Painted Skies

The coffee stain, smeared across

this glossy-finished tabletop

like a waterstain- painted, drawn;

catches my eye,

as it always does,

during the early hours of dawn.

 

It seizes my train of thought,

a temporary stop,

screeching, pistons ceasing

as I think to the other stains

                that still aren’t gone.

 

Like the stain of disdain

I have for all the things

I still have yet to gain.

This cigarette,

burnt out from neglect,

rests between my fingertips

as I sip upon the same

early morning coffee,

I drink at the start of every day.

 

And I think,

I lack heart in the things I say,

constantly scratching away

at a leatherbound book,

as I look

                for meaning in this life.

 

I’ve been dreaming of things,

my tongue can’t speak;

of green fields

            starry skies

and snowy mountain peaks.

And of something else,

                        I really seek…

someone whispering in my ear,

taking away my fears;

making me feel weak

                            and strong.

who makes days short

               and moments long.

 

I rest my coffee cup

upon that stain and lift my head

looking up

                 at my window instead;

I stop and see the first light

over the rooftops,

                      breaking away the night

as I imagine you rising out of bed.

 

And I seek sleep,

because deep in those dreams

everything seems…

                               …better.

Not an escape.

A time to envision

and help with the decision

to break away the tape

around this crime scene

that used to be my dreams…

                …but not any longer.

 

Because…

               there is a green field,

painted behind my eyes…

and I must simply close them

to see those starry skies,

where you and I

lay side by side,

upon beds of grass…

I know eventually I’ll meet you there,

                    old friends, embraced at last…

 

And with you I’ll lie down

               in those green pastures

forgetting past years

                          and past hurts…

 

There is for once solemnity

                                  in my soul…

and this sin in me,

which burns like coals

is starved in the waters of your sea…

 

And I wish to thank you,

for your sacrosanct heart.

It is a shrine in the eyes

                      of my departing mind…

 

To me, you are sacred;

and I wish to rid

myself of the fears

that put a lid upon my heart,

                     ready to burst…

Because you quench the thirst

of my soul,

in you, I finally live…

and I know,

            you deserve all I can give.

 

Because I find strength in all our talks.

And through them I would walk,

through that darkest valley,

in the alley between hopelessness

and despair…

For even there,

            you rally the courage in me;

you give me reason to be

                          a better man.

To stand…

                  …when I once would lay.

 

You have brought me a soul

of solemnity…

And given me a mind

                          of serenity…

I now have a heart longing for love

 just saying “Let it be! Let it be!”

 

So I look upon that coffee stain,

and give a little smile.

In a short while,

we’ll talk again

and I’ll be greeted

by the hope you send

           in every little message…

I watch the last vestige

of night fade away to day…

                       the sun is free…

I think of you

and I think of me

then I think of the stain....

         and decide to let it be,

  let it be…

Reviews

[Jessica M. Lundquist]

Beautiful word choice throughout - I love the "let it be,/let it be..." at the end - what a great sentiment to leave on. Also very visual - the coffee stain, such an everyday thing, so ugly, yet you siphon a beautiful thought out of it. I love that this doesn't have a rigid rhyme scheme - I think that makes it really interesting and groups/organizes thoughts appropriately. I can feel the longing and the devotion in this... and also an "other-worldly" feeling (for lack of a better term). You began with a very tangible, earthly image and lead me into another, more peaceful place. The thought I'm left with is not that anything is perfect, but that to "let it be" is best. Very moving. Great job.

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you, that truly means a lot. My rhyme scheme has changed quite a lot since I first joined this site, turning into what it is now, thanks largely to a good friend in my life, who is a bit of a muse and a bit of something more. Its amazing how simple changes in our lives can switch around the way we think, even the way we write. Sorry, I'm rambling lol I get carried away sometimes. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem, that truly means a lot.

[Jack Reaper]

wow, just wow. that was quite powerful. im not sure theres anything you didnt do right here. great flow, imagery, word choice, i could go on and on. incredible journey you have taken me on sir. very much enjoyed

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you ^^ Feel free to take a look at some of my other works. This one is a personal favorite of mine, so I'm glad you enjoyed it. It encourages me, this piece, as it makes me think that I'm hopefully developing into the kind of poet I want to be. To at least know that I'm on the right track. Thanks again for the read and the kind review, I appreciate you taking the time to let me know what you think of this piece ^^

[Natasha]

What a powerful poem, wrapped nicely in great grammar, style, format, intense imagery, fantastic flow, and overall a wondrous journey! well done!

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you ^^ That truly means a lot, and that's a wonderful review. I'm just glad that you enjoyed it and I appreciate you taking the time to read it and leave a comment.

[Natasha]

you are defiantly welcome!! :)

[Starfruitanimal]

"like the stain of disdain" nicely put. i love the ending . your poetry is awesome

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you ^^ I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[hussain]

amazing! so eloquent you left nothion undone.

[Transience]

a complete work.you flirt with doubts and desolation,court dreams for sometime and finally wed the reality with a hope you know you can change into reality.from the tangible to the metaphysical,use of stain was a wonderful idea.you assuage your fears,you bring the term perfection to some modesty and embrace what is real without regrets.it's not giving up but more like raging that tempest which ails us always due to our obsession with making life perfect.life never is and learning to love with all its imperfections is the best thing to do- a brilliant message.depiction of an emotional odyssey,it's just beautiful.reminds me of a story which ends somewhat like this-
it was million miles away from her dream.it was even better.it was REAL.

i am so taken with the meaning that i ignored the words in my first read.but again many are exceptional,so can't point them all out.this one felt classic-
days short,moments long.
really,from the mundane to an ethereal take on these things.i must say one thing,i have never seen anyone explore the word coffee as you do lol.
magnificent job.

