giving her the attention she needs, the love, the friendship. I'm keeping her alive, and she's keeping me alive, yet we're not allowed to be together. My best f*****g friend. I'm going to lose her because her step mom is the devil dressed as a psycho christian. I've done nothing but love and care for that family, and they show me nothing but hatred. Then there's my father. He's been dead for nearly eight years, and yet he is still haunting me. I get told constantly that I'm just like him. Or that my boyfriend is. No f**k you. I'm NOTHING like him. And I never will be. Neither is Dakota. We're going through a hard f*****g time right now. The economy sucks, what do you expect from us? We're trying, okay? So no, we're not like my father...because my father never tried. I have a job, and I'm buying an apartment as soon as I have enough money. I will also be going back to school. I'm going to f*****g show you, okay? Judge me, go right ahead. I'm ugly, I know. I'm disgustingly skinny. I'm flat. I'm annoying. I talk too much. I cry a lot. I'm dumb as hell. But what the HELL do you expect from me? None of that is my fault. NONE OF IT. Talk s**t about me, be my guest. But until you walk in my shoes, you'll never understand what I go through. I will rise above you. I will go far in life, and there's nothing you can do about that. I've lost the fights, but I will win this war. This depression will not destroy me.  

Reviews

[Elizabeth]

This is a book, love. Someday, when you're ready to write it, this story that is your life is a book waiting to be written. And won't *that* show them ;)