Last piece

I thought i would never come back. Not good at this anyway. Do this for my friend, who lost his hope (from his PoV).

Yes, I'm denouement and this means no earthly laws

Would prevent me from considering this topic free and costly

It is clear, as the wistful inevitability of life conclusion

In every cell of the body breathes the eternity my freedom- illusion

My alarm does annoy me to rage

Plus I am victim of minimum wage

Plus with beloved...I want to blast her

And the boss is impudent huckster

I accidentally boiled my coffee with sauces

Entire life in boxes - apartment, cars and office

This work was for me kef keef in remount

But today i'll tell it: bye,bye, for now, ciao

Today indeed for all his yells and "speak-it"

I'll play with boss's face long-awaited cricket

I want explosions, jump off a cliff, suddenly step on mine

I'm Jason Statham - adrenaline won't let me lie

While in the past I led the survival issues

Today incarnate like gin will I all the wishes

 

Author's Note

I will continue working on it. I need your opinion, that is incredibly important to me. I also feel, that my writing is highly flawed.

Reviews

[Shy Girl]

Not so sure what you think is missing. It read fine. Writing can always seem flawed to its writer. But that is why we revise, reed over, ask opinions, and more. This was an extremely strong poem. The ending may need more to it. Such a soft ending for the strong words and lines that come before it. But maybe that was your thinking when you penned this. I am not expierenced enough to recognize the, as you noted, "highly flawed writing" portions. I enjoyed the poem. Don't change much, it really is a fantasic piece in my opinion. :)

[Michael of Gilead]

Jason Statham......really?

[Kenneth The Poet]

Clever, heavy and relatable. Just edit it so it reads like a solid poem.

[stars are far]

this is so great i loved that :)

[Rene Velez]

the monotony of everyday life, the hell of conforming to a living not worth living because society dictates it so, a cog in the machine of life, it's good MD...don't give up on writing, it hasn't given up on you...

[Becky C Strukamp]

Nice work. I agree with Coyote Poetry. Excellent write.

[Raven Starhawk]

It was a clever poem for me to read. For me it was actually something I could find pieces of truth that circulate in my own life. I know that might not make sense but to my senile mind it makes perfect sense. ^^*

[Tasha]

"My alarm does annoy me to rage
Plus I am victim of minimum wage
Plus with beloved...I want to blast her
And the boss is impudent huckster
I accidentally boiled my coffee with sauces
Entire life in boxes - apartment, cars and office"
I really liked this, some really good poetry.
♥ Ta'Shandra

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

i love it, some great poetry here, fine job :)

[masqued_muse]

I think you must do what you will. BUT PERHAPS..something would be lost if you turn away now?Maybe universe sets stage to reveal...talent not inferior or wasted?...YES, I concur. For you thought it expedient to wring this last drop,perhaps the cup is not empty....after all?...js...I BELIEVE....
masqued_muse^^