Capsized

A story written this morning, 7/17/16, to my husband, an empath like me who needs the strength of our love, as I do, to remember who we are.

A dark shadow has fallen across the doors and skylights of a home once filled with music and laughter. As it gathers strength, we within its circle of influence begin to falter- not rising with the gratitude of each new day, but struggling weakly against the insidious mist that hazes our minds. Lost in our own memory-mazes, each of us alone turns down corridors that lead past life scenes to one dead end after another. The love that binds us seems far off, a distant lighthouse barely penetrating the fog.

We have hit a glacier that was unseen, one which showed above water only a fraction of its massive form, one we underestimated in our lack of foresight. The ship is going down, slowly at first, tilting as the deck takes on black water, sweeping us away from each other. It is no longer seaworthy, trapped in icy sledge. There are too few lifeboats, but we each manage to find one, scrambling aboard to sit beside strangers who cry out "We are doomed!"

Your lifeboat, my love, is so far away in the dark fog, I can barely feel that you are alive, and I send out the heart-message that I am alive also. We must find each other across the growing expanse that seeks to steal our tenuous safety and drain our minds of hope. I feel your dark thoughts as if they are my own, that it is hopeless, no one will come for us. That we will all drown in horrible suffocating deaths. But my mind speaks counterpoint: we are not in the water yet, there will be a rescue.

There is a light that is stronger than the shadow that has fallen across our lives. There is someone searching for us; we, the children of that light, belong to the lineage of someone who will not cease his search until he collects each one of us in his majestic ship. He is not phased by treacherous waters for he is master of the sea, calling the winds to his sails like a great Mage, calming stormy waters when he pleases. His searchlight sweeps left to right and left again across the dark expanse. We may be far from his approach, fighting fatigue, cold and hunger with dim hope, but I can feel him out there, moving in our direction.

We join the moans and cries of others we travel with, our minds telling us lies that all is lost now, that it is better to plunge into the dark water and give ourselves to the sea that has turned against us. So far from each others' struggles to cling to life, we believe love will not prevail this time. Somehow, we must cease our mourning, find that which resides in each of us - the gift of our inherent natures as first responders, in any crisis, as chaplains to deep feelings of fear and loss. That calling to save others must be activated that we might save ourselves now, holding the love we share as a bond across all tragedy to draw us closer despite the dread that seeks to steal our hope.

In my boat, I have a searchlight too, but it is losing power, drained by the hours of searching for those still alive treading water. I catch a glimpse of you, your frame bowed against the cold, hunched and frozen. There is no rope to toss to your boat to reel you closer so we can tie off together. But is our love not strong enough to close the distance, heart to heart, find that telepathic link we had when we were young and practicing for this day?

I pray to the one I sense is coming, still a long distance away:
"We are here . . . Move quickly to find us . . . We are here . . . Help us to hold on as we wait . . . Raise the sun on our journey to sear through this fog that we may see your approach . . . That we may find each other, bind our boats together drawing strength from our numbers . . . We are here!"

I imagine the grand ship approaching slowly to avoid its own catastrophic wreck in treacherous waters. I see it finding you first, sending its lifeboat out to carry you safely aboard with the strangers you have pulled out of the sea. I believe it will reach me in time also, I have mothers and children aboard, listless now, too long facing cold winds and the threat of shark-infested waters. I sit straight at the bow, shining the last dimming power of my searchlight, still looking for you. Cold has numbed my fingers and I can barely hold my arms up, but my will, stronger than my weariness, will not give in to thoughts of icy death.

I see in my mind's eye now, clear and strong, the vision of our reunion as the Mage's ship approaches my boat, sending out rescuers to take me aboard. We find each other across strewn blankets filled with bodies clinging to the warmth of fleece. The heart bond draws us closer as it did in our youth. You have not lost your staff, and that is what I recognize first- the top of the walking stick moving across the deck. We reach each other and fall into arms of tenderness and relief.

We are both safe, saved, allowed another chance. We may have lost everything the night the ship went down, but this love, pledged strong from the beginning, has endured. In my vision, I say quietly, "Come my love, sit with me, tell me the tale of your journey and I'll tell you mine." We share a warm blanket and hot broth to soothe our frozen bodies. "Let's find a song to sing of this passage, one of gratitude and hope." Our voices raise spontaneously to find the harmony in a song of our own making.

The vision fades, but I know it is a prescient message from the Mage who searches the waters for the children of his lineage. My searchlight has gone out now, but his is strong enough to find me. I send strength across the distance to wherever your boat has drifted, a carrier-wave of memory of what I have just seen. I will it to travel quickly that you might see it too, and sit straight in the bow of your boat, filled now with the hope of rescue.

Author's Note

On one anniversary, my husband gave me a miniature "heart of the ocean" pendant, a symbol of the kind of sacrificial love we witnessed in the movie "Titanic". When he started to go down this week, I went with him. Then I wrote this story to bring us both back to what we know: "love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." and "I am convinced that nothing can separate us from God's love." The story brought us closer; our boats are now tied off together, and I am grateful.

