The Devil Wears Blue

Wrote this about the loss of someone who was very special to me...

This is my life, it's a tragic story
But don't ever take me for some cryin' little boy
Playin' with his toys
To forget about the world
The pain, the trouble
Cuz if you back down- the trouble only doubles

It's fate
Its the way the world works
And anyone livin'
Knows livin' hurts

I'm not tryin' to be your preacher
I'm not fit to be your teacher
I had it all goin'
Then I had to leave her
And maybe if I treated her the way she should be treated
I wouldn't have been cheated
And if I had a second chance
I wouldn't be defeated

I tried to protect her
She wanted to stay and maybe I should have let her
But I wasn't there
And lord it isn't fair
Cuz now I'm in the doctor's
Cryin' in this chair
And you're dyin'
And girl I'm really tryin'
To keep you here, I'd sell my soul
But the devil isn't buyin'

Six hours of pain, six hours of wait
I cried, I lied, I said it would be okay
But I could feel the weight
Pressin' against my chest- like the truck that brought your fate

Sittin' here now- I know its true
That hell is sterile and the devil wears blue-
-scrubs like the man who said I'd have to live without you

Author's Note

Let me know what you think, I really want to get some outside opinions on this piece.

Reviews

[Kelsey]

I can't say why, but I love the last three lines. This whole piece flows so wonderfully. I love that you don't end words like "living" with the g, but instead replace it with the '. It makes the poem seem a little less serious, but at the same time it helps it to seem like it's being spoken, since most no one actually says the g at the end of words. Maybe I'm doing a poor job of explaining why, but I really love this poem. I'm eager to read more of your work.

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you. I try and write it so that it sounds the way its spoken with most of the things I do. Many poets forsake proper grammar for the sake of rhythm so I try and keep that in mind when I'm writing. I have a few more poems, feel free to give them a look, as well.

[Sacha Davison]

I like it! I wish I were awake to give a more intelligent review. Great piece though!

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you, and you're fine lol I'm just glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading it.

[Truth_About_Rain]

This is really good!
to tell the truth, I didn't really get 'into' the poem (which means I skimmed it xD) until halfway through at the lines of 'To keep you here, I'd sell my soul/But the devil isn't buyin'' Those words struck me really... powerfully I guess. Like how hopeless the situation feels?
Also love the last line, the rhyme is awesome there! ^.^ Love the... I don't know what you call it, is it metaphor? or comparison...? (Or is that the same thing? O.O) Okies anyways xD Love it! :D

[MachinaWriter]

A metaphor is when you compare something to something its really not. Like if you were to say "her eyes were the moon". Obviously, her eyes aren't really the moon. A simile is like a metaphor, but you use the word like or as "Her eyes were 'like' the moon."

So in the case of this the line would be more like a regular comparison, or an offbeat kind of metaphor. I'd just call it a comparison lol But anyways, thanks for the read. I'm glad you liked it ^^

[Truth_About_Rain]

Ah thanks!! XD I never remember those sort of stuff xDDD
I'm glad I liked it too xDDDD And I'm glad you're glad that I liked it :P

[Circe]

this was really well written, the flow worked brilliantly, also the rhyming lines were timed in such a way that just flowed naturally, I was able to engage strongly with these words on an emotional and personal level. this was a heavy theme to write about and the language matched the maturity required to deliver the message, I thinks this is quite a complete solid piece that doesn't really need any improvements, it's an astounding story of tragedy..

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you so much. Coming from you, this means a lot. And the fact that it was for this one means a great deal, considering how important this piece is to me. Thank you.

[Sarah W. French]

I love the ebb and flow of your words. And at the end everything is tied together in such a perfect way. I really enjoy this poem

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you. I have a few more poems, if you feel like looking them over. Either way, thank you for giving it a look ^^

[Sirius King]

very emotional and sad, u put these words together very well, i felt like i was in the hospital with u.....

my favorite lines are...
Sittin' here now- I know its true
That hell is sterile and the devil wears blue-
-scrubs like the man who said I'd have to live without youAnd girl I'm really tryin'
To keep you here, I'd sell my soul
But the devil isn't buyin'
...and...
Sittin' here now- I know its true
That hell is sterile and the devil wears blue-
-scrubs like the man who said I'd have to live without you

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you. This came out because of a very tough time in my life. Your comments mean a lot. Thank you for reading it.