Perks

Just adding a little more going back into the girl wanting to put emotion and conflict into the characters head making his decisions based on a love thats been over for a while

WEll being in the army was very fun. The training was very rough and vigorous, but we learned a lot. Supposedly the name of the group was the Todessty we looked up the word. It was the German word for death blow. Which made sense it was a very appropriate name for the group. Well we had found enough information. Having military intelligence at your fingertips was nice too. I could easily spy on any group in the world or any person. I was constantly surveying Valeries' house. I couldn't let it go. I thought that me and her was going to be together forever but we weren't it was this guy. I looked him up on the military data base. He was a military man too but he was on leave. An incident left his leg tore. He could walk and run but he had real bad arthritis in his knee. What can't shrapnel do nowadays. I respected this man without even knowing him. I visited the house one day. I decided I would meet him face to face. I rang the doorbell and he answered. His name was Mike short for Michael. This man was very respectable. We meet i told him i was a military man hoping to talk to a veteran about some old stories. He happily agreed and allowed me in. I walked in and the house was gorgeous. Everything was very new and up to date. The ceiling had a very old style chandelier though which was a nice touch. I walked into the living room and it was too much. The 42' flat screen t.v, the wonderful couch and love seat were a matching set which really brought the room together. We sat down on the couch and we talked. Before to long she walked in. She introduced herself, but she didn't have to, I asked her questions even though I already knew the answers. She was just as i remembered. Just as beautiful and just as perfect as ever. I fell in love again, but i knew it was forbidden. So i left with a heavy and hurting heart.

Reviews

[Bridget Mcmaken]

wonderful chapter. I love it. Though I feel sorry for the guy because he loves her so much and he just cant be with her. All and all this is a very wonderful chapter.

[Paris France]

This chapter is short for a first chapter, that’s not bad at all, as long as you can fist the right amount of info into it. I think personally, you should add more detail about the main character. Male or Female? Age?
Looks? Rank? Details like these help the reader become familiar with the character, therefore they care and are drawn into the story. I think you did a good job introducing the side characters. We know really nothing about Valarie or her man, but just the way you described them (which I underlined) was fantastic. I can really see why your main character loves her and why he respects Mike. You also used some great descriptions for the scenery. The more descriptive detail the better, remember that!!

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[deeps]

This is deep and powerful. Such emotion you have put into this.
I thought this was really well written. I like this.