Strong

Strong

A Poem by LadyT

Our fight threw me off track.
Scared I never find my way back.

Out of that cold and dark place I once created in my mind.
That always is so easy to find.

Your words were like cuts.
It drove me nuts.

Yet they were so familiar,
and yet so far.

Sitting next to you in the car, I felt weak and alone.
A little attention felt like you threw me a bone.

A decade old Fear was controlling me.
The realization hit me.

Yes, I am choosing my life.
Yes, I am doing this without your adivce.
Yes, I am emotional.
Yes, I am not in need of your validation.
Yes, I am a trusted companion.
Yes, I am enough reason to be heard.
Yes, I am healing.
Yes, I am fighting for my well-being.
Yes, I am strong.

So for now just know this.
I'll love you always mother, but I love me more.

© 2019 LadyT


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Featured Review

I can see where you've cleaned it up! It's getting there, but some of the word choice and cadence is still troublesome. Such as, the first few lines:

Our fight threw me off track/Scared I never find my way back.
Out of that cold and dark place I once created in my mind/That always is so easy to find.

Might sound better as:

"Our fight threw me so far off track
I was certain that I'd never come back

From that dark cold place so easy to find
Easy to hide from you deep in my mind.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

LadyT

3 Weeks Ago

That sounds really good. I'll work with that.



Reviews

I can see where you've cleaned it up! It's getting there, but some of the word choice and cadence is still troublesome. Such as, the first few lines:

Our fight threw me off track/Scared I never find my way back.
Out of that cold and dark place I once created in my mind/That always is so easy to find.

Might sound better as:

"Our fight threw me so far off track
I was certain that I'd never come back

From that dark cold place so easy to find
Easy to hide from you deep in my mind.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

LadyT

3 Weeks Ago

That sounds really good. I'll work with that.
While the message is good and I like the surprise of it being a mother and not a lover it feels rough and unfinished. Definitely revisit and revise.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

David george

3 Weeks Ago

Fair enough. Wanna back that up with some evidence?

I'm not being vindictive, I'm .. read more
Malise Haligree

3 Weeks Ago

In an equally unpleasant fashion.
David george

3 Weeks Ago

The difference is one is honest and the other is not. I'm not here to be one thing or another... I .. read more
second line, first stanza.... "i'd" not 'I'

You have a problem with word economy. In some parts this read like prose.

And I wouldn't end this on an "And,...." gimmick. Add another stanza to wrap things up outside of that. As it stands it feels unfinished and not in a good way.







Posted 3 Weeks Ago


2 of 3 people found this review constructive.

LadyT

3 Weeks Ago

Well "I'd" seems like too hypothetical in my eyes.

I see that and I will definitely c.. read more
This comment has been deleted by this poetry author.
This comment has been deleted by this poetry author.
I love that call to strength, that moment when you realize that you have to fight for yourself and not let others, whoever they are push you down.

Posted 1 Month Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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4 Reviews
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Added on September 9, 2019
Last Updated on September 23, 2019
Tags: Love, Feminist

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LadyT
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