She Kisses Me Softly

A poem about addiction and ending the cycle...

So you think the world owes you

And you say "What am I supposed to do?"

When the world keeps hatin’

We all keep playin’

The same game, we all know its true

 

Call girls and drug slingers

Sunglasses and middle fingers

Cuz there’s no debatin’

We’re all just waitin’

For the vein to meet the cold stingers

 

And yes, she’ll kiss you softly

She won’t say that you’ve only bought me

And she’ll hide the pain

She’ll kiss your vein

Til you wake and say “she robbed me”

 

And you’re left with just a cold sweat

Your body’s toll, collecting the debt

But you’ll work a deal

You know you will

Every day cashing in the devil’s bet

 

That you’ll just keep going, until you drop

And while you hate the girl, you still bought

Her nightly company

Whispering “you want me”

Until the day you yell “just stop!”

 

You’re done with the endless cycle

Of drugs, alcohol and NyQuil

I’ll take the pain

She’ll leave this vein

There’s nothing left for her to steal.

Author's Note

Just wrote this one up, was having fun working with a set pattern, since most of my stuff doesn't really work this way. Let me know what you think, criticism is welcome and so are plain old comments ^^

Reviews

[eglantine]

plain old comment: i like the font you use.

constructive feedback time: I like how you assigned a gender to the drug addiction (assuming it's one), especially that it is female. Goes with the whole Eve and the first ultimate temptation leading to sin and consequence. There are a few lines that are a bit chewy compared to the crispiness of the majority of your lines. Just needs a lil' dusting. Thanks for sharing!

[MachinaWriter]

Yeah, the font is Arial Narrow, size 10.

I noticed that, too, and just got done editing some of it. I changed "You're left with nothing, just a cold sweat" to simply be "And you're left with just a cold sweat", as well as changed the line:

"Every day cashing out with the devil's bet" to "Every day cashing in the devil's bet" As well as a few other minor things. Thanks for the constructive feedback ^^

[eglantine]

nice! i like the changes you made :) trimming the fat.

[MachinaWriter]

Yeah, I had to put the poem on Weight Watchers lol

[eglantine]

bwhahahahaaaaaa, just made my day a whole lot better

[MachinaWriter]

lol glad you thought that was funny xD thanks again for the read-through ^^

[eglantine]

anytime :)

[RachelReaper]

I took it to mean that the girl is a metaphor for a type of drug, that's a new one, or at least I've never heard it put like that. You've got so much talent for writing about literally anything and making it sound unique, quirky, awesome, and original.

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you, that means a lot ^^

[Kelsey]

This is amazing, as usual. Your work always speaks and tells a story, and it's something beautiful. Please never quit writing, you have a natural gift.

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you, that truly means a lot.