Reviews

[H.L. Cerveise]

This is a lovely tribute to your relationship and your journey with another kindred soul. The despair comes across with such a dark twisting of the heart, and the metaphor of the boats adds such a great depth. The ending enthralls the mind with such a lightness that it dispels the darkness gone through.

[Marianne Rose]

Thank you, dear friend. The image of the titanic is with me a lot these days- people setting out, in couples, with fine clothing and jewels to enjoy a fantastic, unknown journey, only to have such cataclysmic and sometimes fatal outcomes. This is such a true metaphor for my love and I, often separated but always linked, even when I cannot feel it. I am too small to travel this vastness alone, and forget that there is always someone looking for me and for my husband when we get lost. The love we have, and the love of God for us, is what gets me through these icy times and helps me cling to not just the dream, but the premonition of something real, where love will rescue and unite us all. I appreciate your reading this, and your insightful review.

[Mari R-J]

Just beautiful. We are lucky to have souls that we love so dearly.

[Marianne Rose]

That is absolutely true. Don't know how people make it without finding that special someone to share the journey with. Thanks for reviewing this!

[Inject Positivity]

It's never easy to find that boat that matches with us but I think if we have faith in the one who sent us here, our life can change and our boats can surely be tied together... You said it so beautifully in this write and it brings lots of thoughts in my mind... There is something magnificent that is hiding in it, and I specially felt it more when you described how God is going to keep on on searching for us until he collects all of our pieces... In times of difficulty we hardly remember that someone is always looking over us and he will see us through... Amazing work dear frnd... You are truly filled with life's deepest experiences... God bless you, may you two stay tied together always...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Marianne Rose]

What a wonderful uplifting review, my friend. Some days, when the struggle is hard, it is just these encouraging words you send me that make all the difference. It is like a beautiful circle- I write a story when I have seen hope, then I lose hope again and forget what was sent to me, and then you remind me by reading and reviewing the story, sending the hope back again- and on and on it goes, a circle of encouragement and love. Thank you for the gift of this review today. Peace, my brother.

[. serah .]

~ it's challenging to find the balance between sharing pain and rescuing and uplifting... ~ often we drag ourselves into the dungeons of despair of a loved one and forget that we need to be out of the dungeon in order to pull our loved one out of it... ~ despair tries to trap us in its vacuum and we have to deploy every ounce of energy we have to resist that force...

[Marianne Rose]

Yes, you remind me of the movie "what dreams may come" again . . . my husband and I face most challenging times when we both go down together and can't reach each other to work together to climb out. The dungeon is an apt metaphor. Thanks for reading this and for your thought-provoking review.

[Celie Rose]

I really enjoyed reading. I can relate to this very well. I call it, "dark cloud of sadness and depression."
It washes over you out of the blue. Sometimes the emotions we experience make us want to sleep and never wake because of the severe pain. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It is a struggle. Fight those emotional waves. They will come and they will go, but they shall pass. Find the strength to carry on. "I send strength across the distance to wherever your boat has drifted, a carrier-wave of memory of what I have just seen. I will it to travel quickly that you might see it too, and sit straight in the bow of your boat, filled now with the hope of rescue." Well written and expressed. Bravo!

[Marianne Rose]

Yes- your experience of the dark cloud and ours of hitting a glacier are one and the same- interesting that we both express these feelings with imagery of nature. The waves you speak of- they do come and go, and they do pass. When it lasts too long, the isolation becomes part of the pain and loss- we must reach out for each other and hold on to hope until feel release from that cloud. My husband wrote a song about the sun up in the sky- always there, despite it being hidden by clouds. That's where faith helps- you know the sun is always there even if you don't feel it. Thank you so much for understanding, and for your kind review.

[Diamond]

Beautiful my dear friend. "minds telling us lies "...This mind is strange, it is good at analysis and logic but some times blinds us of Truth. I see the unending hope and tolerance in this story and wish the vibrations can reach far to the mankind. I like it very much. Thank you for the read request.

[Marianne Rose]

My mind has been given too much leeway and power in the last two weeks, playing images of haunting terror and grief from the world events. You're right about the mind- once it tracks something, it seems to not want to give in to the heart that carries love into the world. Bringing the mind back from that icy sea to the warmth of love's power and union has been a daily discipline for me these days- sometimes I win the battle, sometimes it overcomes me as it does my husband and friends. But I am holding on, and I too pray hope fills the people around me, and emanates out into the world. Thank you for your review,many for reading this and seeing the positive in it. It means a lot to me these days to connect and feel understood and accompanied through this difficult time. Peace, friend.

[Diamond]

I can understand that very well...particularly when the frequency of vibrations is close to each other's, that gives a lot of support along the journey of the soul path. Love