[MachinaWriter]

I do seem to talk about coffee alot in my poems. I even have one, similar to this, that you would probably enjoy, called The Coffee Shop. I was a fan of that one, but it didn't get that much attention, sadly. Thank you for your kind review of this piece. I need to go get a cup of coffee now and try and calm my ego a little, for that is truly the bane of a poet. lol Thank you for taking the time to read this, considering its length. If you enjoyed this, I think you may like the message and concept of my Coffee Shop poem, if you ever get the time ^^

[Kelsey]

Once again, a piece that's nothing short of beautiful. I can't help but wonder how you combine everything, make it all seem to go together, without overdoing it. Very lovely piece that paints a beautiful image. As always, I enjoyed. x

[MachinaWriter]

I'm constantly writing. Trying new things. Reading through it when I'm done to see if it flows right, or things can be cut down or changed in any way. I recommend reading things out loud as you write it. Write a few lines in, then go back, read it all over again from a few lines back, and pick up from there. Its back and forth, back and forth. Sometimes it just flows out, but if not, that's a good method. Reading it out loud, and reading it over as you write it, to make sure you're consistent with the rhythm. I'm glad you liked it, I was really eager to hear your thoughts on it. I know its a long piece lol

[Emma Ruth]

This is really awesome; there were so many lines that made me smile with their wonderful construction that there are actually too many to point out, but I've got to mention the whole of stanza 5 :D I love how all these beautiful and deep musings come from the plain inspiration of a coffee stain, how such things can ignite the above... How the poem becomes more and more intricate and extra ordinary, distanced from its beginning in the 'everyday'. I also love the idea of the field 'painted behind my eyes'. I don't really see anything that could improve it - I love it; thank you for sharing - I think you speak for a lot of people with this piece :)

[MachinaWriter]

I try and get the opinions of people who I see have actually "studied" English lol To check all the things I only know from my practices. This especially true when it comes from people, such as you, who write poetry that I truly enjoy. And I liked the field "painted behind my eyes" too, because that's the way it feels to me. Except, in my mind and heart, the field was painted by my muse. She holds the brush. I simply try and capture in words all the things she paints in my mind and heart.

[Sacha Davison]

Words escape me when trying to review this work. It creates such a vivid picture in the reader's mind. You are a very talented individual and once again your voice is absolutely enthralling. I am always captivated by your efforts.

One thing you may consider revising (just a suggestion) :

"A coffee stain, smeared across
the top of the tabletop,"

I find the "top of the tabletop" muzzles the beauty of the text. I'm very easily thrown off from reading though, so it may just be my own opinion. You have much greater diction than this line depicts.

[MachinaWriter]

Good point. I'll think on it, something better will come to mind. Hmm...

A coffee stain, smeared across
the wooden gloss of this tabletop,
like a waterstain, painted, drawn;
catches my eye
as it always does
in the early light of dawn"

Maybe...I'll work on it, maybe something better will come to mind. Thanks for pointing that out, you're definitely right. I hope the rest of it wasn't too thrown off by that. And right at the beginning lol

[MachinaWriter]

Sorry, "during the early hours of dawn." is what I meant.

[Sacha Davison]

It doesn't hinder me from wanting to read the piece whatsoever! It's definitely the weakest link of the text, though! "the wooden gloss" is an improvement for sure. I might use "finish" instead of "gloss", or perhaps them both. Here's what I mean:

"A coffee stain, smeared across
the glossy finish of this tabletop"

Something along those lines would hold MY attention personal. I'd get a second opinion before making ANY changes. Never hurts to get some reassurance.

[MachinaWriter]

A coffee stain, smeared across
this glossy-finished tabletop
like a waterstain, painted, drawn;
catches my eye
as it always does
during the early hours of dawn.

There, I rather like that one. I don't like using the word 'of', I feel it weakens the description. Imply by direction and placement, when possible, to cut superfluous words. They weaken the flow.

[MachinaWriter]

I also ended up editing the beginning of the second stanza. I changed "It catches my train of thought" to "It seizes my train of thought". Seize is a much stronger word. Plus, I used catches in the first stanza, already.

[Sacha Davison]

Wow , those simple corrections actually had quite a positive effect on the text. A very good piece, this one will be going in my favourites!

[MachinaWriter]

Yeah, I agree. Thanks for taking the time to point those out, those are the kind of reviews I look forward to. I often overlook some tiny details in the grand scheme of my writing, so its nice to go back later and look at those little things. They really make a big deal.

[Sacha Davison]

Absolutely no problem, friend. I thrive off of the same style of reviews. I'll be sure to check out those other requests you sent me once I've posted my new chapter and maybe another philosophic thought. 'Twas my pleasure to be of any help.

[MachinaWriter]

Sounds good, man. Thanks a lot. I'm working on another poem, at the moment, anyways. Can't wait to hear your thoughts on those pieces, though, when you get the chance. In the meantime, back to the poetic grind lol

[strangebrain]

absolutely phenomenal! you had me enticed with every beautiful line. the fifth stanza especially seemed to resonate within me a lot, and it is really quite lovely when you find a poem that helps you understand a little part of yourself which you previously hadn't.

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you, that truly means a lot ^^ This was a product of my muse's endearing inspiration and a large dose of caffeine and lack of sleep lol