it's been twenty years

“Lynn” pastel portrait of a blonde woman in black

by Jill Stefani Wagner, PSA

it’s been twenty years, daddy

i’ve aged more than the calendar shows

not sure you would even know me now

even the tulips in my garden are drooping

they reflect my melancholy 

my dance card has only smudged memories

of the days when i heard your laughter

saw that small space between your two front teeth

smelled your after shave

and felt your love

you always said,

“life is in the etceteras

so pilfer what you can”

so, yea,  i’ve stolen back my own life

but i’m just an orphaned thief now

there’s no one to remember 

the good old-bad old days

except me

and that’s little consolation today

because it’s been twenty years, daddy

Author's Note

missing my father after twenty years....such a long time

Reviews

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I don't think the loss ever diminishes. It becomes imbued within our bones, flowing within our veins. One thing is for sure, life goes on; and we will meet our end like a million gone before us and a million more to come. One can only sigh at the mortality of it all.

[Lydia Shutter]

Indeed, Linda. They live on in our memories. We are all mere mortals. Thank you. Lydi**

[Beccy]

Yes he has, very positive. Whenever we get to talk about it, which is hardly ever, he just makes a joke of things and says that's he's calculated he has to live at least until he's eighty to get all his money back from the thieves that look after his pension. As you say, we can learn a lot.

Beccy.

[Lydia Shutter]

Indeed, Beccy....and enjoy every day you have with him.

[Beccy]

Lydia. I found this both a poignant, yet somehow beautiful poem in memory of your dear father. My dad is sixty eight now. He suffers from CML, (chronic myeloid leukemia,) which thankfully is being held at bay by some wonderful new treatments. It seems not to bother him anywhere near as much as it bothers my sisters and brothers and I, and he has absolutely forbidden us kids to tell the grandchildren (four now,) about his illness and he seems to just sail blithely on as if the condition is no more than a minor irritation. He is such a constant in my life that I don't want even to think about the fact that nobody lives forever. Twenty years, such a long, long time, but such memories are of course everlasting.

Bless you,

Beccy.

[Lydia Shutter]

Your dad has a great attitude....and I commend him. My father was the same way...through three cancer surgeries and radiation. We can learn a lot from them. I hope your dad is able to fight the chronic myeloid leukemia and that he will be with you a long time. Thanks for the lovely review. Lydi**

[redzone]

I really love this poem Lydi. These lines brought tears Lydi, "but i’m just an orphaned thief now
there’s no one to remember
the good old-bad old days
except me"

And they tell us that the pain of losing a loved one fades... maybe for someone who doesn't have a heart. Your heart is huge and always woven into your poems.... I'd say "nice" but this doesn't convey enough.
~~redzone

[Lydia Shutter]

Curt, you are so empathetic and compassionate and that means the world to me. No, the pain of losing a loved one never really fades. I can say that with certainty. I appreciate this review so very much. Lydi**

[Tom]

' Tomorrow is promised to none ' ; so prudent to savour and enjoy the time we have here, especially with those we are close too!

A poignant remembrance of your dear father, the sentiment is touching and sincere, nicely conveyed Lydia!

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you very much, Tom. He meant the world to me and I miss him every day. Lydi**

[willweb]

This was so sad sad Lydia. I know this feeling, though it hasn't been quite that long. It will always be something that pulls at me. Your poem today expresses that sorrow perfectly. I really enjoyed this today.

[Lydia Shutter]

I am sorry you understand so well. Very sad to lose a parent you love so much. Thank you for your compassionate and empathetic review. Lydi**

[wordman]

a beautiful tribute it made me think
my x wife died in april her father died years ago and
her mother passed a couple years back and somewhere
in between her only brother died the home place was bought by strangers
but the point is the whole family has disappeared like they never existed

[Lydia Shutter]

It's so true, Ron....and that is how I feel. I am the last one left. No aunts, uncles, cousins, nobody. It is very sad. Thank you for your warm review. Lydi**

[wordman]

you are welcome ,me and one sister.

[David Scott]

I have a dear friend who lost her father when he was only fifty... She still calls him "Daddy" and I think she will never feel whole again until she is with him in the heavens...
You remind me of her and how precious and enduring love can be between a father and child.
A lovely poem and a write I know lives deep within your soul.

[Lydia Shutter]

David, thank you for sharing your friend's experience with me. The love between a father and daughter never dies. I can't believe mine has been gone for 20 years. I appreciate your compassionate review. Lydi**

[Cassie]

may he continually rest well.....

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you, Cassie! Lydi**

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Yes, such a long time, Lydi. But a father's memory will never be erased from a daughter's heart.
I can feel you in this piece. So emotional as for me when it comes to parent-child relationship.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you, sweet Dh.....no, the memories are never erased. I miss him always. Lydi**

[Kelly Scheppers]

No matter the passing of time, our hearts will always document the years.
I am with you, Lydi..."not sure you would even know me now".
How profound this reads, and how beautiful...

Kelly

[Lydia Shutter]

Every experience in life changes us to a certain degree, Kelly....and not always for the better. Thank you for the warm compassionate words you left here. Lydi**