that bridge was crossed

a letter to the girl i once was

oh, girl -

you should have stayed on the mainland
in dreams of strapless gowns,
and high school quarterbacks

 
giving the boyfriend just enough to keep him
until after junior prom

but you traded crisp white collars
for bikini tops and ratty jeans

hung on conn beach
with ken kesey wannabes and caribbean refugees
tripped onto the dark side of the moon

 

you tried so hard not to drown,

but never learned to kick for the surface

 

before your lungs began to burn
 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Seeking constructive critique. Comments and suggestions appreciated.

Reviews

[W.k.kortas]

It's crisp, biting, and spare without being incomplete. I'm curious to know if there was any rhyme or reason behind the lining--the rationale for breaking the stanzas where you did isn't immediately apparent, in my view. That is, however, a minor complaint with a piece that is taut, visual, and intelligent.

[Emily B]

oh, girl, the bridges we cross. Ken asks about rationale for the line breaks, but with my words that is mostly instinct and gut feeling, I would have put the breaks in the same place you chose. That last line clinches the emotion of the thing perfectly.

It is a cunning, well-ordered piece of work.

[[untitled]]

awesome...way better than any of mine

[Freder Fredersen (aka G..]

Great piece of writing. I enjoyed!

Cheers!
FF

[Ed Hart]

that girl shouldn't have stayed anywhere that would have kept her from growing into the woman who thinks and assembles words with art and intention... as for constructive critique, my lens is not fine enough for that...ed

[Brjden (Bridge-Den) Cre..]

I enjoyed very much! I like that it's intelligent without it being confusing and so deep to where I drown by poetic crap. I love the self-reflecting and growth within! Great write.......