Theory of affection. (draft)

Results of the extended thinking to understand love. My friend and I came up with the the theory. Read it all. Might help you in your life.10 mins that might change your life. Comment on writing style

I apologize for writing, my grammar needs to be tied up.

The story is old like the world. The girls I liked were out of the reach. Those who liked me, were left under the box labeled ''friends''. I always wanted the girl I like, to fall in love with me. Unfortunaltely I was followed by some evil fate, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this. Never would the cupid arrow pierce two hearts. All the time if someone wouldn't make me sad, I would make someone. Love was a pie for single player.
I thought that this world is weirdly arranged. There is this annoying disorder. Wouldn't it be so wonderful to have the love mutual, but not unanswered? The latter one is like dust surrounding diamond that one is gotta find.
Something in this world is in esthetic bedlam, I thought and started thinking it over:

Examples of undivided love:

1. When I rejected:

I was a 9^th grade rascal without money and experience in anything. I met a girl I liked at the first glance and asked her for a date. She appealed to me, she summoned feelings and a desire to be with her. There was no reason not to ask her. But I had no idea, what I would do and act on a date, as I had no experience whatsoever.
I started recalling advices about, what do girls like and what should one do to appeal to them. I remembered advice, which says that girls «like» with ears. Talk to them, but also listen and understand, but most importantly be open and sincere while talking to them. Girls like compliments, to be pampered, cared about and paid attention to... Like the rest of the people.
I meticulously and responsibly prepared for the date. I planned beforehand, what I was going to say and ask, so I would not be taken aback. Put on the best clothes, although I would not usually do that. In general, I did everything I could.
How wouldn't it be weird but the advices worked. I indeed managed to click something in her brain, and she wanted to be with me. I was delighted by the success, that I could see her possibly again.
At the next date I acted the same. I was an ideal guy. I gave her all I got, the whole century of percents. Everything I could do, I did for her and for the sake of her.
But some time later I quickly started getting tired, because spent all forces on the ideal behaviour. These dates became like hard work to me, that took all the living energy from me. Because of that the dates stopped brightening my days and the girl herself stopped summoning my feelings. I wanted to rest from her, leave, hide. And she liked these dates more and more. I was exhausted to the point that I wanted to leave. I found a reason and did it.
She might have wanted to reconcile. But I did not, as I did not want to stay to be an ideal guy and could not become normal again. That would be an offence against her.
I started thinking, why did that happen and what was my mistake. Why feelings fired up so fiercely, dissappeared? 

I think that happened because I started out by investing into relations a great deal of time and energy. More than I had. Namely I took burden beyond my strength. As a result I drained pretty quickly, so I could not sustain ideal behavior for too long. It became a job. In addition, consciousness armed with the sense of guilt blamed me for this game with her feelings.
From this situation, I made one conclusion. I shouldn't have behaved with her so ideally, but instead naturally, the same way I behave on the daily basis. I made a vow, that I would not try to make an effort to be liked, because if I do, I would be exhausted quicker than Moon makes it to the full twice, but not as quick as I would try to make excuses to not go to the date. I might need a girl, who would like me the way I am, with whom I wouldn't need to be so strained and spend all the time and energy. As soon as I made that decision, I quickly faded in the minds of girls, I became unwanted, contrary to the ideal behaviour.

2. When I was rejected:

Once I met this girl. She liked me and I liked her. Simple as that. Everything was great. There is a russian saying: «slided like on oil». It was easy and free with her, as it seemed to be that she liked me as I am. She pleased me the most with her actions: she did everything to me. For instance, she put on certain clothes, that I liked. She was wholly and entirely devoted to me. Always agreed with me. I thought: « At last I met someone special, one, that I need and... everything is great». I started making plans for the future, I dreamt. There was a problem, some time later she started avoiding me. She didn't want to talk to me on the phone, told me she been busy and didn't want to meet.

At the beginning I was startled... «Why did that happen?», I asked myself. She liked me. What had changed? Everything was great. «Damn it», I thought...


From these cases I made certain conclusions. If you put a great effort for the sake of another person, invest all you life forces, do everything " the person will fall in love with you. But you would be exhausted very quickly, as that kind of behaviour requires a lot. If you don't try, the person wouldn't fall for you and you would be indifferent to the person. If the other person tries hard to be ideal for you, you will be certainly charmed, but certainly the person will get tired and soon leave.

«What does one do?», I thought.

If you confront with undivided love and everything in the relationship goes well: you fell in love with person and the person started going apart, it means that he was investing a lot and finally fell on the ground exhausted. In this situation you were consumer. It means, in order to bring the person back you have to start giving your own living forces. Do it not hoping for anything. Just give. Because if you do something for the person hoping to get something back, it is not giving " it is a bribe. Barter. Purchase.

