Me

A Poem by Luchia

A poem about my insecurities.

On the outside I might seem:
Joyous
Energetic
Crazy
Intelligent
Confident
But on the inside, the true me, I am
Depressed
Lethargic
Sadly Normal
Mediocre
Insecure
I want to be what I seem to be
But I can't
I do have some good things about me but I rarely notice them.
Sometimes my friends are the ones who make me feel like crap.
My self esteem is as big as an electron; and my friends sometimes make it worse.
Whenever I wear something cute or just feel good in general, my friends make one comment that makes my good mood crumble like the Berlin Wall. My friends make me feel so bad sometimes that I wonder why I deal with it, why I cover up the hurt it causes but I know the answer.
Its because I'm scared to lose them, I don't want to lose anyone else even. if it means being near people who don't make me feel good about myself.
I like me the way I am, usually, but because of things that happened with some old friends of mine I began to wonder about myself
Is it me?
Is it my fault so many people leave me?
I'm scared to be myself because of it.
The two sides of me are fighting like North and South Korea.
The part that likes me the way I am and the part that's scared that my personality is why my loved ones leave me.
I shelter my heart from anymore ache by just not letting anyone in who wasn't already in my heart.
I am not afraid to admit that at times I've been so depressed that I've cut.
I can say this because I'm past that part of my life and I will not be going back.