Strong

Our fight threw me off track.
Scared I never find my way back.

Out of that cold and dark place I once created in my mind.
That always is so easy to find.

Your words were like cuts.
It drove me nuts.

Yet they were so familiar,
and yet so far.

Sitting next to you in the car, I felt weak and alone.
A little attention felt like you threw me a bone.

A decade old Fear was controlling me.
The realization hit me.

Yes, I am choosing my life.
Yes, I am doing this without your adivce.
Yes, I am emotional.
Yes, I am not in need of your validation.
Yes, I am a trusted companion.
Yes, I am enough reason to be heard.
Yes, I am healing.
Yes, I am fighting for my well-being.
Yes, I am strong.

So for now just know this.
I'll love you always mother, but I love me more.

Reviews

[Malise Haligree]

I can see where you've cleaned it up! It's getting there, but some of the word choice and cadence is still troublesome. Such as, the first few lines:

Our fight threw me off track/Scared I never find my way back.
Out of that cold and dark place I once created in my mind/That always is so easy to find.

Might sound better as:

"Our fight threw me so far off track
I was certain that I'd never come back

From that dark cold place so easy to find
Easy to hide from you deep in my mind.

[LadyT]

That sounds really good. I'll work with that.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

thanks for entry into my competition, sorry for late judging I totally forgot.
Anyway, love the poem.
good luck

[Malise Haligree]

While the message is good and I like the surprise of it being a mother and not a lover it feels rough and unfinished. Definitely revisit and revise.

[LadyT]

I hear the critique about this being rough and I'm going to try to smooth it, but it's unfinished for a reason. This is not going to be better any time soon, if ever. So this is a new start and not the end.
Thanks for your review.

[Malise Haligree]

It will be better, you are strong. :)

[Malise Haligree]

I didn't even notice she downvoted it, but it's no matter. From a personal standpoint this was a very brave thing to create and to post, it's just from a professional standpoint that it seems unfinished. It's mainly just word choice; the rhyming seems forced and with some rejigging it would really flow poetically.

[LadyT]

And as I said I'm going to try and change that. I see that now.

[Malise Haligree]

You also said "if ever" which led to me to believe you had no interest in reworking it, which is fine too. It's your work.

[LadyT]

Ah no! That was meant for the situation with my mother.

[Davidgeo]

Anybody can write stuff like that anonymously... it's not that brave to do it anonymously. Too many people are just doing it for cliched and superficial reasons right now. To appear as something they really aren't to gain popularity.

I've come across this type of person more than a few times on this site. They do the same things, like downvote reasonable reviews, spread false rumors, pretend to be a friend but in reality are anything but and leave vindictive reviews as retaliation. Underneath their manufactured outside is an ugly and extremely selfish personality. Oh... and I guarantee this person will delete these comments for being too honest and accurate.

[Malise Haligree]

At it sits right now, I can't see any difference in personality between the person you just described and yourself, sir.

[Malise Haligree]

There is too much ugliness in the world to mirror it as we come across it.

[Davidgeo]

Fair enough. Wanna back that up with some evidence?

I'm not being vindictive, I'm pointing out facts that happen to be unpleasant.

[Malise Haligree]

In an equally unpleasant fashion.

[Davidgeo]

The difference is one is honest and the other is not. I'm not here to be one thing or another... I describe what really I see, not what I want to see.

[Davidgeo]

second line, first stanza.... "i'd" not 'I'

You have a problem with word economy. In some parts this read like prose.

And I wouldn't end this on an "And,...." gimmick. Add another stanza to wrap things up outside of that. As it stands it feels unfinished and not in a good way.

[LadyT]

Well "I'd" seems like too hypothetical in my eyes.

I see that and I will definitely consider it in my rewrite.

It's unfinished for a reason. This is not going to be better any time soon, if ever. So this is a new start and not the end.

Thanks for your review.

[Ghost writer]

I love that call to strength, that moment when you realize that you have to fight for yourself and not let others, whoever they are push you down.