I Cannot Fly Like You

A little black bird

Perched below the sky

Watches flocks of color

As they pass her by

She picks at her own feathers

So they might know color, too

Then humbly wonders why

Reviews

[Vivian Fisk]

I really liked the very unusual line, "Perched below the sky." It doesn't say where she is, or what she's perched on, but only that she is below the sky, looking up. It conveys, and I don't know exactly how, that she is isolated and very lonely. Her self-consciousness about her black feathers, and her innocent preening to try to make them colorful are heartbreaking; her "humbly" wondering why, which suggests her patient acceptance of her tiny fate, is a masterful use of a simple adverb. You intuitively know how to coax empathy out of your reader.

[Unspoken poet]

This is so creative, I really like the flow of this as well. This is wonderful.

[Nesu]

though your wings may not emulate theirs, you too will have your day to soar just as they have... if not already. great piece.

[Einstein Noodle]

beautiful Lucia ... every line important and "I Cannot Fly Like You" says so much in just seven precise lines ...really nice use of the metaphor says i ..and personification of the bird is very relateable ..the sadness of wanting to belong ..to be more than we think we are is palpable..i think this is very good!
E.

[Thepensiveplayer]

Simple and deep at the same time. Your right you can't fly like others, but you can fly in an unique way that makes you who you are :) I'd say the beauty of the bird in black is that it stays on track. Nice work!

[KCthelastboyscout]

Simply amazing.im speechless.a powerful statement with only a few words.thank you.thank you.

[Alexa Apothic Red]

I like the utter simplicity of a short read like this.. You are like me. We can get so wordy and long-winded as writers, this is a nice inspiration to scale back and keep it simple for the reader and pack a more powerful punch, so to speak.

What I particularly like is the intrigue created by the line "perched below the sky." That is a little bit different than being perched on the typical mainstream branch that's "just for the birds"... So to me it conjured up the image of a wallflower of the bird while the busy stream of sky where all the regular birds fly is up above... perhaps dangling just out of reach..

Also, the part where she picks at her own feathers so they might know her color conjured up the image of a baby crow.. kind of an unliked bird, maybe one with a tarnished, bad reputation but misunderstood in her darkness. She has color too!

[Rye]

This is remarkable, I like this one.
It has flow and meaning and depth.

[Lucia]

thank you! at the time I was writing so many poems that were way too wordy, slowing things down a pace can sometimes make for a more powerful and sincere sentiment I think