Not every action is giving. If you, for example, ask someone out to watch a movie and spend time on the ticket " it is not giving, though you certainly spend some money. I'll explain. The deal is in the fact, that the person has to be well dressed before the date and emotionally well prepared. The person has to behave well at the meeting with you, so you would feel good. It means that this person invests time and energy on you. If the money you would have spent on the movie ticket you put on the person's mobile phone, you get nothing from the person and the person doesn't have to spend anything on you, but receives from you. This is giving.If you frequently call the person - is it giving? Depends. If you call and ask out for a date " it is not giving " it is, I repeat, request, so the person spends the energy on you. But if you called and asked «How are you?» - it is giving of your attention.
Why is love one-sided so often? It is because one gives and another refuses to give back, but wants only to receive. It means one " sided love flourishes from egoism. By the way, the egoism is pretty popular at the moment. It is considered, that one has to take everything from life, care about nothing and use people. But who wants to be used? That's why no one likes egoists. On the contrary, everyone triesto runaway from these kind of people. I think one-sided love is the property of the time we live in. Egoism is fashionable, so is one-sided love.

I understood that all these girls, who fell in love with me, could be with me, could so to speak earn me. But they didn't even want to lift a finger and only asked from me to lift, so I would invest into them. I understood that I could «reach» all these girls, who rejected me, but I myself didn't want to do anything. I was offended on a girl, that I was ready to do anything for her, and she, cruel, didn't want to fall in love with me. She doesn't care about my sufferings, she doesn't want to date me. And I, «poor», sit here and suffer. The problem lies at the fact that I love her, but I don't want to do anything for her. To do something for her, so she feels great, but I necessarily wouldn't. That girl, I was tired of, could have brought me back, she just had to regenerate my living forces, spent on her. It means do something for me as much as I did for her.

Why does person suffer so much from the one-sided love?
???????
To explain that, I will use a metaphor. Imgaine, that you walk in a forest and find a transparent suitcase with million dollars. Certainly you rejoice about that fact. As you are at home, you try to open the suitcase, but you can't. You are a millionaire, but you can't spend the money. You start suffering and thinking, that it would be better if you didn't find the suitcase. Better if you passed by it than suffered.
In love person is on kryptonite, having so many life forces, due to release of hormones into the blood. The person has 10 times as much energy compared to a normal human, having impeccable stamina with exacerbated senses and enhanced memory. Brain and the whole organism work in forced regime. «In love» is a very strong drug, dope. Life energy spills over the top.
Here is the problem " there is no way to spend the forces if the person was rejected. The person has an immense desire, but can't make it real, can't spend the energy. Can you draw an analogy with a suitcase? Person is very rich, but can't spend the money.
By the way, the money is equivalent of the human energy. May not be accurate, but very often appropriate indicator. Let's transform energy to money. For instance, the nature gives hundred thousand to a normal person every day. However the nature gives a million to a person in love. Meaning 10 times as much. But the person in love being an egoist, instead of spending on the other person at least 10 dollars, in contrary, starts asking. Person in love already has a million, but asks for another two hundred thousand and even asks from a person, the nature gave only hundred thousand to. Isn't it silly? There is a balance in nature, but people don't seem to be behaving according to balance.

I will use an example:
The girl fell in love with me and told me about it. In reality I should have been happy about that. «Sooo cool, I'm loved ^^». But I wasn't really happy, because it means, that I have to spend my energy on her, as she being an egoist wants to add my last hundred thousand to her million. She chokes with energy and instead of spending the energy and this million on me, she wants me, the person barely making ends meet, give her my last crumbs. She starts whining: «Why aren't you calling? I am bored. Why aren't asking me out? Tell me something interesting.»
Using logic, if you are loved, you have to happy because hundreds on thousands will be spent on you. But everything in reality happens vice versa " if you are loved, it means people would take your last hundred thousand.
Instead of asking me for my last drops of energy, asking me for my attention, it would have been better if she could have made something for me. Spent some time on me. I could have in return, told her something interesting. But she wanted me to spend my forces on her right away. Why would I do that?
But honestly, I was an egoist as well, instead of spending the million I had been given by the nature. Spending it on someone important. I chose to ask, not to give. Asked for attention, to do something for me. Offended, if she didn't want to give me anything. Instead of doing something nice to her, I on the contrary asked for another million. That's why people ran away from me. That's why I ran away.

There are three ways to treat yourself from one-sided love:

First way - «treat poison with poison». If the one you love doesn't want to be with you " go and party. Meet other girls. But this way is very harmful for your well-being. It is like instead of favourite cake you eat something that you hate. The thirst will go, but you would be distasted.
Second way " work hard and go to gym. Spend as much of time and energy on yourself. If you spend that million, it would be much easier.
Third way " start GIVING to someone you love. Sufferings will not only go away, but the person will fall in love with you. 

It is important to say, that the same logic applies to friendship, but in the milder way. The great indicator of which friendships to keep. 

Author's Note

Comment on writing style. It is only a draft.

Reviews

[Kenneth The Poet]

Interesting piece. The wisdom is almost sage-like. I'd say clean up the spelling mistakes and format the paragraphs to make for easier reading.

[M.D]

I want to give a credit to my friend. He provided me with his experience, which I narrated in 1st person. However, we came up with the theory together.

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

Great thinking and advice here, much appreciated...well done :)

[Coyote Poetry]

When the love is one sided. Best run away. Good friends can learn to love you. But when need take over common sense. You will lose. Love is luck and good timing. Must find the person on the same path with the same need. Will happen. Took me 35 years to find my poor wife. Old wise saying. Better to try and lose. Then be lonely and wished you did something. A excellent story.
Coyote