Monkey Noises

I was in the woods late

A little after midnight

I sat in a clearing

A circle in a crop of trees

Smell new cars try to fake

Opening up my sinuses

With closed eyes

Slow controlled breathing

I sat legs crossed

I could feel the energy around me

Wild and tangible in the silence

Yet clear enough to give my being space

Not overwhelming

Then I was surrounded on all sides

By wild ape noises

I opened my eyes wide in an instant

Felt a heart attack in my chest

Swirls of sound on all sides

Spinning around me

Seemingly squeezing my head

Back and forth

Back and forth

I was a rag being rung out

The sounds got nearer

Closed in on me

Encircling me

Parallel on all angles

The stranglehold on my space

Tightening tightening tightening

The whoops louder

My eardrums hammering into my brain

Then in an instant

There was silence

As the sound lingered in my mind

For a few moments longer

And I remembered to breathe once again

Reviews

[SuperChick62]

Very interesting. I've been trying to get me and my husband into meditating for about three years now, it hasn't been successful as of yet. But, I'll keep trying.
You did a really good job when you picked up the pace. You made me hold my breath as a reader, feel the panic. The description of the calm scene for as long as it lasted added to that intense fear. One could almost be... shocked by it. Which leads me to my suggestion, which I always try to give.

Maybe change the tempo, the style of the poem for the calm bit. Longer lines, bigger words (but not too big to make the reader had to use a dictionary to read). But just something even calmer than what it is. Maybe even more stanzas, describe how you feel in the moment before the panic. It'll bring out the emotion of the next bit even more.

I really like this one a lot. I would love to see more like it.

M. Super

[Luke L]

thank you very much, Sue :)

[Prritiy]

My eardrums hammering into my brain

Then in an instant
There was silence
As the sound lingered in my mind
For a few moments longer
And I remembered to breathe once again

Wow what a poem, the end was marvelous and unimagined, liked it.

best wishes

[MsJewel]

Your words drew me in and at the end..yes..I remembered to breathe. Quite a powerful piece of writing with a wonderful message. :) Julie

[Luke L]

thank you very much Julie :)

[kublakhan27]

I don't know if you've read Robert Frost but this is very much in his style...he spent a lot of time outdoors and wrote a lot of narrative pieces explaining his thoughts about the world around him and the distractions he would get from nature's nuances, like forest sounds (not sure what else to call them) and how they affected his mindset...I'm not sure he ever encountered ape noises though haha But the presence of animals nearby (especially apes, who can be dangerous if you find them on a bad day) ratcheted up the drama in a way that natural sounds wouldn't...an evocative and imaginative piece...well done Luke :)

[Luke L]

I was thinking about people encountering bigfoot in the woods, that is really what inspired this. Thanks for the review, man :)

[kublakhan27]

Not a problem :)

[Pryde Foltz]

Even when we try to subdue our minds, baser thoughts and emotions can take over. Fears and negativity can seem so strong sometimes. We try to evolve beyond our monkey selves and reach spiritual enlightenment but 'damn', it's not easy. Those monkeys howl real loud. You left off with the best piece of advice, I think, just breathe. There is a lot here. A fine write.

[Luke L]

thank you very much, miss :)

[Pryde Foltz]

Your welcome, Mister :):):)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

You take us into the lines of this read as a reader...from the way you convey the stanzas...each one gives an understanding of your surroundings...especially the time in which this takes place a little after midnight...gives a certain peace...one can focus...and you interpret the lines to us as they unfold...

I did think in the second stanza:

With closed eyes and slow controlled breathing
I sat legs crossed
I could feel the energy around me
Wild and tangible in the silence
Yet clear enough to give my being space
Not overwhelming
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
With closed eyes
Slow controlled breathing
I sat legs crossed
I could feel the energy around me
Wild and tangible in the silence
Yet clear enough to give my being space
Not overwhelming

...with the two thoughts in one line does not give the feel there...and separation would be better...

[Luke L]

Good point man! I will edit thank. Thanks for the review :)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Have at it...and you're welcome...