A Practical Field Guide

Believe it or not this started as a way to introduce myself to my new boss...

A Practical Field Guide to Homo-Humongous

By Renowned Explorer Captain Monkey Hat

 

 

Species: Homo-Sapiens       

Class: Homo-Erectus

Sub Class: Homo-Humongous

Common Name: Mansquatch

Appearance: Moderately Tall, Heavily Built.

 

Range: Homo-Humongous (Further to be referred to as Mansquatch) typically resides in the Middle West and South to Southern West of the North Americas. Sightings of this creature in these areas are common and no cause for concern. As a point of fact they are treated with acceptance and little is made of their presence here. Occasional sightings do occur throughout the Americas with the fewest occurring in the West. They are particularly rare in the southern stretches of the state of California particularly near the metropolitan areas of Los Angeles and San Diego. When encountered in these areas approach directly and with caution for they have become accustomed to poor treatment at the hands of the locals.

 

Habitat: Mansquatch leads a relatively sedentary lifestyle choosing to work in “Office Buildings” and “Toll Booths”. They are a fascinating creature and even tend to “Drive” to their destinations to further their commitment to their inactive lifestyles.

  When they are not “Working” you often find them at “Dairy Queen” or perhaps the “Mac Donald’s” both of which are purveyors of the Mansquatches preferred diet “Processed Food Stuffs”.

 

Family Units: It was once believed that the Mansquatch was a solitary animal and often did not belong to or head family units. However recent research indicates that this is a more complicated creature than previously thought. There are indications that most Mansquatch do indeed belong to a “House Hold” of which they are the head.

  While there is evidence that some Mansquatch are able to attract and ensnare a mate of their own accord it is now believed that those are the more developed subjects who have learned to rely on “Charm” and “Humor” to attract a partner. It is thought that most Mansquatch enter into their family units not as Homo-Humongous but rather as a part of the more populace Homo-Normalis. In what is being credited as one of the largest breakthroughs in the area of Social Behavioral Research in many years I have discovered that once the Homo-Normalis has taken his partner he then begins his journey to become Homo-Humongous. This process can take many years.

 

Interaction: Most Mansquatch are docile and easy to approach and interact with. They do tend to appreciate direct contact. Approach the Mansquatch from the front and do not shy away or attempt to coax Mansquatch into an engagement. Mansquatch does not like to have to guess at ones motives or intentions. This is particularly true of a certain subset of Mansquatch which have not yet been named but tend to lean toward a less conventional look. They usually can be spotted by complete baldness and growth of some form of facial hair which usually takes the shape of a shaggy beard or a long poorly groomed Gho-tee or Van Dyke as is the more appropriate term. They may also sport varied tattoos usually depicting skulls or knives and often both. This particular type of Mansquatch requires direct handling and does not respond well to hints and subversive behavior. However, once contact has been made with this particular subset and a mutual respect has been formed they can be easy to interact with. Just always keep your eyes open for large groupings of this particular subset of Mansquatch. They typically appear on motorcycles and when they gather in large numbers become unpredictable and often nude.

 

  My research on this fascinating creature is not yet concluded and I will publish further journals as needed.

 

  Enjoy your travels fellow explorers, and Good Day.

 

Captain Monkey Hat.